Staying Strong
by My Whole Life Is Thunder
Summary: AU: Tony and Ziva are married, with a two year old son, and are expecting their second child. Life is seemingly perfect for the DiNozzo family. Then tragedy strikes, shaking Tony's life to it's core. Suddenly he is a single father. Struggling to balance his grief and new responsibilities. Can his family get him through? Tiva, McGee/Delilah, Jimmy/Breena.
1. Prologue

Sticky little hands woke Tony even before his alarm clock went off. Slowly he blinked his eyes open and gazed into the face of his eldest son. Wincing at the thought of his wife smacking his arm for referring to Jackson, as his eldest son. This would be their final baby and Ziva desperately wanted it to be a girl. Girls were great but Tony still loved the idea of two boys. Since Ziva would be having her tubes tied after this pregnancy. The baby growing inside Ziva was his only shot for that dream. He reached over and pulled the toddler close. Jack nestled his head into his father's chest and began to giggle hysterically.

"Abba! Abba!" Jackson giggled.

"Jackson Anthony DiNozzo! I told you not to disturb your Abba!" Ziva called.

"It's OK, I need to get up anyway." Tony yawned.

"What brother's name?" Jackson asked.

"Your sister is going to be named Tali." Ziva replied.

"Abba said brother." Jackson commented.

"Oh really?" Ziva questioned.

"Last I checked a baby can be a girl or a boy, and you insisted that we wait until _he_ is born to find out _his_ gender." Tony reminded.

"It's called a mother's intuition and besides I do not need three of you." Ziva smirked.

"We'll see in two and a half months." Tony rebutted.

"That we will." Ziva replied.

* * *

Jackson's preschool was holding a special lunch for family members. Due to limited space only one guest could be invited to this particular lunch and since Ziva was out of the field anyway. She was the one, who would be attending. Though as Tony pointed out she was technically two guests. After the lunch Ziva was going to sign Jackson out early and take him on a special mother/son field trip. Ziva was working in as many one on one days with Jackson as she could. Before the newest DiNozzo came along. Tony was as well but it was easier for daddy to leave a new baby for the afternoon than it was for mommy. Especially since mommy would be breast feeding.

"Where we going today?" Jackson asked, as they drove towards the school.

"That is a surprise." Ziva reminded.

"Can Tiggly know?" Jackson asked, holding up his stuffed tiger.

"I already told Tiggly in private." Ziva laughed.

"Does brother get to know?" Jackson asked.

"Your sister knows, but only because I can't get away from her." Ziva explained

"Why not?" Jackson asked.

"Because she's inside of me." Ziva explained.

"Why?" Jackson asked.

"Because that's where babies grow." Ziva replied.

"Why?" Jackson asked.

"Because you were backyard camping with grandpa Gibbs and your Abba made my favorite dinner. After that we were so happy that a baby started to grow in my tummy." Ziva explained.

"OK" Jack replied.

* * *

While Ziva was enjoying a mother/son school lunch with Jackson. Tony was eating a sandwich at his desk in the bullpen. Gibbs and McGee were splitting leftover pizza from the break-room and Bishop was eating a five dollar fill-up box from KFC. After he finished his lunch, Tony tossed the paper bag into his personal trashcan and smirked.

"I still got it." Tony announced

"Congratulations DiNozzo" Gibbs replied.

"Oh come on Tony. Even I could make that shot." McGee teased.

"Is that a challenge?" Tony asked.

"You guys can play trashcan basketball later. We got a dead petty officer at Rock Creek Park. McGee gas up the truck! DiNozzo grab me some more bullets from the armory." Gibbs barked.

"On it!" McGee cried.

"Of course I get the boring job." Tony groaned.

* * *

The four agents and two medical examiners stood around the officer's body. It was a woman in her early forties, with a gunshot to the back. Ducky's preliminary diagnosis was Exsanguination. According to her ID, her name was Wanda Lenore Turner. The scene had been photographed, evidence had been collected, witnesses had been questioned. Ducky and Jimmy loaded the body onto the gurney and wheeled it towards the van, Tony and McGee were busy planning their trashcan basketball tournament. When the whir of a helicopter drew everybody's attention to the sky.

"It's a life-flight." Gibbs commented.

"They are in a hurry." Ducky added.

"Must have been one hell of an accident." McGee sighed.

"Sad" Bishop replied.

"I always hate that sound. Ever since I became a father. I just think what if it were me or Breena? What if it were Tori?" Jimmy explained.

"I know the feeling but this city is a huge community. Don't stress on it too much." Tony assured his friend.

* * *

The drive back to NCIS was filled with banter about the tournament and Gibbs continuously trying to get his agents to focus on the case. Noticing that it was now after noon, Tony sent a text to Ziva asking about lunch and if they had made it to the zoo or not. He could not wait to see the pictures that Ziva would take. He especially looked forward to seeing Jackson at the tiger exhibit. Tigers had been the boy's favorite animal since birth. Gibbs had brought Tiggly to the hospital to compete with director Vance's plush lion. Tony suspected that Gibbs was still rubbing that one in the director's face.

"What are you doing? Texting Ziva to bring Jackson to watch you lose?" McGee asked.

"Tournament isn't happening til we wrap the case." Gibbs reminded.

"No I am just checking to see if they got to the zoo." Tony replied.

"Damn I should have something about zoos and you losing." McGee groaned.

"Whatever, I guess Ziva got held up talking to another mom or something. They should be there by now or she should at least have been able to text me from a traffic light." Tony explained.

"Ziva isn't the one who gets held up talking." Gibbs laughed.

"True, I just hope they are OK." Tony replied.

"I'm sure they are just fine. Two year olds are a handful when they are wired from candy." Gibbs reminded.

* * *

Tony wasn't sure if it was Jimmy's remarks about the helicopter or Ziva's delayed response, but he had the worst feeling. McGee pulled the sedan into it's designated spot and the team exited the vehicle. The walk back to the squad room was relatively quiet compared to the drive back, but Tony could not shake his feeling. Upon arriving on their floor, the elevator door slid open and the team exited. A series of gasps escaped from the mouths of the team, when they noticed Vance standing in front of their bullpen.

Abby was beside him, sobbing heavily into a handkerchief.

"What's going on, Leon?" Gibbs asked.

"This news was meant to be shared with Agent DiNozzo privately but I know that he is going to need your support right now. So I am going to just go ahead and tell all of you." Vance explained.

"What's wrong?" Tony asked.

"Ziva and Jackson were involved in a car accident. I don't know the exact details. All they would tell me is that Ziva is critical and Jackson was injured as well. They are at Georgetown. I am sorry." Vance apologized.

* * *

Tony had no recall of the drive to the hospital. His memory stopped with Gibbs dragging him towards the elevator and did not return until he was standing in her room. Jackson was up in pediatrics probably scared to death but right now Tony needed to be with his wife. Nobody would tell him about his baby. Just that they had preformed an emergency C-Section and he/she was in the NICU. Ziva's injuries were grave, there was nothing to be done. She had severed her spinal chord. Not in the Delilah way, where she would be paralyzed. Her chord had been severed just below the brain stem, her neck was broken in two spaces and her lower spine in four. Her skull was cracked and she had massive bruising and bleeding on the brain. Some idiot had decided that they would rather have a text fight with their girlfriend than pay attention to the road, lost control of their car, and now Tony was going to lose the love of his life. His heart was shattered into a million pieces as he gave the go ahead to turn off the machines. It happened much faster than Tony had anticipated. The machines were switched off, Ziva convulsed for a moment, and then she was gone. The scream of the flat-lining heart monitor, ripped out Tony's heart. Eventually a nurse switched off the monitor and Tony could no longer bear to be in that room. He stumbled out into the hallway and was blinded by the florescent lights. He found his family in the waiting room and made a beeline for Gibbs' waiting arms.

"She's gone." Tony whispered, voice cracking.

* * *

 **A/N: What is the fate of Jackson and "Baby DiNozzo"? New chapter will be up soon. Please review and thanks for reading.**


	2. Failing Already

Grief had hit Tony like a ton of bricks. Just that morning Ziva had been alive and well, arguing with him about the sex of their baby. Now Ziva was gone and their baby had come into the world two and a half months early. In the blink of an eye his life had gone from perfect to shattered. He could not believe that he would never hold Ziva in his arms again, he would never hear her voice, or smell her perfume. Instead of helping plan her baby shower, he would be planning her funeral. His life was not the only one who had been up-heaved. Instead of spending his or her first night in a hospital bassinet and then coming home to a cute nursery in a couple of days. His new baby would be spending their first nights in the NICU and for all he knew the nursery would remain forever empty. Then there was poor little Jack. He should be enjoying a fun mommy/son day and battling the green eyed monster upon meeting his new sibling. Jack was suddenly a motherless child and who knew if he would even get to meet his new sibling. Sobs wracked Tony's body, tears were flowing from his eyes, and his nose was leaking like a faucet. He was ruining Gibbs' shirt but the former Marine didn't seem to angry. He just held his son close and offered reassurance. While Tony's other co-workers looked on helplessly.

"I've got ya. Just let it all out." Gibbs whispered.

"I...I need to check on Jack and my baby." Tony sniffed.

"I'll come with you. If you would like." Gibbs replied.

"Jack may need you." Tony replied.

"Lets go" Gibbs replied, guiding Tony towards the door.

* * *

Tony shuddered as he approached the information desk in the NICU. His heart was filled with dread, wondering what he would be told. He wanted to bolt and leave his problems behind him, but Gibbs would never allow for that.

"May I help you?" The receptionist asked.

"My name is Tony DiNozzo, my wife Ziva was involved in a car accident and they had to deliver our baby early. We were waiting to find out the gender and nobody in the adult Intensive Care Unit could tell me anything. Just that they had done a C-Section and my baby was in here." Tony explained.

"How is your wife?" The receptionist asked.

"She died about an hour ago. I just now could even move." Tony replied.

"I am so sorry for your loss." The receptionist replied.

"Just tell me how my baby is." Tony insisted.

"You have a baby girl. She weighs four pounds seven ounces, a pretty good weight for a baby born that early. She is sixteen inches long and has gorgeous black hair. Overall she is doing great but she is having some issues with breathing and a few other minor complications. You may see her now if you would like." The receptionist explained.

"I have to check on my son. May I come back after?" Tony asked.

"I don't see why not but NICU visiting hours end at seven. Unless it is an emergency." The receptionist replied.

"May I bring my son? He's three." Tony questioned.

"Their are precautions you have to take but it shouldn't be a problem." The receptionist replied.

* * *

As hard as it was to leave without seeing his baby girl. Tony needed to get to Jackson's side. He could not imagine how his son must be feeling right now. This was not the toddler's first hospital stay. At the tender age of two. Jack had endured two hospital stays not including the days after being born. The first being for a severe stomach virus at seven months old. His second stay was three days in the Pediatric Intensive Care Unit and another five in a regular room. Jack was eighteen months old for that stay and his illness was a chest cold that went into pneumonia. Needless to say Jack shared his father's fear of hospitals. Which left Tony riddled with guilt. Poor Jack had to be terrified right now. Being in his least favorite place in the world and having neither parent by his side. A new feeling of dread crashed into Tony. Knowing that he would soon have to tell his son that his mother was dead. The elevator door dinged and Tony stepped through the doors to the pediatrics ward.

"Excuse me" Tony called to a nurse.

"Yes?" The nurse questioned.

"I am looking for my son Jackson DiNozzo." Tony replied.

"Jack is in room three and he is actually cleared to be released. We were just waiting for his father to come and check him out. Given the circumstances we knew it would be a while and tried to get him to get him to go to the playroom but he refused." The nurse explained.

"He is already terrified of hospitals." Tony sighed.

* * *

Tony entered room three and soon spotted Jack curled up on the bed. The boy had his face hidden but Tony could still hear the gentle sobs. Slowly Tony approached the bed and gently placed his hand on Jack's shoulders.

"Abba?" Jackson sniffed.

"I am here." Tony assured.

"Ima's hurt" Jack sniffed.

"I know" Tony replied.

"She be OK?" Jack asked.

"No Jack, I am sorry but your Ima is not going to be OK." Tony explained.

"See her?" Jackson asked.

"No Jack, you cannot see Ima anymore." Tony apologized.

"Why?" Jackson asked.

"Your Ima died. She went to heaven with Great Grandpa Jack and her parents and siblings." Tony explained.

"No! Want Ima!" Jackson cried.

"Jack I am sorry but you cannot see her anymore. I know I am doing this wrong but I have no idea what to say. I am sorry." Tony explained apologetically.

"No! Want Ima! No want Abba! Abba go! Ima back!" Jackson screamed.

* * *

Jackson's outburst broke Tony's heart even more than he thought possible. He had been a single father for two hours and he was already failing miserably at it. Feeling lost and hopeless, he left being his screaming son and headed back to the NICU. Maybe he could be around his baby girl without totally fucking up. His baby girl had come early but she was doing well. Tony longed to see her and hold her, even if it was through the gloves attached to the isolate. She was alive and he could get father/daughter moments with her. His heart ached knowing that Ziva would never know the daughter she had longed for. There would be no precious newborn pictures of Ziva cradling baby girl in her arms. The least he could do was give his baby girl the name Ziva had wanted for her. She could also carry on her mother's legacy by sharing her name as well.

"Do you have a name for her?" The NICU nurse asked.

"Yes, I do." Tony replied.

"Go ahead" The NICU nurse instructed, kneeling down to fill in the name slot on the birth certificate.

"Tali Ziva David DiNozzo" Tony replied, wiping away newest in a seemingly endless stream of tears.

* * *

 **A/N: Poor Tony already feeling like a failure. What do you think of the baby's name? New chapter will be up soon. Please review and thanks for reading.**


	3. Broken Inside

Even when he was filling out the paperwork and collecting Ziva's things. Tony still struggled to accept that his situation was real life. He was convinced that he was just reading a new "Deep Six" novel and was so engrossed. That he was living the story through the characters. Any minute now Jack would come running into the room and pull him back to reality. Except this was real life and even having Jack by his side. Would not bring him back to the version reality he wanted. By that evening he had signed papers regarding Tali's care and various forms in regards to Ziva's death. He had Jackson checked out and was bringing his son home to their new life.

* * *

Jack still was not talking to him, and Tony couldn't say he blamed him. He had killed his children's mother and put his baby daughter's life in grave danger. He should have never signed that form. It was Ziva he had been dealing with. She would have been the one to come through the surgery and walk again. She would even come back to the field and prove her strength. Instead he had panicked at the thought of extra work and care, and signed his wife's life away. He was a monster and a failure. It was after eight o'clock by the time they arrived home. He carried Jack in his arms and stepped through the front door. He carried Jack upstairs and tucked him into bed. No sense waking him up for anything. He showered in the hallway bathroom and put his dirty clothes back on. He could not bear to go into their room.

"This must be how it started with Gibbs." Tony said to himself as he headed downstairs.

* * *

Jack was asleep and Tony was alone, he really was alone. He stood alone in the living room and wondered what the hell he was supposed to do now. Ziva's book sat open on the arm of the couch. Just that morning she had been reading her book and so full of life. Now she was dead and he was a widower. He was a forty three year old widower. Jack was three years old without his mother and sweet little Tali was not even a day old with no mother.

"Abba!" Jack screamed, as he raced down the stairs.

"What's wrong, Jack?" Tony asked.

"Where's Tiggly?" Jack questioned.

"Did you leave him at the hospital?" Tony asked.

"No I didn't have him." Jack replied.

"Where was the last place you had him?" Tony asked.

"In the car" Jack replied.

"Which car?" Tony asked.

"Ima's car" Jack replied.

"Oh Jack I am sorry. I don't know if you can get Tiggly back. I will talk to the police officer's tomorrow but I don't know." Tony apologized.

"No! Need Tiggly!" Jack screamed.

"I will try to get him back but I can't right now." Tony sighed.

"I neeed him!" Jack screamed.

"I know Jack! OK! Don't you think I would get him if I could! Just sleep with one of your other stuffed animals for tonight! OK?!" Tony snapped.

"Abba Mean!" Jack cried.

"No Jack, I'm sorry." Tony apologized.

"Abba mean! I hate Abba!" Jack shouted.

* * *

Tony didn't think it was possible but he was riddled with even more guilt. He could not believe he had snapped at his son like that. Jack was just a two year old kid who had lost his mother. All he wanted was his toy and Tony had been so angry and cold. He could literally feel himself turning into his father. He wouldn't be surprised if he shipped Jack off to boarding school next. After all parenting was hard and he was weak. He could never handle this alone but he was alone. Ziva had no family left and Senior would never help him out. Well he wasn't alone. There was one person who could help him out. If he chose to anyway. He grabbed his phone and dialed the familiar number.

"Hello?"

"Boss, it's me."

"Tony? How are you holding up?"

"I just screamed at Jack. He was asking for Tiggly and I just lost it. He just wanted his toy and I destroyed him."

"Did you talk to him?"

"I tried to apologize but he just ran off. He's too small to understand any of this anyway."

"Do you need me to come over?"

"More than I ever have before."

"I'll be right there. Just sit tight. I will be right there."

"Thanks dad and I'm sorry to bother you."

"You never bother me."

* * *

Tony pulled his arm back and thrust his phone away. It slammed into the wall and crashed hard on to floor. The wall was cracked and broken, just like Tony's heart. He fell to the floor, kicked at the air, and screamed like a toddler throwing a temper tantrum.

"I just want Ziva back! I want my fucking wife! Why did you have to take her! She is my everything! I just want my family whole!" Tony shouted, at this point he didn't care if he scared Jack. He had already fucked his son up enough.

* * *

Gibbs drove at break neck speeds to get to his son's house. He parked in the sidewalk and rushed inside. He found Tony sitting on the floor; crying and screaming his head off. He tossed his keys onto the table and raced to his son's side. He fell onto his knees and pulled Tony into a tight hug.

"It's OK, Tony I'm here." Gibbs assured.

"I am a failure." Tony sobbed.

"You are not a failure. You were just widowed eight hours ago." Gibbs explained.

"Would you have treated Kelly like this?" Tony asked.

"I don't know." Gibbs replied.

"What if Jack hates me?" Tony asked.

"Tony you are really messed up. You get some rest or at least try to. I am going to go upstairs and talk to Jack." Gibbs explained.

"Yeah alright" Tony groaned.

* * *

 **A/N: From here on out Gibbs will do most of Jack's parenting. Until Tony can get back on his feet. New chapter will be up soon. Please review and thanks for reading.**


	4. The Day After

For the first time in a year and a half, Tony did not wake to Jack climbing on him. Ziva did not come in for Jack, and tell him breakfast was ready. He woke up to a far too quiet house. For a brief moment he feared that Jack was gone too. Until he remembered his behavior the night before. He was haunted by the way he had treated his son. He had lashed out at the person he needed most in this desperate time. Gibbs had come over and taken over with Jack. Leaving Tony to wallow in his grief and fear. He dressed himself in a pair of sweatpants and a sweatshirt, and shuffled downstairs. Gibbs was sitting at the table feeding Jack.

"The lunchables are for lunch. Ziva liked him to have a balanced diet." Tony commented, grabbing a beer from the fridge.

"It's lunch time." Gibbs commented.

"Shit, how did I sleep all day?" Tony asked.

"You looked like shit last night and once you finally went down, I didn't want to wake you." Gibbs explained.

"Sleep was terrible. Wish you had woken me." Tony groaned.

"You looked peaceful to me but that must have been wishful thinking." Gibbs replied.

"I'm going to go get drunk." Tony scoffed.

"No you aren't. I was just going to wake you. We have to be at the cemetary in an hour." Gibbs reminded.

"Great I get to bury my wife today. Just fucking great!" Tony snapped kicking the fridge.

"Tony" Gibbs called.

"No! I best go change! I want to look good the last time I see Ziva!" Tony snapped, storming back upstairs.

* * *

Just like that Ziva was lowered into the ground and covered with dirt. The ceremony was bleak and soul crushing. Prayers were said and Tony faked his way through the eulogy. Then it was over and everybody was expected to carry on with their lives. Tony stood in the receiving line and listened to the hackneyed apologies. He raised his eyebrow in curiosity after noticing that Abby did not give him as much as a hand shake. She just shrugged her shoulders and went on her way. The old Tony would have gone after her and demanded acknowledgement but the old Tony was dead.

"Tony it's time to go." Gibbs said, placing his arm around Tony's shoulder.

"Abby didn't even acknowledge me." Tony commented.

"Don't dwell on it." Gibbs replied.

"I need Ziva." Tony sniffed.

"I know" Gibbs replied.

"Take me home." Tony pleaded.

"Of course" Gibbs replied.

* * *

Upon returning home; Tony stripped down to his boxers, grabbed a case of beer, and headed up to his room. Gibbs was taking care of Jack, he was not needed. He poured three bottles down his throat in rapid succession and thrusts the empties hard against the wall. He was a mess. He could feel himself sliding back into who he was before. Ziva was rock, his everything. Without her he was nothing. He couldn't even build up the courage to speak to Abby at the burial. He downed the last three beers and threw them at the wall. The glass splayed out across the floor and the last tiny bits of beer formed a small puddle on the floor. He pulled himself up and stumbled into the kitchen. He was reaching for a second pack, when Gibbs slammed the door in his face.

"You already had a six pack. I am cutting you off." Gibbs barked.

"Ziva! I want, Ziva!" Tony cried.

* * *

Tony must have blacked out, because the next thing he knew. He was back in his room. He changed back into his pajamas and headed downstairs. It was night now, after dinner apparentlty. Because Gibbs had left tupperware container for him in the fridge. He noticed that the beer was gone and laughed. He seriously doubted that Gibbs kept sober, after Shannon died. Granted he still had children to worry about. He hadn't even been to see Tali that day, but he was still lost. He headed upstairs. Suspecting Gibbs had put the beer in the mini fridge, Ziva had bought to store breast milk. Gibbs was exitng Jack's room, as he passed by.

"How is he?" Tony asked.

"I got him down. How are you?" Gibbs questioned.

"Fine" Tony lied.

"I know you aren't." Gibbs insisted.

"What do you want to do about it?" Tony demanded.

"I want you and Jack to come stay with me. At least for a few days." Gibbs insisted.

"Don't think I can handle it?" Tony questioned.

"I know you can't. I couldn't keep it together after Shannon. My advantage was that I did not have a kid to worry about. You are tired and overwhelmed. I am going to take care of Jack for a while. You just worry about you and be with Tali." Gibbs explained.

"Why is this so hard?" Tony asked.

"You just lost the love of your life, the mother of your children." Gibbs explained.

"How long until I get back on my feet?" Tony asked.

"I can't answer that. It is different for every person. Just rest assured that you have me, Leon, and Tobias to take care of you." Gibbs explained.

"Was it this hard for them?" Tony asked.

"You saw how Tobias was, Leon was equally devestated but he hid it better." Gibbs explained.

"Why did it have to be Ziva?" Tony questioned.

"The universe is unnecesarily cruel." Gibbs replied, darkly.

"What will happen if I don't stay with you?" Tony asked.

"I will take Jack and you will be apart. It seems cruel but you really can't parent him right now." Gibbs explained.

"I guess I am becoming Senior after all." Tony sighed.

"No Senior is a grade A bastard. You are just in mouting. I do however insist that you speak with Rachel Cranston." Gibbs explained.

"I'm sorry. I can't make any promisses." Tony apologized.

* * *

 **A/N: Looks like Gibbs will be taking care of Jack for a while. At least he is letting Tony stay with him as well. New chapter will be up soon. Please review and thanks for reading.**


	5. Tali Ziva David DiNozzo

Tony's life had become like a movie. Not the overly bright and cheerful family movies that he would watch with Tali and not the classics he adored. No his life had become like one of the bad chick flicks that he would rip on, on rainy weekend afternoons. His wife was dead, his daughter was fighting for her life in the NICU, and he had hurt his son. Jack and him were living with Gibbs until he could get back on his feet. Tony had visions of Gibbs dying of old age. Before he could get back on his feet. Three days had passed since he lost the love of his life and it was a strange timeline. Sometimes it felt like the death had just happened, but other times it felt as if years had passed. He could not gauge his feelings from one moment to the next. He had moments of anger, depression, denial, all mixed in with desperate pleas. The five stages of grief were not like they were portrayed in the media. They did not happen in a neat progression or even an order. They happened without pattern and changed in a second. Gibbs had not left him, since he arrived to his home. Of course he was not literally constantly by Tony's side, but he did not allow Tony to stay alone. If Gibbs had to run to the store Tony came along or Gibbs got a sitter. It was embarrassing but Tony was too depressed to be embarrassed. He was too broken to be anything. When he could pull himself out of bed, he just went through the motions. In one of the moments where Tony could not get out of bed. He was half covered by an old blanket, the sun shinning in his face, birds chirped in the distance. The world was far too bright, for a Zivaless world. A shiver went down his spine and his heart was aching. He let out a moan and a choked out a heavy sob. He reached for the bottle beside his bed and held it to his mouth. The liquid poured down his face and he choked as it went down his throat.

"Ziva!" Tony cried out, just about the only word he could utter anymore.

* * *

Somehow Tony managed to pull himself out of bed. He showered and Gibbs gave him a little hair of the dog. McGee came over to stay with Jack. While Gibbs and Tony headed to the hospital, to visit little Tali in the NICU. This would be the first time Tony had seen his daughter since she was born. He felt terrible, but it was simply too hard to get out of the house. Compared to many of the other NICU babies, Tali looked amazing. Her skin was bright and a healthy color, her eyes were opened and alert. She was on the ventilator but breathing partially on her own. She cooed and wiggled her limbs in the most adorable way. She looked so much like Ziva and she had her mother's fight. For the first time in three days, Tony felt a glimmer of hope. An old woman rose from a chair and approached him. She hobbled on a cane and her left arm hung at her side.

"May I help you?" Tony asked.

"Sandy Johnson I am one of the volunteers. You must be little Tali's father." Sandy greeted.

"Yeah" Tony sighed.

"I am so sorry about, Ziva." Sandy apologized.

"Thank you" Tony murmured.

"You've got a strong girl." Sandy commented.

"How do you know?" Tony questioned.

"All you have to do is look into her eyes. You probably can't tell but I can. I was a nurse for forty-two years before a stroke took the use of my left side. Worked in the NICU for forty of those years. After a while, you can spot a few things. This girl has the most fight I've seen in a while. She will be home with you, before you know it." Sandy explained.

"I hope so. Her brother wants her home so badly and so do I." Tony replied. Wistfully.

"Just wait and see." Sandy vowed.

* * *

Shorty after Sandy left, was the first time that Tony held his daughter. It had to be done through the gloves on the side of the crib but he could pick her up and rock her. She cooed and snuggled up in his arms. Lying in his hands was a perfectly crafted, tiny Ziva. Tony's heart swelled with love and pride. When he saw just how much he looked like her mother. He could see her chasing after Jack in cute little red and blue dresses. Her could hear her laughter and practically hear here excitement. He wished they could have a family portrait done. He could see himself resting his hands on Jack's shoulders. While Ziva cradled baby Tali in her arms. His heart was broken but at least there would be a portrait of the three of them. He could see Tali in one arm and Jack in the other. This was one of the great moments of fear and self doubt, but at least he had a family by his side.

"She's perfect, DiNozzo." Gibbs whispered.

"She is a tiny Ziva. I don't think I could love her anymore." Tony replied.

"That's what I like to hear." Gibbs replied.

"Oh did you hear?" Tony questioned.

"Hear what?" Gibbs asked.

"They said I could bring Jack tomorrow. He has to wear a mask and I have to make sure he doesn't have a fever or anything but he can come tomorrow. It will be a short visit but he has been wanting to see his sister for so long." Tony explained.

"That will do both of them a lot of good." Gibbs remarked.

"I can't wait to have my babies together. Even if it is just for a few minutes." Tony replied.

"I will get plenty of pictures for you." Gibbs vowed.

"Thanks, dad" Tony replied.

"No trouble, son." Gibbs assured.

"Oh shit!" Tony gasped.

"What is it, Tony?" Gibbs asked.

"I haven't told Senior yet." Tony confessed, his heart crashing to the floor.

* * *

 **A/N: How will Senior take the news? New chapter will be up soon. Please review and thanks for reading.**


	6. Grief and Guilt

Tony had come to hate sleeping in the bed he had shared with Ziva. He remembered thinking that Gibbs was crazy. When he first told him but now that he was feeling the same grief. He completely understood. The kicker was that he wasn't even living in that house anymore. He had come home to clean out the fridge and grab a couple more belongings. He was tired from a sleepless night and thought that it was a good idea at the time. He stepped into his former room and was instantly hit with a wall of pain. He took a deep breath and approached the bed. He climbed onto the mattress and pulled the top sheet over his body. The pain and grief hit a fever pitch but he was too tired to move. He fell into a rough and fitful sleep. When he woke, he felt worse than he had before. He sat up in the bed and began to heavily sob. He wanted Gibbs, oh how he wanted Gibbs. He deeply regretted telling his boss that he could handle this on his own. He looked at the alarm clock, it was getting late. If he wanted to get to Tali and be home in time for Jack's dinner. He had better get a move on.

* * *

Back in the NICU, Tali was doing great. He was still on oxygen but they were able to keep her off of the ventilator. Which given the high risk of lasting damage. Came as a major relief to Tony. He had been warned that things were unpredictable with premature babies. She could take a downturn at any moment now but she had her mother's fighting spirit. Jack was supposed to join Tony that day but he had been complaining of stomachache all day. Tony suspected nerves but was still not taking any chances with the NICU. He had washed his hands thoroughly twice, checked for fever and had a nurse check him as well. Still he wore a mask to be on the safe side. Another disappointment was that the doctors did not want him holding her. Her settled for cuddling through the gloves. Tali was a little love and he could not wait to hold her to his chest. Tali looked up at him and smiled. Despite her traumatic entrance into the world. Tali was so full of life and love, just like her mother.

"Someday I will tell you about her mother. I wish that you could have met her." Tony whispered, to his baby girl.

* * *

After leaving the NICU, Tony headed over to NCIS. He didn't know when or if he would be back and needed to clear out his desk. He was met with dread up returning to the bullpen. His eyes first fell on the spot. Where he had received the life shattering news. He then found himself focused on Ziva's empty desk. Agents passed by and offered condolences. He had no idea what to say.

"What are you doing here?" Vance demanded.

"Cleaning out my desk." Tony replied.

"Good I don't want you to even take the psychiatric evaluation until you are ready." Vance explained.

"I have to take a psych eval?" Tony questioned.

"You lost your wife and very nearly lost your children. That is a serious trauma. According to regulations, all agents must undergo evaluation after a serious trauma." Vance explained.

"I guess I will get back to you on that." Tony sighed.

* * *

With both Tony and Gibbs on leave, McGee and Bishop had been temporarily reassigned. McGee was in cyber and Bishop was on another team. Both had already gone home for the day by the time Tony was done clearing out his desk. He was disappointed but understood their desires to get home. They weren't the ones he wanted to see anyone. Abby was the one he needed to speak with anyway. She wasn't answering her phone but Tony was at Head Quarters anyway. He took his box under his arm and headed down to the lab. Sure he enough the music was blaring and he could hear Abby dancing around in her lab. He opened the door and walked towards his friend.

"ABBY!" Tony called.

"What are you doing here?!" Abby demanded.

"I had to clean out my desk." Tony replied.

"OK fine but why are you HERE?!" Abby demanded.

"I wanted to see you.' Tony replied.

"Well that is fine but I do not want to see you." Abby retorted.

"Why not?" Tony questioned.

"BECUASE! YOU KILLED ZIVA!" Abby snapped.

"What do you mean?" Tony asked.

"Don't you play dumb!" Abby hissed

"How did I kill Ziva?" Tony questioned.

"You took her off life-support! You didn't even give her a chance! You just let her die! Why did you just let Ziva die?!" Abby demanded.

"Abby her back was broken in three different places, her spinal cord was severed, and her neck was crushed." Tony explained.

"So what?! You would have had to care for her? She wouldn't be the Ziva you knew and loved?! You would rather Ziva lose her life! Than you lose your freedom!" Abby snarled.

"It wasn't like that Abby! Believe me if there had been a chance for Ziva. I would have gladly let her live and cared for her. Until the day that I died, but there was no hope. I spoke with three different doctors and ten different nurses. They all told me the same thing. There was no hope." Tony explained.

"I heard they wanted to do surgery! Explain that!" Abby ordered.

"They did give me the option of a surgery to repair Ziva's spine but she was too critical. I was so desperate not to lose her. I came this close to giving the go ahead but she only had a five percent chance of coming through. She had already had two major strokes and with her spinal injuries. She would have been a total quadriplegic. No movement below the neck. If by some miracle she survived. She would have breathed through a ventilator and been fed by a tube. She would have likely been blind and deaf. She would have been a vegetable. That is not the life Ziva wanted. I was honoring her wishes. The wishes that she put in her will, when we were first married. It was the hardest decision I ever made but I was honoring Ziva. God Abby, I miss her so much. I wish I had kept her alive too. Even if she could just lie in bed. At least I could see her, at least I could hold her. I could touch her hair and tell her to her face that I loved her. Oh Abby! I miss her so much." Tony explained, rambling through tears by the end.

* * *

 **A/N: Will Abby be able to forgive Tony? New chapter will be up soon. Please review and thanks for reading.**


	7. Lost Without You

After the confrontation with Abby, Tony needed to get away. Bad enough he was mourning the love of his life, but now Abby was pissed at him. It's not like he was wanted Ziva to die. What did Abby think? He was looking for a way out of his marriage, that would also guarantee him sympathy. He got that Abby was emotional but why did she feel the need to accuse him of murder? Couldn't she just give him sympathy and keep her anger to herself? Hadn't she talked to Ducky or anybody in the past few days? Was she really just acting on grief or did she really hate him? He pondered his latest conundrum as he poured back, bottle after bottle of beer.

"I'm sorry sir but I am going to have to cut you off. Is there somebody I can call to take you home? You are in no condition to get yourself home." The bartender explained.

"I want Ziva." Tony slurred.

"OK can I have this Ziva's phone number?" The bartender asked.

"I want Ziva! I want Ziva! I want Ziva!" Tony demanded.

* * *

The next few minutes were a blur for Tony. He had no memory of throwing himself onto the floor and throwing a temper tantrum, screaming and crying for his beloved Ziva. He had no memory of kicking, hitting, and biting the four men it took to drag him out to the waiting car. He had no memory of being poured into the car and fighting having his seat-belt fastened. Eventually they gave up on buckling him in and simply closed the door. He had no memory of vomiting all over the back of McGee's, Prius. He had no memory of McGee slamming on the breaks at a stoplight. His memory did not return until after he hit his head hard on the back of the driver's seat.

"Ommphhhh" McGee groaned.

"GOD DAMMIT!" Tony snapped.

"You alright, Tony?" McGee questioned.

"She died, Probie. Ziva's dead." Tony sobbed.

"Yeah, I know." McGee replied.

"I miss her." Tony confessed.

"I know" McGee replied.

"I hate my life." Tony sniffed.

"Hey, you will get through this. It won't be easy but we will never leave your side. You were always there for me when Delilah was paralyzed." McGee explained.

"Delilah's still alive. Be lucky. She can't walk but she's OK. Ziva was gonna be a vegetable." Tony rambled.

"I wasn't comparing, Tony." McGee remarked.

"Ziva's dead, Probie." Tony remarked, seemingly forgetting their conversation.

* * *

McGee's heart was breaking, things with Tony were far worse than he could have ever imagined. Even the daily calls he received from Gibbs. Could not even begin to describe his friend's pain. Tony had been so amazing to him after Delilah became paralyzed. He desperately wanted to pay it forward but he had no idea where to begin. Did he help Tony with the day to day or did he just give space? What the hell was he supposed to say? He thought back to all Tony did for him after Delilah's accident. He wished that he could be a friend like that. He wished that he could be half the man that Tony was. Tony had always seemed so strong. Even when he was sobbing and vomiting in the backseat. Tony was out of bed and trying to going through with his life. If Delilah died, he would probably just lie in bed until he died. He shuddered at the thought and turned onto Gibbs' street. Gibbs was waiting when McGee arrived to his boss' house.

"How is he?" Gibbs asked.

"He's said that Ziva was dead and started me on that conversation about ten times. It was just a ten minute drive." McGee explained.

"Yeah that's what I was afraid of." Gibbs commented.

"What can we do for him?" McGee asked.

"Right now just be there and listen." Gibbs replied.

"Do you want me to take him for the night?" McGee offered.

"He needs somebody who's been through the same thing." Gibbs explained.

"Fair enough" McGee replied.

"I sent Jack to the Palmer's. That way Tony and I can just mourn together." Gibbs explained.

"I hope you and Tony can work through some of your pain." McGee replied.

"Good Lord me too." Gibbs sighed.

* * *

With the help of McGee, Gibbs lifted Tony from the car and brought him into the house. By this point Tony was subdued and passed out. Gibbs got Tony tucked into the bed and left a basin on the bedside table. Tony was due to wake up for a vomit at any moment. He would let Tony sleep off the alcohol and then they would talk things out. He knew he wasn't going to cure Tony overnight but he was hoping for a breakthrough. He at least wanted to get Tony out of the drinking phase, before he ended up hurting Jack or Tali. Gibbs knew that grief was a roller-coaster but Tony had seemed fine when he left that afternoon. His gut was telling him that something had happened and he was a little scared to find out what that was.

* * *

Tony woke to a pounding headache. His memory of the previous night had shuffled between the bar and the backseat of McGee's car. When he finally adjusted to the light. He sat up and surveyed his surroundings. He was in the guest room at Gibbs' place, where he had been staying for the past few days. He stumbled downstairs and soon found Gibbs in the kitchen.

"Drink this" Gibbs ordered.

"What happened last night?" Tony asked.

"From what I know you got drunk at a bar and started screaming for Ziva. Delilah's cousin happened to be a patron. She recognized you from the hospital and called Delilah. Who sent McGee to come and get you but not before you fought bar security, the bar tender, and two off duty officers. You threw up all over McGee's car and told the same story fifty times in ten minutes. Then you passed out and we brought you up to bed." Gibbs explained.

"Shit" Tony gasped.

"I am not mad but you asked for an honest answer." Gibbs replied.

"Where's Jack?" Tony asked.

"With the Palmer's until you get together a bit more." Gibbs explained.

"She opened her eyes and moved her hand." Tony blurted out.

"Who?" Gibbs questioned.

"Ziva, when they turned everything off. She opened her eyes and moved her hands. I gave up too soon." Tony confessed.

* * *

 **A/N: Did Tony really see Ziva move and open her eyes or was it just a false memory? New chapter will be up soon. Please review and thanks for reading.**


	8. Lashing Out

Tony's confession came as both a relief and a burden. He was relieved to finally share what he had seen in Ziva's hospital room, but on the other hand he feared what Gibbs' reaction would be. He wasn't exactly counting on a man, who had twice been in a coma. To be accepting of pulling the plug on somebody who might have been alive after all. Still he was glad to have that off his chest. He had tried to ignore it, tried to pretend that it hadn't happened. He wished so desperately that he had told the doctor, before Ziva's heart gave out. His fear was that she had more brain function and hope than what he had been told, and had died of panic.

"Are you sure?" Gibbs asked, breaking a pregnant pause.

"As sure as I've been of anything. Her eyes opened, her hand lifted and twitched." Tony explained.

"I am going to call, Ducky." Gibbs declared.

"What would Ducky know?" Tony asked.

"He is a doctor and he preformed Ziva's autopsy." Gibbs reminded.

"Will he be made at me?" Tony questioned.

"Not the Ducky I know." Gibbs assured.

* * *

Tony's hands trembled as he sat on Gibbs' couch and waited for Ducky. He remembered overhearing Ducky mention the autopsy and he remembered Gibbs mentioning Ducky had preformed the procedure. He had probably had to sign papers after the autopsy was completed but he had no memory of the Ziva related events, following her death. He remembered holding Tali and he remembered seeing Jack but he had blocked out Ziva. He had blocked it all out, until Abby accused him of murdering Ziva. Maybe Abby was just being crazy or maybe she knew the truth. He was in tears by the time Ducky finally arrived.

"Anthony, Dear Boy I understand you have some questions about Ziva's death." Ducky commented.

"Her hand moved and her eyes blinked." Tony sighed.

"I do not doubt you saw what you saw." Ducky replied.

"So there's a chance that she was not brain-dead and paralyzed and that I...that I killed her." Tony gasped.

"I can assure you that Ziva was in fact profoundly paralyzed and that her brain was damaged beyond any shred of hope." Ducky explained.

"Then how did I see her move? How did her eyes open?!" Tony demanded.

"What you witnessed Anthony was an involuntary reflex. They occur commonly in both paralysis patients and Traumatic Brain Injury victims. They are frequent in coma patients and have given many a loved one false hope." Ducky explained.

"Are you sure?" Tony asked.

"I preformed her autopsy myself Anthony. I checked everything twice and shared her injuries with several of my friends in the medical field. Medical Examiners, Neurologists, and even a regular old ER doctor. They all confirmed what Ziva's physicians and I already knew. That woman was gone. There was nothing to be done. Anthony I have told you this and Jethro has too. I do not know if you are just in shock or denial, or if there is something more going on. I just know that my heart is breaking for you and I wish that I could have been me instead of her. I am so sorry Anthony. I wish I could tell you more, I wish I could do more, but even Jethro is at a loss. Just know that you are loved and that you are not alone." Ducky explained.

"OK" Tony sniffed.

"Come here my boy." Ducky called, opening his arms to embrace Tony.

* * *

Tony watched the world pass by from the guestroom window. The sun was far too bright and the sounds on the street far too happy. It took all he had not to curse out the people down below. It was horrible but in a way he hated them. He hated anybody who felt even a molecule of happiness. He hated that people were happy. When he was so broken and hopeless inside. Ducky's talk had done nothing for him and neither had Gibbs' love. He hated everything about the world without Ziva. Tony's phone buzzed and he let out a groan. He did not want to talk to anybody. His heartache only grew. When he saw that it was Senior calling him.

"Hello?"

"Junior? I had missed calls from you."

"Yeah dad, I have some. I have some terrible news for you."

"What did you do now?"

"I didn't do anything. Dad something awful has happened."

"Just get the the point. I have a meeting in twenty minutes!"

"The other day. There was a car accident. Jack walked away but Ziva... dad, Ziva is dead. They had to deliver our baby. It's a girl but she is early and Ziva is dead."

"Are you saying that Ziva is dead?"

"Yes dad, she's gone."

"Tough break now the kids are alright?"

"Yes sir, thank God."

"Men shouldn't have to raise brats. The baby should be good to be dropped off at the fire station when she gets out and as for the boy. Well I have some boarding school brochures I have been meaning to send you."

"Dad Jack is three!"

"Yeah it's called Wallace or something but they take kids as soon as they are potty trained."

"Dad! I am not sending my three year old to boarding school! I am not abandoning my newborn at the firehouse! I am not going to be like you!"

"Just trying to help but it's clear you don't care. Sorry about Ziva but let's face it. She was too good for you anyway.

"FUCK YOU!"

* * *

Just when Tony thought he could not be anymore emotionally devastated or destroyed. He had his interaction with Senior. He smashed his phone hard on the windowsill and then thrust it hard at the wall. He was crying his eyes out and by that time he was actively praying for death. At least Senior had not accused him but he knew that was coming. He hated life, he hated the world. He wanted to die but he knew that Ziva would be furious if he killed himself. With a broken heart he watched the Palmer's carry a sleeping Jack inside. Thinking quickly he switched off the light, closed the door, and climbed into bed. He was nowhere near tired but he did not want Jack to see him like this, he did not want anybody to see him this broken. He had no faith in any sort of God or Universal justice anymore. Still he prayed to whatever the hell was out there controlling everything.'

"Please give me strength." Tony pleaded, a million more tears falling from his eyes.

* * *

 **A/N: Don't worry Gibbs will find out about Senior soon. New chapter will be up soon. Please review and thanks for reading.**


	9. Trying For Normal

After several hours of heavy sobbing, Tony fell out and did not wake again until morning. He stared for a moment at the sunrise, before drawing the blinds and stumbling to the bathroom. He found one of Jack's bath toys sitting on the floor and was hit by a massive wave of guilt. He was missing his son's life, while he wallowed around in his grief. He cried through his entire shower. He tossed on clean clothes and stumbled downstairs. Gibbs was sitting at the table, reading the newspaper.

"You had a rough night. Feeling any better?" Gibbs asked.

"No" Tony admitted.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Gibbs asked.

"No" Tony replied.

"Tony you have to open up." Gibbs reminded.

"You never did." Tony retorted.

"Yeah and look how my life turned out." Gibbs shot back.

"Look I am sorry but I cannot talk about Ziva anymore. It hurts enough just to think about her." Tony sighed.

"We don't have to talk now, but we have to talk eventually." Gibbs reasoned.

"Deal" Tony agreed.

* * *

By that afternoon, Tony was back in the NICU. Tali was still doing well but had developed a small fever overnight. The fever resulted in her losing just over an ounce, but the doctors assured that it was normal. By the time Tony arrived, there was no evidence that Tali had ever been poorly. She was giggling and kicking her feet. For a child born two and a half months early, she was doing remarkably well. She was a miniature Ziva inside and out. Tony knew that Ziva would still be here if her brain injury had not been so severe. Tony still had his doubts about his decision but doubted that Ducky would sugar coat the truth to protect his feelings. Tali kicked her legs again and let out a small laugh. For a second Tony was looking at Ziva in the incubator.

"You look so much like your mother." Tony told his daughter.

* * *

Tony stayed with Tali most of the afternoon but decided after a while. That he wanted to spend a little time with Jack. This would be his first time really interacting with son, since that first night. He wondered how Jack would react to him. He knew that his son had been hurt by his attack. He felt terrible for the way he had treated Jack. He was hurting but that was no excuse for his behavior. Gibbs had assured him that it was not his fault, but he was not so sure.

"Where's Jack?" Tony asked, entering the house.

"Up in his room. I was just going to play Go-Fish with him." Gibbs replied.

"You go down to the basement and have some you time. I want to spend a little time with Jack." Tony replied.

"Are you sure you are up for him on your own?" Gibbs asked.

"I think I can handle it." Tony assured.

"Well if you need back up just call me." Gibbs insisted.

* * *

Tony headed back upstairs and walked into Jack's room. His son was lying on the bed, playing with his teddy bear. Tony ached for his son, knowing how much he was missing Tiggly. Believe it or not, Tony actually had tried to get the toy back. He had called the police station, which had responded to the accident, but they did not have it. Though the officer did offer Jack one of their toys. He had called the junk yard, where the car had been taken but the did not find anything. Tony had even called the hospital but they did not find anything. The only thing Tony could figure was that Jack had dropped Tiggly when the paramedics were bringing him out of the car and in all the haste. The toy had been lost on the street.

"Jack" Tony called.

"Abba!" Jack cried.

"Do you want to play Go Fish?" Tony asked.

"With the Nemo cards?" Jack questioned.

"Did Grandpa Gibbs pack those?" Tony asked.

"Here!" Jack cried, with drawing the pack.

"Alright well I will get us set up." Tony replied.

* * *

Tony did remarkably well during the game. He even smiled when Jack celebrated his first personal victory. The moment of joy was soon replaced by great sorrow, Ziva had missed Jack winning at Go-Fish for the first time. The first in an endless list of milestones, Ziva would miss. Just when Tony did not think his heart could break any more. Jack looked up at him, with his soulful green eyes.

"Abba?" Jack questioned.

"What is it, Jack?" Tony asked.

"Where Ima?" Jack questioned.

"Jack, Ima is gone. She's dead. I don't know where exactly she is but I just know that she is never coming back." Tony explained.

"Why?" Jack questioned.

"Sometimes life is just cruel." Tony explained.

* * *

Having to explain about Ziva was the last Tony could handle. It came as relief when Gibbs informed him that dinner was ready. He forced down about half of a chicken cutlet and a small serving of green beans. Solely for the purpose of satisfying Gibbs. He helped Jack eat his dinner but excused himself before desert was served. He grabbed a barf bucket, before returning to his bedroom. He just knew that his dinner was going to come back up. His stomach was in knots and he was sobbing again by then. Sure enough barely fifteen minutes later. He was puking up half chewed chicken and green beans. He caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror and laughed at his rapid weight loss. In a cruel twist of fate, becoming a widower was the best diet he had ever tried.

"Tony?" Vance called from the doorway.

"What's up?" Tony asked.

"Gibbs had to go into work." Vance explained.

"Gibbs took off to take care of Jack and me." Tony reminded.

"The new case is similar to one Gibbs worked years ago. He is crucial." Vance explained.

"Oh" Tony replied.

"He sent me here to keep and eye on you and Jack." Vance explained.

"What about the kids?" Tony asked.

"Kayla is away at boarding school and Jared is with me." Vance explained.

"How long?" Tony asked.

"Gibbs should be done in a few days and Kayla is only gone until March." Vance explained.

"No how long until everything stops reminding you of them?" Tony asked.

"I still see stuff that reminds me of Jackie." Vance replied.

"Awesome" Tony scoffed.

"But it does get easier to live with. In fact one day the memories were welcome." Vance explained.

* * *

 **A/N: At least Tony is keeping it together around Jack now. New chapter will be up soon. Please review and thanks for reading.**


	10. Miracle

Just like that Ziva Elizabeth David, had been dead and gone for seven days. Tony was barely scraping through the days. For the most part he divided his days up between the NICU and bed. He tried to squeeze in time with Jack but it was too hard to be around his son. He adored Jack but he hated having to constantly tell his boy that his mother was dead. He had no idea how to explain death to a three year old. Ziva had been the one to tackle the challenges of life. Now she was gone, and Tony was left clueless and without his other half. The seventh day was particularly challenging for Tony. He could not bare to get out of bed. It didn't help that Tali had, had a horrible night. They were talking about moving her to a crib. Then she started running a fever and her breathing was labored. They said they would call if anything went wrong. As a result Tony would panic at every sound and every movement that happened within the house. He could not lose his sweet girl too. Tony heard his phone ring, he buried his head under the sheets, and prayed. The ringing would not stop and finally Gibbs came into the room and picked up the phone for him.

"Tony?" Gibbs called.

"Go away" Tony pleaded.

"It's OK, it's only the junk yard. They are totaling out the car today. They found a few things but if you don't pick them up today they are getting rid of them." Gibbs explained.

"Tali's OK?" Tony asked.

"I haven't heard anything. Come on get dressed and I will drive you over." Gibbs instructed.

"What about Jack? I don't want him seeing the car." Tony asked.

"He is with the Palmer's. Remember they had been talking about going to the museum for weeks. They called last night and you said it was fine." Gibbs reminded.

"Oh yeah" Tony replied.

* * *

Tony was filled with dread. He had purposefully been avoiding the car. They had claimed not to have seen Tiggly. He had no reason to go there. Until today when they needed to total the car out. He wasn't getting much for the car but he was too fucked up to fight anyone. He would trade in his car, and add that to the insurance payout. He could get something decent for that much. He just wanted this to be over but he did not want to see the car. He did not want to see where Ziva David had died. Gibbs remained calm as they drove to the yard. Tony remembered stumbling out of the car and heading inside. A man led him down a hallway and out the back-door. Ziva's car was in the back corner. A feeling of nausea washed over Tony's body. The front end was completely bashed in and the top was almost totally collapsed on Jack's side. The roof stopped milometers above where Jack's head would have been. With that the full story came rushing back to him. The other driver had hit Ziva and sent the van into a tree. The tree had fallen on the car. It was nothing short of a miracle that his children had survived relatively unscathed.

"One of our guys saw the wreck. He was working his other job that day but he recognized the car. Hard not to. Said he feels terrible but he was terrified to go over. He was sure that everybody was dead. I am sorry about Ziva but I am glad your children lived. It is a miracle." The worker explained.

"It is" Tony whispered.

* * *

It didn't even register to Tony that he was walking back into the building. He faked his way through the seemingly endless paperwork. He just wanted this to be over. Once it was over, there would be one less reminder of Ziva's death. Eventually the forms were completed and all that was left was collecting the items left in the car. He was handed a box but he could not go through anything right now. He just handed the box to Gibbs and went back to get his coat.

"Oh I have your children's car-seats. I don't know but I think you can trade them in. If not I will just toss them." The worker explained.

* * *

Horror and panic, that's what Tony felt when he saw the car seats. Tali's was not near as bad. It was definitely damaged but she had not been in the seat. Jack's seat was pure horror. It was crushed at all sides. Tony knew it was installed properly. He had gotten Tali's seat inspected at the fire-station just three weeks before and one of the fire-fighters had insisted on checking Jack's as well. Not that it mattered in this situation. Jack should have been killed. There is no logical explanation for him being alive and unharmed. He should at best still be in the ICU fighting for his life. The steering wheel had hit Ziva's stomach. Tali should have been lost before she was even born. He should be totally alone right now. He had no idea what had spared his children. He knew it was a miracle. What he did not know was why he had deserved this miracle. He had spent so much time wallowing in his grief for Ziva. That he did not even stop to think how lucky he was. He should have lost it all and while he had lost a major piece of his heart.

"Tony I put the box in the car. Are you ready to go?" Gibbs said, entering the building.

"This, the car. They should be dead. There is no logical reason for my babies to be alive. They should be dead or at the very least horrifically injured. I don't know what I did to deserve this but I know that it is nothing short of a miracle." Tony rambled.

"You guys have got some good guardian angels." Gibbs replied.

"We really do." Tony agreed.

* * *

 **A/N: Needless to say Jackson Gibbs was watching out for his namesake. New chapter will be up soon. Please review and thanks for reading.**


	11. Thirty Days

The worst month of Tony's life had started with a bang, but ended with a mere whisper. It didn't even register that thirty days had passed until Gibbs mentioned it to him. He was trying his best not to think about it. Unfortunately in the days, weeks, and presumably months following an unexpected and premature death, there wasn't a lot of opportunity NOT to think about it. He would still run into people they had known who did not know and Ziva's friend's from Israel would try to make contact. If Ziva had been old or sick, the explanations would be easy and expected. He would just have to say she went in her sleep after a long and productive life, or she had given up after a long and hard battle. Instead he was forced to answer questions about the accident and how the children, especially little Tali. The days were a blur of grief and dread. That the one month anniversary actually came as a relief. Yes his life with Ziva was growing farther away, but at least time was passing. At least he was getting through hours, days, and weeks. Time had passed and his family was hanging to each other. Jack and him were still staying with Gibbs. He had put his house up on the market and was unsure what the future would hold. Tali remained in the hospital but was holding her own and home was finally on the horizon. Tony just wished that he could bring her home, to their home.

"Are you going to go to the cemetery or just the hospital?" Gibbs asked, as Tony headed out the door.

"Just the hospital. I...I just can't." Tony replied.

"I understand." Gibbs assured.

"I tried taking Jack a few days ago and we just fell apart so bad. Jack was even worse than me. I may bring Tali when she is ready to go home but I just don't know." Tony explained.

"Well I can tag along if you want. Even if you just need me to stay in the car. I will be there." Gibbs offered.

"Yeah I'll see. Tony replied.

* * *

Upon arriving to the hospital, Tony was informed that Tali was having her evaluation and it would be at least twenty minutes before he could see her. Not wanting to leave he took a seat in the waiting room and began to scroll through his phone. His text alerts and social media notifications were filled with well meaning friends checking in on him. He sent out a generic reply via group text and posts to Facebook and Twitter. He had just set his phone down when he heard the Messager chime. He picked the phone back up, expecting another well meaning message. Instead he was greeted by an extremely unpleasant message from his former friend.

" _I cannot believe you. I just talked to your father and I am horrified by the way you treated him, Maybe he did say some things but he was devastated. He lost somebody to you know and he actually misses Ziva. He isn't the one who turned her machines off. He would have given her a chance. He would have seen his wife. Not a burden. He would have done all for her. You just gave up and let her die. She was innocent and full of life. She would have beaten the odds if you had just given her a chance. Anyway how are the children? Have you yanked Tali off life-support too? I mean what if she has Cerebral Palsy and is paralyzed? Better kill Jack too, before he has another accident. Your former friend, Abby Scuito."_

* * *

Rage shot through Tony like a bullet. He could not believe that Abby would say such things to him. He knew that she was missing Ziva too but this was completely inexcusable. How dare she assume such terrible things about him? He had told her exactly why he had removed Ziva from life-support. No he would not take Tali off of her supports. For one thing she only needed room drawn oxygen and she would occasionally still receive feeds via NG tube. Only if she was not taking feeds by mouth due to still being underweight. Yes there was a chance that she would have Cerebral Palsy but her reflexes were strong and she wasn't presenting any of the other symptoms. What was worse Abby had drug Senior into this. No he was not just acting out of grief. Senior was just being a bastard. Ever since Jack was born. Tony had been trying to keep his emotions in check. Today was one of those days where he made a rare exception. He began to angrily type.

" _You have no idea the words my father told me. He was not acting out of grief. He just wanted to hurt me. He is an evil and heartless man. As for you, well I told you about Ziva. I told you exactly why I took her off of life-support. No it was not because she would be a burden. She was dying! She was dying and nothing could be done! I could have prolonged her life putting her through a scenario she begged me, with TEARS in her eyes to not allow. Forcing her to have surgeries that would have all had the same result. I will bring you Ziva's living will if you are so desperate for the truth. Your former friend, Tony."_

* * *

Tony didn't even wait for a response from Abby. He just logged off of Facebook and turned his phone off. He would be able to see Tali now anyway. He entered the NICU and made his way to Tali's crib. She had been in an open crib for three weeks now and was thriving. She was like her mother she loved spreading out in bed, taking up as much space as possible. Everybody was impressed by how well she was doing. She had beat the odds at every turn. She had so many guardian agents looking out for her and Tony was eternally grateful.

"I have some wonderful news for you." Dr. Rogers informed Tony.

"Excellent I am desperate for good news." Tony replied.

"I have went over Tali's case with my team and we all feel that she is ready to go home. She is eating entirely by mouth and she is maintaining excellent oxygen levels. She needs the occasional assistance during sleep but her lungs look great. She will need extra care and extra precautions but I see no reason to keep her here." Dr. Rogers explained.

* * *

 **A/N: Tali is coming home but Abby is still blaming Tony. New chapter will be up soon. Please review and thanks for reading.**


	12. Bringing Tali Home

Tony was up bright and early the next morning, to bring Tali home. He was over the moon at the prospect of having his girl home at last. Jack was even more excited to have his baby sister home. Tony wanted to be happy for his girl but his excitement was overshadowed by nerves. He was barely keeping it together for Jack. How was he supposed to raise a newborn on his own? At least Jack had a degree of independence. Tali was totally dependent on him and so very fragile. Needless to say it was a terrifying prospect.

"I am not ready for this." Tony confessed.

"Well you have to be. Because she is coning home." Gibbs insisted.

"Maybe they can keep her a couple more days?" Tony suggested.

"They need the bed and besides we need to get her out of the hospital." Gibbs reminded.

* * *

Another advantage to Tali's short stay, her room was easy to pack. Tony just tossed a few outfits into a small bag and then collected his girl. Gibbs picked up the oxygen tank and carried it down to the car. Tali was off all support but had been sent home with oxygen as a precaution. Tony signed a few papers and then it was time for him to head on out. He slung his bag over his shoulder and headed out the door. The nurses had gathered around and clapped with excitement as they approached the elevator. As he stood in the elevator, he was overcome by a feeling of peace. Feeling a presence he had not felt since Ziva had left him. He looked up and saw her standing against the wall with a huge smile on her face.

"Our girl is coming home." Tony whispered.

"I see that and you are going to be an amazing father." Ziva assured.

"Sure doesn't feel that way." Tony commented.

"Just remember that I am always here." Ziva reminded.

* * *

The peace did not last long. Almost as soon as Tali was home she started screaming. Tony had tried everything but the girl would not calm down. The nervous new father in Tony was wanting to call the doctor. He knew that babies cried but Tali was so premature. What if this was a bad sign? What if she was coming down with something and they were about to land back in the NICU? What if this time it was serious and Tali actually had to fight for her life. Tony tried to remember what Gibbs and Ziva had told him. He knew that he could do this, but he couldn't do this.

"Waaaaaahhhhhh!" Tali screamed.

"Please calm down sweet girl. I know I am not the NICU nurses, I know I am clueless but please calm down. Please baby girl, I love you so much and I really am doing the best I can. I just wish that I could do more." Tony told his baby girl.

"Waaaahhhhh!" Tali screamed.

"Come on Tali, I really am trying." Tony pleaded.

"Waaaaaahhhhhh!" Tali screamed.

"OK I get it. You don't like me." Tony sighed.

"She has gas." Gibbs corrected.

"I tried burping her." Tony commented.

"Sometimes the gas gets trapped and they scream. Your going to want to have a diaper ready. Just in case she's a little constipated." Gibbs explained.

"What if she's a lot constipated?" Tony asked.

"When was the last time she pooped?" Gibbs questioned.

"The hospital changed her this morning." Tony replied.

"Alright that's still within twenty-four hours. If she hasn't gone by morning you can call the pediatrician but some babies don't go every day." Gibbs explained.

"I know but Jack never had issues and with Tali being premature." Tony explained.

"They wouldn't have sent her home if there were serious issues. If she had any thing even remotely alarming they would have told you." Gibbs assured.

"God I wish Ziva were here." Tony sighed.

"She is" Gibbs replied.

* * *

Gibbs had offered to take Tali for a while, so Tony could get some rest. Tony pretty much knew that he was not going to get any rest. He grabbed his tablet off his desk and sat on the bed. He opened up the gallery and thumbed through the pictures. He had already taken a ton of pictures of Tali and there were a lot of Jack as well. He didn't have near enough pictures of Ziva. He found himself selecting everyone of the Ziva pictures and putting them in their own special album. He found the most perfect picture of her and began to edit it. He faded the edges and drew a halo around Ziva's head, he drew hearts around her, and on the bottom wrote that she was his angel. With tears in his eyes he saved the photo. He logged onto Facebook and uploaded the picture.

" _Tony DiNozzo: Thirty-one days have passed since you left me. Our children are so beautiful, so perfect. I brought Tali home today and she is doing great. Jack is still mad at me but he is coming around. Things have not been easy but I have great support. For the most part."_

* * *

In a way Jack's young age was a blessing. He was bouncing back far quicker than anyone else. He had given up asking for Ziva and Tony couldn't help, but wonder if the toddler even remembered his mother. Except he was still asking for Tiggly. The child was desperate for his stuffed tiger and Tony was desperate to find a replacement. He had given up on finding the original Tiggly. The consensus was that Tiggly, had been accidentally thrown away after the accident. Knowing this broke Tony's heart but he continued to hold onto hope. He scoured local social media, Craigslist, and message boards. Just in case Tiggly had in fact been found. So far there had been no luck but Tony was not one to just give up.

* * *

 **A/N: Will Tony get the hang of raising Tali? New chapter will be up soon. Please review and thanks for reading.**


	13. Another David

Tali kept Tony and Gibbs up, most of that first night. The most common complication with premature births was weakened lungs. Well if Tali's lungs were weakened, Tony did not want to know what they would be at their full capacity. At one point the baby screamed non stop for a solid hour. Tony changed her, fed her, burped her, and walked her until he was seeing double. Gibbs repeated the process so Tony could sleep and then Tony took over again. That is how it went until the sun rose at dawn. That was around the point that Tali finally fell asleep. Tony had collapsed on the floor of the room he shared with Tali, and Gibbs found himself waking on the bathroom floor. Tali was up and ready to start the cycle again before lunch was prepared.

"Are they supposed to cry this much?" Tony asked.

"Yes Tony, that's what babies do. They cry, eat, and poop. Jack's only three don't you remember this with Jack?" Gibbs replied, smugly.

"Jack was never this bad." Tony countered.

"Yes he was. Remember Ziva got hit hard with postpartum depression and you were just as overwhelmed as you are now. I moved in until Ziva got herself together." Gibbs explained.

"How do I not remember that?" Tony questioned.

"Apparently woman have a gene or something that wipes away all the negative parts of pregnancy and birth. That is how they are able to even think about more than one. Well my guess is that men. I mean we don't have to worry about dying in the process or having a delicate part of our body ripped open. So long as you don't say anything stupid in the delivery room. Though we do remember the hormones and the long first nights. That's why we don't bolt at the second pregnancy or agree to have our dicks hacked off." Gibbs explained.

"How do you know about the gene? I mean is the story that old?" Tony asked.

"Kelly would only be about thirty four." Gibbs reminded.

"I mean did they think like that in the eighties?" Tony corrected.

"I don't know but Ducky was telling me about it when Ziva was first pregnant with Tali." Gibbs explained.

"Do you think Ziva would have gotten sick with Tali, too?" Tony questioned.

"Hard telling" Gibbs replied.

"She just seemed to have it so together." Tony recalled.

"She was a strong woman. She pulled it together a lot faster than anyone expected." Gibbs explained.

"I wish I was as strong as her." Tony sighed.

"Dammit DiNozzo! You are the strongest man I ever met. Stop putting yourself down." Gibbs insisted.

"Could you have handled it on your own?" Tony questioned.

"No but I was not half the father you are." Gibbs replied.

* * *

Shortly after lunch, Gibbs ran to the store for more diapers. Tony was going to go but Gibbs needed to get a few things anyway. This was the first time that Tony would be alone with both children. Jack had about an hour until his nap and Tali was drifting in and out of sleep. Soon after Gibbs left, nature called and Tony excused himself to the bathroom. He finished up as quick as he could and then returned to his children. He was expecting to hear Tali screaming. Given that seemed to be her favorite hobby. To his surprise Tony heard silence. He didn't see Jack in his room and was fully expecting the toddler to be wreaking havoc. His favorite activity since losing Tiggly. Instead he found a great surprise in his room. He discovered Jack kneeling on the bed, looking into Tali's pack and play. The baby was cooing and laughing, happier than she had ever been. Jack was happier than he had been in a while too. Tony's heat was warmed by this gesture. Yesterday Jack was more interested in his kiddie shows and the tiny plastic race track, Gibbs had purchased for him. To be fair Tali was more interested in her own hands than she was in her brother.

"Abba! She's smiling!" Jack cried.

"She likes you." Tony commented.

"She is so tiny. Was I this tiny?" Jack asked.

"Not quite that small but you were pretty tiny." Tony recalled.

"She has tiger jammies. They are like Tiggly." Jack smiled.

"Those were your jammies when you were new." Tony replied.

"Really?" Jack asked.

"Yes you loved Tiggly so much we bought those on the way home." Tony recalled.

"Does she have Tiggly?" Jack questioned.

"No Jack I am not sure where Tiggly is but we can pick her out a special toy and we can get you a new one too." Gibbs explained.

"Can we go to the zoo? Ima was taking me to the zoo." Jack recalled.

"You and me can go to the zoo this weekend. If Gibbs is agreeing to watch Tali." Tony suggested.

"I want Tali to go too." Jack insisted.

"Tali needs to get a little bigger before we take her to a big place like the zoo." Tony explained.

"Why?" Jack asked.

"Because new babies get sick really easy, especially the ones who were born early and places like the zoo are full of germs." Tony explained.

"Can I make her sick?" Jack questioned.

"Not as long as you are extra careful. Wash your hands and don't get too close if you are not feeling good. The good news is that Tali will be caught up soon." Tony explained.

"OK" Jack agreed.

* * *

Sometime after Gibbs returned from the store. He took Jack down to the basement for a carpentry lesson and Tali managed to finally fall asleep. For the first time since his daughter came home, Tony had nothing to do. Only one day had passed but it felt like so much longer. He was to wired to sleep and it was too close to dinner to eat. He thought about getting in on the carpentry lesson but that was Gibbs and Jack's special time. He was getting ready to head out for a run. When there was a knock at the door. Expecting it to be a friend checking in, he reluctantly made his way to the front. Standing on the porch was a small girl no older than nine. She wore a tattered dress and two different sneakers. A noticeable scar covered her right cheek and the base of her forehead on that side. She wore think oval glasses and a faded red headband. Standing behind the girl was a w woman in a pant suit. She was plain and of average height. Her glasses and clipboard, made her look like a clip-art of a social worker. Tony could not pay much attention to the woman. He saw plain, blonde woman every day. It was the girl that was so striking. Accept for the glasses, scar, blue eyes, and shorter hair; this girl was a dead ringer for Ziva.

"Are you Tony DiNozzo?" The social worker whose name was Trudy demanded.

"Yes, mam" Tony replied.

"You are the widower of Ziva David correct?" Trudy asked.

"Yeah" Tony replied.

"You were married in two-thousand thirteen, correct?" Trudy asked.

"Yes" Tony replied.

"Did Ziva ever mention having other children?" Trudy asked.

"No we dated off an on six years before we were married. Until her death our longest separations were two consecutive summers. Four months each." Tony explained.

"Two thousand eight and and two-thousand nine, correct?" Trudy asked.

"Yes" Tony verified.

"In August of two-thousand nine, Ziva gave birth to a baby girl, who was named Annalise Jennifer Gibbs." Trudy explained.

"I am sorry did you say, Gibbs?" Tony gasped.

"Yes" Trudy replied.

* * *

 **A/N: We all know Gibbs didn't/wouldn't get Ziva pregnant. So who is the father? New chapter will be up soon. Please review and thanks for reading.**


	14. Annalyse

Tony was taken aback, to say the least. Ziva had another child, and the father was Gibbs? Ziva and Gibbs were the last people he expected to sleep together. Gibbs was into redheads and would never go for a woman young enough to be his daughter. Ziva was not a fan of gray hair to say the least and would never sleep with the boss. It made no sense to Tony. All he could figure was that it was some other Gibbs. Maybe a son or brother, or some other person who just happened to have the last name Gibbs.

"Who is the father?" Tony asked, when he finally found his voice.

"According to the birth certificate a Jethro Gibbs." Trudy replied.

"I am sorry but that is impossible. There is no way that Ziva slept with Gibbs." Tony argued.

"He's right on that level." Gibbs replied.

"Boss... How I mean how long have you been here?" Tony asked nervously.

"About ten minutes." Gibbs replied.

"Do you know anything about this?" Tony asked.

"Yes and I will explain it to you. Just finish up here with Trudy and get your daughter situated. Once the kids are asleep we will talk." Gibbs explained.

* * *

Trudy left and Tony escorted Annalyse inside. This was a lot to take in and a major surprise for Tony. Apparently Gibbs knew something but Tony was not sure how much. He was hurt that Ziva never told him about her other daughter but understood her reasoning. Things were not great with Ziva at the time of Annalyse's birth. She had been so furious with him over Michael's death and that was on top of the blame over Jenny's death. Not to mention the child would have been born on board the Damocles. Tony was in a daze as he made his way to the kitchen and began helping Gibbs prepare dinner.

"Ziva got pregnant a few months before the thing with Michael. The father was a man by the name of Parker Weston. His brother was a security guard at NCIS at the time, uh Corey. Anyway Ziva and Parker met at Leon's Halloween party the year before Annalyse was born. They were together for about two months. Ziver got pregnant early on in the relationship but did not realize until after they had already broken up. Ziva told Parker as soon as she found out but soon discovered that Parker was married. Parker's wife threatened to take his other children away. So he denied paternity. Ziva didn't think you wanted to be a dad and she was not ready to be a mom. So she decided to have the baby put up for adoption. She had a few potential families but had run off to Israel before she decided anything. You know how that turned out." Gibbs explained.

"She wasn't pregnant when we rescued her from the Damocles." Tony recalled.

"She had already given birth." Gibbs replied.

"Where was Annalyse? There wasn't a baby on the Damocles. Where was the baby?!" Tony demanded.

"Ziva gave birth a month early and with no medical care. It was easy for her to convince her captors that Annalyse had died. She managed to get them to bring the boat ashore, so that she could bury the baby. In the dead of night she left the baby on the doorstep of the nearest house. She left a note instructing whoever found her to send the baby to America. She said that I was the father and that the baby was named Annalyse Jennifer." Gibbs explained.

"Why didn't she ever look for her?" Tony asked.

"She did a few years ago. She desperately wanted to take Anna in but the foster family at the time was pressuring adoption and I guess they had connections. I am not sure what happened to bring her here today but I am glad that she is with family." Gibbs explained.

"Why didn't she tell me?" Tony asked.

"She couldn't talk about it. For a long time she was terrified that Annalyse had died before making it to America. I only found out when she asked McGee to help her search for Anna." Gibbs explained.

* * *

For the time being Tony put Annalyse in Jack's room. The newest addition meant that Tony had to get out of Gibbs' place sooner rather than later. The house was bursting at the seems and Gibbs deserved more than the couch. There was Kelly's room but Gibbs could not bear to open up that room. For the first time since moving into Gibbs' place, Tony regretted selling his old home.

"Hey Tony, I am ready for bed." Annalyse announced.

"I will get you the extra toothbrush. It's Dinosaur Train but Jack picked it out." Tony explained.

"That's alright" Annalyse replied.

"For tonight you will have to sleep on the airbed but we will get you a better bed soon." Tony explained.

"I don't mind." Annalyse muttered.

"Hey are you alright?" Tony asked.

"Where's my mom?" Annalyse asked.

"Don't you remember me talking to the social worker?" Tony asked.

"Not really" Annalyse replied.

"I am sorry but your mom died last month. It was a car accident." Tony explained.

"So it's just us?" Annalyse asked.

"Yeah but we are a tight knit family. You have me, your younger brother Jack, younger sister Tali, and your Grandpa Gibbs." Tony explained.

"You all seem nice but I was really hoping for a mom." Annalyse replied.

"She wanted to know you too," Tony replied.

"Why did she give me up?" Annalyse asked.

"She could not be a mother to you back then and I was too stupid to be a father." Tony explained.

"So you are my father?" Annalyse asked.

"No but I am the closest thing you will ever have." Tony replied.

"I want to see my mom's grave." Annalyse replied.

"Oh Anna that might not be the best idea right now. Tony is having a rough time and I don't know if he can handle it." Gibbs explained.

"No it's OK, I will take you tomorrow." Tony promised.

* * *

 **A/N: What do you think of Gibbs' explanation? New chapter will be up soon. Please review and thanks for reading.**


	15. Daddy Daughter Day

Tony did not get any sleep that night. Instead he lay awake trying to process the events of the afternoon. He knew that Ziva was pregnant when Gibbs left her in Israel or he suspected that she was. He recalled the sudden weight gain and change in moods. How she started eating strange foods, how she was suddenly refusing drinks, and how she was always running off to the bathroom. What he did not know was who the father was or would have been. When they found Ziva on the Damocles but did not find a baby. He was sure to keep his mouth shut, assuming that Ziva had miscarried or worse those bastards had ended her pregnancy. Now here he was finding out that the child had survived and suddenly he had a third child. Annalyse was in no way his child by blood but he was all she had for a father. Gibbs had been declared the father but Ziva was angry then. Tony was surprised that the social worker did not give Annalyse to Gibbs but suspected that it had to do with his marital status to Ziva. He was happy to have a new daughter but also scared and hurt. He ached knowing that this girl would never know her mother. He feared knowing that she was old enough to need and want a mommy but she did not have one. He wished that he could do more for her.

* * *

The next morning Gibbs took charge of Jack and Tali, so that Tony could get to know Annalyse better. He figured that park was a safe destination. What seven-year old did not love the park? Trudy had not mentioned environmental allergies or any aversion to outdoors or crowds. So there were no real concerns. He told Gibbs where he was going and made sure to grab his wallet on the way out. A nice thing about seven-year olds was their ability to buckle themselves in, all Tony had to do was make sure the booster was secured and then check to make sure that she had fastened the belt. Before backing out of the driveway. The drive to the park was fairly quiet, but Tony was expecting as much. He had no idea what to say and he knew it was even more confusing for Annalyse.

"So what do you like best at the park? Swings? Slides? Seesaw?" Tony asked.

"Jungle Gym" Annalyse replied.

"Alright well lets head over there." Tony replied.

"Can't I play by myself?" Annalyse asked.

"Yeah sure" Tony replied.

"Cool" Annalyse replied.

"Before you go. What do you like? What is your favorite color?" Tony asked.

"I don't know I guess that I like animals and shopping is fun. Oh I love music. My favorite color I don't know probably brown. Oh my favorite food is pizza." Annalyse explained.

"Mine too!" Tony cried.

"Cool my old parents hated pizza and all junk food." Annalyse sighed.

"That's a bummer." Tony agreed.

"Can I go play now?" Annalyse asked.

"Do you like sports?" Tony asked.

"I play soccer. Now can I go?" Annalyse asked.

"Yeah" Tony replied.

* * *

After about an hour Annalyse decided that she was hungry. Knowing that Annalyse liked pizza. He selected the small pizza parlor down the road from the park. He ordered a small everything for himself and Annalyse selected the buffallo pizza. Tony was grateful that the seat in the back corner was open, giving him and Annalyse a little better.

"We can go shopping after lunch if you want." Tony offered.

"Don't you need to get back to Jack and Tali?" Annalyse asked.

"Nope Gibbs can keep them." Tony replied.

"I guess that shopping is OK." Annalyse replied.

"So do you go to church or anything?" Tony asked.

"Yeah but you don't have to go." Annalyse replied.

"I take Jack and Tali to mass, especaily after Ziva." Tony explained.

"What was she like?" Annalyse asked.

"She was smart, strong, and vibrant. A lot like you." Tony explained.

"Are you still OK with going to the cemetary?" Annalyse asked.

"Sure we can do that as soon as we are done." Tony replied, trying to hide his apprehension.

* * *

All too quickly lunch was eaten and Tony was driving to the cemetary. This would be his first time visiting since Ziva died. He had tried to bring Tali on the way home but he just could not. He knew that Ziva needed to see her youngest daughter but this was the time for Annalyse to see her mother. Tony pulled into the cemetary's parking lot and led his daughter down the path to Ziva's stone.

"She was Jewish but you take the kids to mass." Annalyse commented.

"Ziva was Jewish and I am Catholic but we agreed to let the kids decide which religon they wanted to follow." Tony explained.

"Oh" Annalyse replied.

"I know this is a lot to take in." Tony commented.

"What did she look like?" Annalyse asked.

"She was average height, with olive skin, brown hair, and brown eyes. She usually wore cargo pants and buttoned shirts. She always wore a Star of David." Tony explained.

"Do you have any pictures?" Annalyse asked.

"Yeah I have some at home. I will show you later." Tony replied.

* * *

After the cemetary Tony drove to a nearby thrift shop. He had only brought a few dollars and knew there was not much on his card. He wished that he could do more but between Ziva's funeral and all the time he was taking off, he was pretty low on funds.

"You can spend ten dollars." Tony explained handing Annalyse a bill.

"Thank you!" Annalyse cried.

* * *

Tony wandered around the store while Annalyse shopped. He tossed a pair of sneakers, two pairs of jeans, and four t-shirts into his cart. Before wandering over to meet Annalyse near the toy section. He noticed that she had a small doll, several books and DVDs, two shirts, pair of shorts, and a rabbit lamp in her cart.

"Annalyse?" Tony asked.

"It's nine fifty." Annalyse assured, showing Tony a carefully written ledger.

"Good girl" Tony replied.

"Oh hang on, doesn't Jack like tigers?" Annalyse asked, picking a stuffed animal off the top shelf.

"He does but you don't have to... Oh My God!" Tony cried.

"What's wrong? Am I spending too much? I don't need the lamp." Annalyse questioned.

"No Annalyse everything is fine. It's just, this is Tiggly, he was Jack's favorite toy but he lost him after the accident. He has the same scar on the arm." Tony explained, still in shock.

* * *

 **A/N: Annalyse is already making points as a big sister. New chapter will be up soon. Please review and thanks for reading.**


	16. Tiggly's Story

Very few positive things had happened in Tony's life since Ziva's death. His children surviving and Tali thriving were the first bright spots. After that came meeting Annalyse and now Annalyse had found Tiggly. Jack had obtained a pile of stuffed tigers in the wake of the accident. From both friends and kind hearted strangers, but none even compared to Tiggly. Tony had even tried editing Tiggly's look alike to pass off as Tiggly, but Jack was too smart for that. He knew the arm was just sewn and had never been torn, the marker was to bright, the wrong ear was nipped, and the wrong eye scratched. This tiger was obviously Tiggly. Tony walked with Annalyse to the register and let his daughter pay for herself. The lamp was a little more than Annalyse thought but Tony quietly slipped her the extra dime. Before stepping to the counter to pay for Tiggly.

"Oh you can have that. It's so ratty, we were just going to toss him but something told me to put him out anyway." The clerk explained.

"My son had a tiger just like this. Where did you get it?" Tony asked.

"He was brought in with a box of old toys two weeks ago. I was actually thinking he had got put in accidentally but I lost the donor's information." The clerk explained.

"My son lost this a month ago. I think he dropped it at the hospital when his sister was born." Tony explained, he could not bear to tell the Ziva story again.

"Come to think of it I think the person who brought this in was in the medical field. Yes he was an EMT. I guess he could have found it in the waiting room and accidentally tossed it in with the donations." The clerk explained.

* * *

Tony thought back to his conversation with one of the EMT's from Jack's ambulance. The woman had thought she had seen a stuffed tiger but when she checked the lost and found box. She found no stuffed animals. She said she would ask the other EMT's who responded to the call but she never got back to him. He recalled how the responding EMT's had sent him a sympathy card after Ziva's death. The EMT's who brought Jack in were named Dorothy Tiller the one Tony had spoken with, Ross Ford, Willard Cooper, and Nathan Lawarence. Tony logged onto Facebook hoping to get in touch with one of the EMT's and aske them about the tiger. Dorothy siad she hadn't heart anything, Willard did not have Facebook and the receptionist would not give his information. Ross turned out to be friend's with Delilah and told Tony that Nathan had found Tiggly. Tony dialed the number that Ross had given him and waited.

"Lawarence residence"

"Am I speaking to Nathan?"

"Junior or Senior?"

"Uh the one who is an EMT."

"That would be me Nate Senior. Is everything alright?"

"I am not sure if you remember or not, but my wife and son were involved in a wreck last month. My wife was killed and my son was injured. Jack ended up being OK but..."

"Ziva and Jack?"

"Yes" Tony replied.

"I am terribly sorry. May I ask why you are calling?"

"Jack lost his tiger in the accident."

"Oh God! The tiger!"

"So you did find it?"

"Yes I did. It had blood on it and with my profession my wife is an expert at getting blood out. I brought him home. She washed him and I was going to bring him back to the hospital the next day. That night my uncle passed away. I rushed out of town and when I got back he was gone."

"I found Tiggly today at Saints Thrift Store."

"No way! My aunt is living with us now. So my wife and I had to clean out the playroom. We donated the toys our boys have outgrown. Tigly must have ended up in there by accident. I am surprised he didn't get trashed. Even after the wash, he was pretty beat up."

"He's Jack's favorite."

"That explains it. Look I have to get to work but it is good talking to you and I am glad Tiggly is back home. I am sorry for your loss and my prayers are with you."

* * *

Tony got off the phone with Nate and tossed Tiggly in the wash. He stepped out into the back yard and looked up to the sky. After hearing Tiggly's story, he knew finding the toy was nothing short of a miracle. Between the accident, being left behind in the ambulance, Nate bringing him home, only for his uncle to die, the toys being packed away and donated, and how close Tiggly had come to being garbage. He thought about how the clerk was going to throw him out but was told otherwise. A voice had definetly told her not to get rid of Tiggly, and Tony knew exactly who it was. That was Ziva making sure her son got his toy back. Ziva was gone but she was still working in her family's life. She would never truly leave Tony or any of her children.

"You really are the best, Z." Tony called to the clouds.

* * *

That night Tony was getting Jack ready for bed. He had carefully tucked Tiggly in underneath the blanket with a note that read _"To Jack, From Ima and Annalyse"._ After Jack was bathed and made his nightly potty visit. Tony carried the flailing toddler down the hall to his bedroom. He placed Jack on the bed and lifted the sheets.

"Tiggly!" Jack cried.

"Let me see." Tony replied.

"It's Tiggly!" Jack cried handing the toddler to his daddy.

"He is from Ima and Annalyse." Tony announced.

"How did Ima find him?" Jack asked.

"Ima is always with you and Annalyse was the one who made sure he got back to you." Tony explained.

* * *

 **A/N: Tiggly is back with Jack and what a story. New chapter will be up soon. Please reivew and thanks for reading.**


	17. OK, Not OK, Maybe OK, No Not OK

Things were finally starting to look up for Tony. Tali and Tiggly were both home and well, Jack was doing better, and Annalyse was adjusting well. His depression was still strong but it was getting easier to carry on. He had even begun looking for a new house and talked about returning to work. Though Gibbs was still warning to take his time. Tony knew that he was rushing things but right now he really wanted his life to be normal. He wanted his old life back and he wanted to be the father he used to be again.

"I talked to Vance." Tony announced.

"What did he say?" Gibbs asked.

"He scheduled a psych eval for next Thursday." Tony explained.

"Are you sure you are ready?" Gibbs asked.

"Somebody has to pay the bills." Tony reminded.

"I am paying for everything and you can stay as long as you need." Gibbs reminded.

"I need my life back for the kids." Tony insisted.

"Just don't push yourself too far. The children need you stable and strong more than they need you working." Gibbs explained.

"Ziva's got my back." Tony assured.

"Tony..." Gibbs called.

* * *

Tony didn't care what Gibbs said. He was ready to get back to work, he needed to get back to work. Being home was actually driving him crazy. He was getting better but being alone was starting to get to him. He was missing Ziva but not pining the way he had been. He worried that he was forgetting her and he was hoping getting back to life would preserve his memories. It didn't make sense but he was tired and confused.

"I'm going to Ziva's grave!" Tony declared that afternoon, Tali and Jack were napping and Annalyse was playing outside.

"Should I get Annalyse?" Gibbs asked.

"No, I need to go alone." Tony replied.

"I'll be in the basement if you need me after." Gibbs replied gently.

* * *

It was a surreal experience for Tony to be alone at Ziva's grave-site. Until now he had only been there with the kids, Gibbs, or when he was there for the burial. Now he was totally alone and he was yearning for support. He knew he needed to face her grave alone eventually. He just wished he had not selected today. Unfortunately there was no turning back now. He had told Gibbs he was going and he was not running back now. He knelt down on the grass in front of the stone and ran his fingers over the letters and numbers etched into the granite. He lowered his hand and ran his finger around the small Star of David. He placed his palm over the star and that's when the tears began to fall. He still couldn't believe he was supposed to carry on with out her. That his memories would fade, Jack may not remember her, and Tali and Annalyse never would. The rest of the world had gone on and Tony had inevitably rejoined somewhere in the chaos. Going back to work would not help him remember but it would not help him forget either. It would just be a single step towards moving on.

"It feels like I am forgetting you but I am trying not to. You were short with soft olive skin, long and lush black hair, gorgeous brown eyes and you smelled like coconut butter. You tended to wear cargo pants and blouses. You mainly wore flats on your feet and your hair in a ponytail. You never took off your Star of David. I remember everything now but I fear I will soon forget but what I fear more is that the children will not know. I love you and I will make sure we all remember." Tony explained.

* * *

Tony returned from the cemetery. He felt a little better but was still conflicted. The children were awake by the time he arrived home. He took a series of deep breaths and put a phony smile on his face. Come to think of it. He was not sure he if he was really getting back to normal or if he was simply getting really good at faking normal.

"Abba!" Jack cried.

"Your home!" Annalyse squealed.

"Aw did you miss me?" Tony asked.

"Yes! Where did you go?" Annalyse asked.

"I went to see Ziva." Tony replied.

"Why didn't you take me?" Annalyse questioned.

"I needed to be alone. I have not gone alone in a while." Tony explained.

"Oh well can you take me tomorrow?" Annalyse asked.

"We'll see" Tony replied.

* * *

Tony faked his way through the rest of the afternoon. He hated how his emotions were all over the place lately. He was fine, then he wasn't, then he was fine again, and then he wasn't. It was his night to make dinner. He decided on macaroni and cheese, and chicken nuggets. It was simple and everybody loved it. He dumped macaroni into a pan, poured four cheese sauce over the top, tossed a few handfuls of cheese onto the top, sprinkled bread crumbs over the cheese and tossed the dish in the oven. When the macaroni was getting near done, he grabbed frozen chicken nuggets from the cupboard, and dumped the nuggets onto a microwave safe plate. He stuck the chicken in the microwave and took a seat at the table. He got bored after a while and walked over to Gibbs' cookbook shelf. It was hilarious to think of his retired Marine boss having a cookbook shelf but Gibbs had built it for Shannon years ago. He sorted and dusted the books. That's where he found it. The Israeli cookbook, Ziva had given Gibbs for Hanukkah a few years back. Just reading the word Israeli was enough to send him over the edge. He lost it when he opened it up and saw the note Ziva had written for Gibbs. _"Happy Holidays Gibbs! Shalom and I wouldn't want anybody else to give me away to Tony. Ziva."_ Tony dropped the book and fell to his knees. That's when he knew for sure, he was not OK after all.

* * *

 **A/N: Will Tony pass his psych eval? Will he even take it? New chapter will be up soon. Please review and thanks for reading.**


	18. Outburst

Tony came to in an overly bright hospital room, his hand and lower arm were wrapped in a white bandage. The last thing he remembered was finding Ziva's cookbook and having a breakdown in the kitchen. He studied the bandage on his right arm and panicked. Had he slashed his wrists? Oh God, had one of the children found him? How was he going to explain a suicide attempt. He was amazed by how easy it was to sit up in bed. He had no alarms or monitors attached to his body. Just an IV in his good arm that was filled with pain killers. He spotted Gibbs sitting in the corner and the older man was almost instantly by his side.

"Good you're awake." Gibbs commented.

"What did I do to myself now?" Tony asked.

"I don't know what the hell happened but you trashed my kitchen. You were crying on the floor and when you tried to get up you grabbed onto the hot stove. First and second degree burns, there will be scars but you will be OK soon. You just have to keep it bandaged and clean." Gibbs explained.

"You sure it wasn't intentional?" Tony asked.

"Yeah I was watching you when it happened but I couldn't stop you in time." Gibbs replied.

"Where are the kids?" Tony asked.

"McGee's got them." Gibbs replied.

"And they didn't see anything?" Tony asked.

"Nah I heard a commotion and checked. Food got burned but I left McGee money for a pizza." Gibbs explained.

"God, what's wrong with me?" Tony asked.

"You are grieving." Gibbs reminded.

"I was doing great today." Tony recalled.

"It can change in an instant." Gibbs explained.

* * *

Tony was released from the hospital not long after he woke up. He was sent home with a prescription for burn cream and a spool of bandages. He checked out the burn, before climbing into the shower. It was pretty nasty but he had seen worse. After the shower he put on the burn cream. His hand still hurt like hell but he had refused the pain killers. They made his behavior too erratic. Right now the last thing he needed was further erratic behavior. He had already trashed the kitchen and burned the shit out of his hand on the stove. What kind of grown man grabbed onto a hot stove? He re-wrapped his hand and changed into his pajamas. Annalyse was waiting when he exited the bathroom.

"Gibbs told me that you burned yourself. Are you alright?" Annalyse asked.

"It hurts pretty bad but they gave me some cream and I will be OK in a few weeks." Tony explained.

"I'm glad you are OK." Annalyse replied.

"Same here" Tony agreed.

* * *

After the kids had gone to bed, Tony returned to the kitchen. He wasn't sure if it was in his head or if the smell of burned flesh was still filling the room. He was surprised to find the kitchen was sparkling clean. Everything had been washed and the cookbooks were neatly alphabetized on the now dust free shelf. A yellow note sat in the center of the counter. Tony picked the note up and looked it over.

" _Tony,_

 _I hope you feel better soon. Gibbs was pretty freaked out when he called but Gibbs tends to worry. The kids have been wonderful so far. I hope Gibbs doesn't mind the kitchen but Delilah cannot stand a dirty kitchen._

 _McGee"_

* * *

After reading McGee's note, Tony shifted his attention to the cookbook shelf. He scanned the books and noticed that one was missing. It was the Israeli cookbook. The book he had been reading when he fell apart. The book that brought back all the pain of losing Ziva. His memories showed him throwing the book away. He walked over to the trash but discovered the can had been emptied and a new bag placed. The next day was trash day. He ran out the back door but the cans were already moved. He flung the gate open and raced down the driveway. He flipped the can open and grabbed the top bag. He began picking things out and tossing them to the four winds. Ended up ripping the bag open and letting the contents spill out over the driveway.

"TONY! WHAT ON EARTH ARE YOU DOING?!" Gibbs cried, racing out the door.

"Ziva's cookbook! I had it when I freaked out! I threw it away! Now it's gone!" Tony bellowed.

"It's OK. McGee found it. It was torn and dirty, but Delilah knows how to fix and clean books. They will return it soon." Gibbs explained.

* * *

Tony helped Gibbs clean up his latest mess. He had trashed Gibbs' home twice in less than twelve hours. At the rate he was going. He was going to totally destroy the place by the weekend. He had injured himself and let food sit in the oven. That was a direct fire risk. If he wasn't careful. He was going to put his family in danger. Annalyse had survived hell, and both Jack and Tali had survived that horrific accident. He would never be able to forgive himself if he lost the rest of his family to his stupidity.

"I am sorry." Tony apologized.

"Don't worry about it. The kitchen and the yard needed to be cleaned anyway." Gibbs assured.

"Am I losing my mind?" Tony asked.

"It's hard not to lose your mind in this situation." Gibbs replied.

"What if I hurt the kids?" Tony asked.

"That's why I want you to stay here. I can keep an eye on things." Gibbs explained.

"Will I ever be able to be on my own again?" Tony asked.

"One day" Gibbs assured.

* * *

Tony removed the dirty bandages and ended up having a second shower. He put on a fresh pair of pajamas and put the dirty pair in the washing machine. Once the dirty clothes were cleaned and dried. He carried them back to bed and climbed into bed. The Star of David lay on his pillow. He picked up the golden pendent and held it close to his heart. He closed his eyes and placed his head on the pillow. He drifted off to sleep still holding the pendent in his hands. It was nothing like sleeping with Ziva but it felt like she was by his side. For a moment he swore that he felt her in his arms. He wished he could stay like this forever.

* * *

 **A/N: Is this the last of Tony's outbursts? New chapter will be up soon. Please review and thanks for reading.**


	19. Fears

Tony ran his good hand through his eldest daughter's hair. He was having an OK day considering how the previous night had gone. He had woken up in tears and slept most of the day away, but he was not feeling the way he did the night before. During the night he felt insecure and manic. He missed Ziva but he was trying to forget her. Today was depressed but he did not feel like his skin was crawling.

"Are you feeling better?" Annalyse asked.

"A little, yeah" Tony replied.

"Last night seemed rough." Annalyse commented.

"It was miserable." Tony confessed.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Annalyse asked.

"Not with a seven year old." Tony replied.

"Well talk to somebody." Annalyse insisted.

"I was going to talk to Gibbs." Tony assured.

* * *

Tony sat on his bed and watched his two youngest children sleep. He wished that Ziva could see them. Tali was so much like her. Her eyes were already becoming dark and her hair was growing in wavy and black. She was Ziva. Jack was growing every day. He had grown nearly three inches since Ziva's death. Tony knew that his son was going to be heart-breaker one day. Ziva had blessed him with three beautiful children, but that did not make losing her easier. Tony's heart would never recover from the tremendous loss he had suffered.

"I love all of you." Tony whispered.

* * *

Annalyse kept an eye on Jack while Tony tended to Tali. At three years old Jack didn't really need somebody watching him at all times but Annalyse wanted to be a big girl, babysitter and Tali was still so small and delicate. Jack was racing his trains around on the floor, laughing and slapping the carpet. Annalyse sat across from her brother keeping a watchful eye. After a while Annalyse got bored of just watching and joined Jack on the floor.

"Like trains?" Jack asked.

"They are pretty cool." Annalyse admitted.

"I like tigers! I have a tiger train!" Jack cried holding up his orange and blue train. It was an Auburn University souvenir item. Tony had found it at a garage sale but Jack didn't care. He just wanted the tiger.

"My foster sister went to Auburn." Annalyse commented.

"Auburn?" Jack asked.

"It's a college in Alabama. They have a vet school. That's what Marie did." Annalyse explained.

"What's college?" Jack questioned.

"It's a school for adults, so they can know how to do their jobs. They live in dorms which are like apartments." Annalyse explained.

"Oh" Jack cooed.

"Yeah it's cook and I can't wait to go. Just twelve more years. I am going to be teacher. I am going to teach sick kids in the hospital." Annalyse explained.

"Hospital school?" Jack asked.

"My friend Janelle got sick and they taught her right in her room." Annalyse explained.

"Are you smart?" Jack asked.

"I make all A's. That's the best grade you can get." Annalyse replied.

"Cool!" Jack cried.

* * *

Tony stood in the doorway and watched Annalyse and Jack. His heart was warmed by the way his children loved each other. Ziva would love seeing her children so happy and so bonded. He knew that it was Ziva who had made Jack into such a fine young man and strangers who had made Annalyse into the little lady she was. He looked down at Tali who slept in his arms and that's when he started to worry. What if he could not teach her to be as wonderful as her siblings? What if he screwed her up and she ended up being a criminal? He had so many fears, Gibbs wanted to talk tonight but even if they talked all night. He would not even scratch the surface of his fears.

* * *

The basement was lit by a dim overhead light. The bulb buzzed and flickered. Gibbs sat on an old milk-crate and Tony sat on the work bench. Gibbs took a swig from his bottle and looked up into Tony's eyes. Tony took two big swigs from his bottle. He tossed the empty onto the floor and reached for another but Gibbs smacked his hand away.

"Sorry Tony, I am cutting you off at two." Gibbs apologized.

"Why?" Tony questioned.

"One it's a slippery slope, two you are depressed. Alcohol is a depressant aka the last thing you need. You can have coffee though." Gibbs offered.

"I am already not going to sleep." Tony sighed.

"Talk to me." Gibbs instructed.

"I am worried about myself." Tony admitted.

"Tell me about it." Gibbs replied.

"Last night flipped me out bad. I have never broken down like that." Tony admitted.

"Go on" Gibbs guided.

"I keep thinking about the stove. I mean this burn hurts like hell but it could have been so much worse. What if you hadn't been here. What if the house had burned. Annalyse could have gotten out but Jack and Tali were both upstairs. I doubt Jack could have carried Tali down the stairs and Annalyse couldn't have gotten up and down in time. My mind keeps flashing to Baltimore. Jason and his sister. The same thing could have happened to my baby." Tony explained.

"I was here and I am not leaving you alone until you are doing better. If I have to go out and I can't take you with me. I will find somebody to sit with you or just not go." Gibbs explained.

"I hate crying for her. I know she wouldn't want me to cry and mourn for her but it's so hard. Then there are the kids. What if they see me? How am I supposed to explain this grief?" Tony questioned.

"Ziva would mourn for you just as much and you would have felt the same way. If the kids see you just tell the truth. You are missing their mother." Gibbs explained.

"What do I tell Tali?" Tony asked.

"Whatever she wants to know." Gibbs replied.

"They should have known her, she should have known them." Tony sniffed.

"They will and she did." Gibbs assured.

* * *

 **A/N: Has Tony begun to face his fears? New chapter will be up soon. Please review and thanks for reading.**


	20. Emotional

It took most of a month but Tony's hand finally healed. He had noticeable scars but he could finally use his hand again. His hand was healed but his heart was still broken. Ziva had been gone two months now and it wasn't any easier. In fact it had only gotten harder. Tali and Annalyse had never known Ziva and Jack was forgetting her. Tony was doing everything he could to make sure his children knew their mother but it was hard for him to think about her. Gibbs kept telling him that what he was feeling was normal and that things would be OK, but Tony was not seeing it. He only saw himself falling deeper and deeper into the abyss. If it were not for the children. He would have ended things long ago and everybody around him knew that. Day sixty-five was one of those days where he just couldn't force himself to get out of bed. No matter how hard he or anyone else tried.

"I sent the kids to McGee's." Gibbs announced around noon.

"Mmmhuuuhhh" Tony moaned.

"It's just us now." Gibbs replied.

"I miss her!" Tony sobbed.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Gibbs asked.

"No go away!" Tony demanded.

"Do you still have those pain pills?" Gibbs questioned.

"Why?" Tony asked.

"Please tell me you are not going to do something stupid." Gibbs pleaded.

"I don't have the strength to kill myself." Tony moaned.

"God, Tony now I am worried." Gibbs replied.

"I just can't." Tony sobbed.

"I am taking the bottle and I am locking a few things away. You just rest. Like I said the kids are out and I don't have to be anywhere." Gibbs explained.

"Whatever" Tony murmured.

* * *

Tony awoke again, around five. This time he was restless. He pulled himself out of bed and ran over to his dresser. He began grabbing clothes from the doors and throwing them around the room, until he finally found what he wanted to wear. When he was dressed he folded and rearranged his clothes about fifty times. Before finally being satisfied enough to hit the head. After using the bathroom he moved around the house opening and closing doors and rearranging anything he could lift on his own. He came into the kitchen and was in the process of pushing the table across the room, when Gibbs stepped inside, two grocery bags tucked under each of his arms, and two more dangling from each hand.

"Thanks for keeping an eye on him, Duck!" Gibbs called.

"No problem, Jethro!" Ducky called back.

"Was he good for you?" Gibbs asked.

"He was wonderful. Though he has been rearranging for the last half-hour or so." Ducky replied.

"What am I six?" Tony asked.

"I can't trust you alone." Gibbs reminded.

"You are acting like Ducky is my babysitter!" Tony snapped.

"Tony" Gibbs called.

"Screw you, Gibbs!" Tony snapped.

* * *

In twelve hours Tony had gone from severely depressed, to restless, to beyond pissed off. He stormed out of the house behind Ducky, and jumped into his car. It was his first time being behind the wheel, since the burn. He put the car in gear, gripped the steering wheel, and backed out of the driveway. He had no idea where he was going but he had barely left the house since Tali came home. He really didn't have anywhere to go anymore. He found himself driving around completely lost and with no idea where to go. Around eight he pulled into a hotel. By some degree of mercy he had grabbed his wallet on the way out of the house. He parked the car, grabbed his go bag, and headed inside. He rang the bell and waited at the desk until he received help.

"Checking in?" The manager asked.

"Yes" Tony replied.

"Single or double bed?" The manager asked.

"Single." Tony replied.

"How many nights? Check out is at one." The manager questioned.

"One night for now." Tony replied.

"Cash, Check, or Card?" The manager asked.

"Card" Tony replied handing over his credit card.

"Very well" The manager replied.

* * *

Tony was given a key-card and advised that the left elevator was out of service. He headed for the stairs and climbed until he got to his floor. He opened the door and made his way down the hallway. He first at the ice machine and scooped some into his cup. He had bought a soda at a gas station and it was pretty warm by now. He came to the room he thought was his and slid the card in the door but the door would not open. He jammed the card in harder and cursed under his breath. When it still didn't work he threw down his luggage, his ice cup, and his drink. The liquids spilled out onto the floor and the suitcase hit with a soft thud.

"Wrong room" A familiar voice called.

"Oh I am sorry. I could have sworn my card said 318." Tony apologized.

"It's alright Tony." The voice assured.

"Fornell?" Tony asked.

"That's my name. Don't wear it out." Fornell joked.

"What are you doing at a hotel? Bad joke convention in town?" Tony asked, joking for the first time in weeks.

"Nah a pipe burst at my place. Glad to see that you are joking around." Fornell replied.

"You led me on. I am pretty miserable." Tony admitted.

"That's how it goes." Fornell replied.

"That's what Gibbs keeps saying but today is pretty bad." Tony explained.

"That's how it is." Fornell assured.

"How did you get OK so quickly?" Tony asked.

"Truth is I am far from OK but I am functional. I function because I have to. Emily needs me and I need to be strong for her." Fornell explained.

"How do you do that?" Tony questioned.

"You just do." Fornell replied.

* * *

 **A/N: Will Tony be able to take Fornell's advice? New chapter will be up soon. Please review and thanks for reading.**


	21. Confidant

Fornell called something to Emily and then followed Tony to his actual hotel room. Tony opened the door and the two men stepped inside. They sat side by side on the bed. Tony slumped his shoulders and hung his head. Fornell reached over and put his hands on Tony's shoulders.

"Why are you here?" Fornell asked.

"I needed to get out." Tony replied.

"Why?" Fornell questioned.

"I had a fight with Gibbs." Tony admitted.

"Does he know you are here?" Fornell questioned.

"No I just ran away." Tony confessed.

"So you ran away from both Gibbs and your children?" Fornell inquired.

"Yeah" Tony sighed.

"You probably need a night away but I still want you to call Gibbs. I can talk to him if you are worried he will come after you, but you have to tell him where you were." Fornell explained.

"I will call" Tony groaned.

"Good boy" Fornell replied, patting Tony on the back.

* * *

To say that Gibbs was worried sick was an understatement. He was scared to death for his boy. He knew that Tony was a flight risk and should have never let him go. His greatest fear was that Tony would do or worse, had done something stupid. Losing his boy would be his greatest failure. His heart would be broken if he had left three children orphaned. He had tried calling and texting Tony several times but never received an answer. He had dialed nine and one on his phone multiple times but could never make the call. He feared they would not look for Tony because he was an adult and it had only been a few hours. If he said that Tony was suicidal they could drag him off to the nut house. That was the last thing either man needed. While Jethro knew that Tony was in need of intensive psychiatric help. It had to be Tony's idea to get the help. If not it would fall on deaf ears. He would not commit Tony. Unless he tried something stupid. Which Gibbs prayed had not happened that evening. He was in the middle of pacing the living room, hiding his fear from Annalyse. When his phone buzzed. He dove for the device and yanked it off the table. A strong sense of relief washed over his head when he saw that it was Tony calling him. His boy was OK after all. At least that's what he hoped.

"Hello?"

"Boss"

"Where are you?!"

"Harding Hotel, Room 216."

"Why? Are you at a roadside hotel?"

"I needed to get away."

"From?"

"I just needed a night."

"So you aren't going to try anything?"

"I am not going to kill myself. I am not that stupid. I just need to get away."

"I..."

"He's with me Jethro. No need to worry."

"Tobias?"

"Burst pipe, hotel for a few days and apparently Tony's babysitter for tonight."

"Just make sure he doesn't try anything."

"I know how to watch people, Jethro."

"He's really bad tonight."

"I know I am right here."

"I just worry OK?"

"No need to."

"See I am fine. I will be back in the morning. I just needed a night."

"I will drive him home."

"Deal"

* * *

Tony fell back onto his bed and stared up at the hotel ceiling. It was a series of tiles in messy rows running from one wall to the other. He counted the tiles one, two, three, four. Each tile had a series of brown dots scattered over the plaster. He tried counting the dots but lost count pretty fast. He had promised Gibbs that he would not kill himself and Fornell was right there but in that moment he wanted to die. He had no idea why a ceiling had him so depressed and he really wasn't in the mood to find the answer.

"She's right here watching you. That's the first thing you need to know." Fornell explained.

"Spiritually I know that she is here but I want to hold her. I want her physically with me." Tony replied.

"That's where it gets tricky." Fornell sighed.

"I still doubt my choice to turn off her life-support." Tony admitted.

"Jethro told me what Abby said. That's pretty cold." Fornell replied.

"It's not just Abby. I felt that way before. I mean what if I was wrong?" Tony asked.

"She was as good as gone Tony. Her body was broken, you did a kindness." Fornell assured.

"She didn't want to live paralyzed but I just want her by my side." Tony confessed.

"It's better to have her memory than the living shell of who she was." Fornell explained.

"What about when the memory fades?" Tony asked.

"You will never forget." Fornell assured.

"How do you know?" Tony questioned.

"I have been there." Fornell reminded.

"Was it hard to talk to Emily about it?" Tony asked.

"I kept a brave face and answered any questions she may have but I would weep and breakdown in private." Fornell explained.

"Did she ever catch you?" Tony asked.

"Yeah once" Fornell admitted.

"What did you do?" Tony inquired.

"She asked what was wrong. I knew that she was perceptive, so I told her. She sat down beside me and took my hand. Then we cried together." Fornell explained.

"My kids may be a little young to understand." Tony sighed.

"But they will still cry and it will do a world of good if you cry with them. Then they will know that you are hurting as much as they are. Be brave as much as possible but if you have to breakdown. Just breakdown." Fornell explained.

"So you really don't mind crying?" Tony asked.

"No sir" Fornell assured.

"Good because I am five seconds away from losing it." Tony croaked.

"Come here, DiNutso." Fornell instructed, tears forming in his eyes.

* * *

 **A/N: At least Tony has a new confidant. New chapter will be up soon. Please review and thanks for reading.**


	22. A Slightly Better Day

The night in the hotel was extremely helpful to Tony. He slept and relaxed peacefully under the watchful eyes of Tobias Fornell. The next morning the ate breakfast and took a few hours to just unwind and talk. By that afternoon Tony returned home. After Jack and Tali woke from their naps. He took all three children to the cemetery. They stood side by side with Tali in Tony's arms. A light rain had fallen in the early afternoon and the stone was covered with a light mist. It sparkled in the now bright sunlight.

"Ima?" Jack asked.

"Yes, Jack this is your Ima." Tony replied.

"Why? She there?" Jack asked.

"Well she's under the. I mean when you die..." Tony rambled nervously.

"I'm going to turn to a rock when I die?!" Jack cried.

"No Jackie. That's just where Ima's body is. You see when you die they put you in the ground. So that your body can decompose. I don't remember why. I just remember that Johnny Darius got in trouble in Sunday School for saying it was because of zombies." Annalyse explained.

"So you have to be in the dark forever?!" Jack cried.

"Well we have bodies and we have souls. Our bodies are what walk, talk, play, go to the bathroom, and learn. Our souls are basically what makes us who we are. When we die our bodies release our souls. It's a little like when a caterpillar becomes a butterfly. It's the best of us and we don't hurt or get scared anymore. When you die you go to heaven if you are a good person and you get to be around your family. Ziva will be there when you graduate high school and when you go on your first date. She is always a part of you." Annalyse explained.

"So Ima's here but not here?" Jack asked.

"That's the simple answer." Annalyse replied.

"What if I want her to sing to me or brush my hair?" Jack asked

"That is why Abba and I are still here." Annalyse replied.

* * *

Tony was amazed by Ziva's daughter. He wished that he could take credit but he was simply the guardian. He wasn't sure what her foster parents had been like, but he l knew that every ounce of Annalyse came from Ziva. She was her mothers daughter through and through. She was wise beyond her years and stronger than most men. She was young and deserved a childhood. He would not expect her to be the woman of the house but she was one hell of a big sister and a dream of a daughter. He had a moment of guilt that Ziva was not able to meet her but, Annalyse was right. Ziva was forever a part of them. She would always be there with them.

"I am telling you it was amazing. She was explaining things to Jack that I don't understand and he was getting it. I have never known a kid like that." Tony explained to Gibbs.

"Kids are a lot smarter than you think." Gibbs replied.

"Oh I know but Annalyse is like an adult. It is amazing. She is amazing. She is a mini Ziva." Tony explained.

"She is a great kid." Gibbs agreed.

"I wish I could take credit but it's all Ziva." Tony replied.

"That may be for Annalyse but you are one hell of a father and you were long before Ziva died. She and I talked all the time. Believe it or not she thought Jack was great because of you." Gibbs explained.

"She never gave herself enough credit." Tony remarked.

"Sometimes like minds attract as much as opposites." Gibbs laughed, popping open a soda.

"Your drinking soda?" Tony asked.

"Can't a man drink a Mr. Pibb in the afternoon?" Gibbs asked.

"You just don't seem like a soda guy." Tony replied.

"It's true I prefer coffee and bourbon but sometimes I just shake it up a bit." Gibbs explained.

* * *

The time around dinner had become slightly notorious for upheaval in the recent days. Everybody was praying for a pleasant diversion from the now normal chaos. Unfortunately for the DiNozzo family and Gibbs. For some reason the pattern of uncertainty would continue. Tony was setting the table and about to comment on how peaceful the evening was. When there was a knock on the door. Tony set down the utensils in his hand and walked towards the front door. An official looking man in a dark blue suit stood on the porch.

"Are you Anthony Dimitri DiNozzo Junior? Widower of Ziva Elizabeth David?" The man asked.

"Yes" Tony replied.

"I have a subpoena for you to appear in court on February twentieth two-thousand and seventeen. At three o'clock in the afternoon." The man explained.

"Why?" Tony asked.

"You being the widower of Mrs. David-DiNozzo are being sued for a car accident that Ziva was involved in on December 1st of last year." The man explained.

"That was the accident that killed Ziva. Why the hell am I being sued for the accident that killed my wife?!" Tony demanded.

"The young man driving the other vehicle had an athletic scholarship to University of Maryland. Until the car accident destroyed his left knee and hip. He has lost his scholarship and been forced to drop out of school." The man explained.

"So I am being sued for my wife's death. Because some kid can't keep his athletic scholarship. A kid who was drunk _and_ texting behind the wheel. During school hours I may add!" Tony snapped.

"I don't know sir. I just hand out the papers. I can't even have a reaction to anything. I am sorry about this but that is all I can do." The man apologized.

"I don't blame you. I am just hurt." Tony replied.

* * *

"What's going on?" Gibbs asked as Tony returned to the kitchen.

"I am being sued." Tony replied.

"Why?" Gibbs asked.

"The kid who hit Ziva got hurt and his parents are suing because he lost his scholarship." Tony explained.

"That little punk. Oh I'll give his parents something to sue about." Gibbs growled.

"Don't bother it's not worth it." Tony replied.

"So what then?" Gibbs questioned.

"I will find a lawyer, testify, and pray that I win." Tony replied.

"You are stronger than I, son. Stronger than I." Gibbs replied, stroking Tony's hair.

* * *

 **A/N: How will the case go? New chapter will be up soon. Please review and thanks for reading.**


	23. Trial

Tony lawyered up, as soon as it hit that the subpoena was real. He got a friend of McGee's who was willing to take the case pro-bono. Her youngest son had just started first grade and she was wanting to get back into the workforce. She was taking the case to get her feet back in the door. Normally Tony would not take a person like her but she had defended Tim following an auto accident a few years back and saved him thousands of dollars in the ensuing lawsuit. He prayed that the this Carla woman could work the same magic for him and that he could be free from this latest ordeal. In the hours before the trial. He sat in Carla's cramped home office. Tossing a series of dinosaurs and action figures, off of the day bed that sat in the center of the room.

"Sorry about the toys. We made it clear to the Davey and Carson this was strictly an office but my mother in law is on home hospice. When my father in law died suddenly it was either spend her last days here or in a facility. So the boys are sharing a room until. Well until she passes. Then I think we will just move the office in there and put Carson in here. Rooms are the same and we don't have to worry about the anxieties." Carla explained.

"I have three kids. I am used to toys." Tony laughed.

"It's always nice to meet another parent. My single and childless friends are great but they just don't get it." Carla explained.

"That changes pretty quickly." Tony replied.

"Oh yeah" Carla laughed.

"Being a single parent changes things even faster." Tony confessed.

"How did you know?" Carla asked.

"The signs are there." Tony replied.

"It was quick and my parents helped me out a lot but now it's time to handle on my own." Carla explained.

"I can pay you for the case." Tony offered.

"No I just want to prove I can come back after eight years. Just as strong as ever and Tony I would not take this case if I doubted myself." Carla assured.

* * *

All too quickly Tony and Carla, the kid, the kid's parents and the families lawyer were wedged into a dimly lit room at the courthouse. The kid sat in a wheelchair donning his high school football uniform. The sickening thing was that Tony had been that kid. A sports obsessed jackass with no regard for his future. He had been lucky being saved in Baltimore but he didn't see this kid changing. His mother would give him a look and he would groan or start to cry.

"As you can see my client is in great pain. Both physical and emotional." The kid's lawyer explained.

"I am sorry for that but he was breaking the law." Carla argued.

"I am just a kid! Show some mercy!" The kid cried.

"Listen son I am not going to buy into the kids will be kids business. I would be appalled if my boys were driving drunk in their forties. You pulled this stunt illegally at sixteen. That is not being a kid. It is being an entitled brat." Carla countered.

"Excuse me! How dare you speak to my son like that?!" The kid's mother demanded.

"She has a point Steph and Hank has been warned before." The kids father replied.

"Shut-up Patrick! You are only hear to pay the lawyer." Steph hissed.

"Lovely" Patrick scoffed.

"Hey we are protecting me. Saving my life." Hank sniffed.

"See how you hurt him! This is my only child. My sunshine, he is my world." Steph snapped.

"Thank you mommy" Hank sniffed.

"Hank may I ask you a question?" Carla questioned.

"Mean lady wants to talk to me." Hank whispered to Stephanie.

"Hank Carter Franklin you are seventeen years old. Not seventeen months old. Speak like an adult and yes the lawyer has to talk to you." Patrick ordered.

"I know it's hard but you have to talk to her. It's how we will get what we are owed." Steph corrected.

"Hank, imagine if you were without your mother. If she were not here to protect you. If she were never at your games or any of your other defining moments. Imagine if she never checked you out of school for a special afternoon or made your favorite dinner after a bad day. Imagine if the only way you could see your mother was in photographs and you had to go to the cemetery to visit with her. Instead of just going down the hall." Carla explained.

"What does that have to do with anything?" Hank demanded.

"Because Hank, that is the life that you gave Tony's children. Because of your actions Tony's children will never see their mother again. She won't be there for them. She will be a memory and they will miss out on so much." Carla explained.

"She shouldn't have been on the road. My mom was doing mom things during the day. She wouldn't have been on the road." Hank scoffed.

"Hank!" Patrick snapped.

"Well she was on the road and sometimes mom things involve being on the road. She was also driving with her son and unborn daughter who by the Grace of God are still with us. Your behavior shows me that you truly do not care. For that reason young man. I am presenting you and your lawyer with a counter wrongful death suit." Carla explained.

"You can't do that!" Hank cried.

"Actually she can." Patrick explained.

"She can but she doesn't have much of a case." The lawyer replied.

* * *

An hour later Tony was in the courtroom with Carla standing on the defendants side and the Franklin clan and their lawyer Larry on the plaintiff side. The occupants stood as the judge approached his bench and sat at his command.

"Let me get this straight son. You are suing a widower over his wife's death. Because your injuries cost you, your scholarship?" Judge Harriet questioned.

"Yes your honor." Hank replied.

"Let me tell you something. Even if Mrs. DiNozzo had not died that day. If you had not been in an accident. You had just been pulled for a DUI. That free ride would be gone and if it weren't I would greatly call into question the morals of that committee. Honestly this is the most disgusting and ridiculous thing I have heard in my entire life. Forget my twenty year tenure as a judge and twenty-five years as a lawyer before that. In my entire sixty-four years of life. The fact that a lawyer would even represent you is mind boggling and I am disgusted that your mother supports you. I know by your father leaving the room he is as sickened as I am." Judge Harriet explained.

"What are you getting at?" Hank asked, nervously.

"I am throwing out this case. That being said I am accepting Mr. DiNozzo's counter suit. I sentence you to twenty-five years for vehicular manslaughter. Stephanie I only wish I could charge you for raising a jackass. I can't even slap an accessory charge since bail was posted. That being said you will be covering Mr. DiNozzo's legal fees, Mrs. DiNozzo's funeral costs, purchasing the DiNozzo's a new vehicle, and covering any wages Mr. DiNozzo has lost." Judge Harriet declared.

"No! You can't do that! That will be thousands of dollars!" Steph cried.

"You are taking my life away!" Hank cried.

"Stephanie just think of what the DiNozzo's lost. When you are grieving your money and Hank you took a woman's life away and destroyed a family. You must pay the price and any judge I have ever met or will ever want to meet, would feel different." Judge Harriet declared.

* * *

 **A/N: I am not sure how realistic the meeting was but hey fiction. Naturally the judge didn't even want to hear Hank's case. As if he had a case. New chapter will be up soon. Please review and thanks for reading.**


	24. It Never Ends

Tony found himself shaking in the courthouse parking lot. He had won the case and extremely easily at that, but the trauma was still there. This day had been a truly horrible experience. Being sued for his wife's death. Even if it had been thrown out and the kid ended up going down. Just the fact that Ziva's life could mean that little. The fact that all of his suffering could have been the tip of the iceberg. It was all just too much for him. He had sent Carla home because her boys needed her but now he was alone. He had his phone in his hand but his addled mind could not remember how the hell the damn thing worked. He was obviously crying and he absolutely hated crying in public. He felt a hand hit his shoulder and he jumped a mile.

"Aghhhh!" Tony cried.

"I didn't mean to scare you." Patrick apologized.

"What do you want?" Tony questioned.

"I wanted to apologize. For Stephanie and Hank." Patrick replied.

"What do you mean? They are your family?" Tony asked.

"Pfft not anymore. Stephanie is about to be my ex and Hank is only my son because allegedly my sperm created him." Patrick explained.

"You are really leaving them?" Tony asked.

"I cannot take this bullshit anymore. They are both nothing more than spoiled brats. Admittedly I used to give in to Stephanie but when Hank got really out of hand. I started to see the error of my ways and started trying to straighten Hank out." Patrick explained.

"But you hired the lawyer." Tony commented.

"Yeah because Stephanie took advantage of me. I was in Omaha helping my brother out when the accident happened and Stephanie made it seem like Hank had legitimately been in an accident and that you were the one going after us. I didn't even see the case information until today. I didn't even know your wife died until the lawyer brought it up." Patrick explained.

"How could you hire a lawyer without knowing what had happened?" Tony demanded.

"My nephew has some severe medical problems. About four months ago he got really sick and spent a month in ICU. He's still in the hospital actually. At the same time my sister in law developed severe preeclampsia and had to deliver at only thirty-three weeks. To top it off she had severe postpartum depression. So she had two kids in the ICU and was fighting depression. I flew out there to help out and was chasing the other four kids around and doing all the household chores so my brother could be at the hospital. I was so overwhelmed I wasn't thinking clearly." Patrick explained.

"What a bitch" Tony scoffed.

"Everybody warned me." Patrick admitted.

"Still I feel like it's my fault." Tony admitted.

"Steph and I have been unstable for years. We largely got married because she was pregnant with Hank. We made it work but I started doubting things when Hank was eleven years old and stole a car. He hit a sick kid's service dog. The dog gave his life for his boy. Stephanie insisted that Hank had just made a mistake. That's when it fell apart. I almost left then but my dad walked out and that's when I started really making mistakes." Patrick explained.

"If any of that is true I pray that you find peace." Tony replied.

"Thank you and I never expected your mercy." Patrick replied.

* * *

It was late at night and Tony was sitting on the steps of Gibbs' basement. He had just finished recounting the events of the day. Gibbs stood on the basement floor with his mouth agape. Tony had to admit that he would not believe the story. If he had not been the one to live it out. Tony was still in shock over the whole thing. He didn't even remember getting home from the courthouse. He remembered the parking lot and then waking on the floor of Gibbs' living room, his body trembling and his face burned from all the tears he had cried.

"So the judge sentenced the kid and then the dad served the mom divorce papers right there in the courthouse parking lot?" Gibbs questioned.

"Yep" Tony replied.

"Man that's like a bad TV show needing a wrap up and fast." Gibbs laughed.

"Except it's my life!" Tony hissed.

"Sorry I...I just can't believe it. It's absolutely insane." Gibbs apologized.

"It is and as glad as I am that it is over. I just I mean it still hurts." Tony explained.

"You may have cleared a hurdle but you are still at the start of this journey." Gibbs explained.

"Was this the hardest hurdle?" Tony questioned.

"Not even close." Gibbs replied.

"Well shit" Tony gasped.

"Yeah it pretty much sucks." Gibbs admitted.

* * *

Even later that night Tony was tossing and turning in his bed. He wasn't sure if it was the traumatic events of the day or the hours long blackout he had suffered after the trial. Whatever the case he was not even close to tired. His son slept peacefully on the toddler bed beside him and his infant daughter stirred in the crib on the other side. Tali stirred once more and then began to scream her little head off. Tony pulled himself up and walked over to the crib. He picked Tali up and looked into her eyes. They grew darker every day and every day she became more like Ziva. He went through the age old routine of diaper check, burping, and offering a bottle. When his daughter refused everything he offered, he knew that it was just baby angst. He walked over to the rocking chair and held her close. She continued to scream but Tony did not mind. He just loved having his little piece of Ziva close to him.

"Stop!" Jack groaned, covering his ears with the pillow.

"Why is she crying so much? Is she sick?" Annalyse asked, entering the room.

"I think her ear may be hurting her. She feels a little warm but I am not too worried. I will take her to the doctor in the morning." Tony explained.

"Oh because my tummy hurts." Annalyse admitted,'

"Mine too" Jack cried.

"Grrmuggrrr" Annalyse sounded as she promptly threw up on Tony's lap.

"Gibbs!" Tony called.

"What is it?" Gibbs asked from the hallway.

"Can you get me two buckets please? The kids have stomachaches and Tali just threw up on me." Tony explained.

"There stomachs hurt too? God I was hoping the Chinese food I ate for lunch had gone by because. Hold that thought." Gibbs explained before racing into the bathroom.

"Three sick kids and a sick Gibbs. Man when does it end?" Tony asked falling back against the chair, fresh tears falling from his eyes.

* * *

 **A/N: Poor Tony, it never ends does it? New chapter will be up soon. Please review and thanks for reading.**


	25. Sick Day

All three kids and Gibbs, were throwing up and running low grade fevers. By morning Tony had vacuumed all three bedrooms and put five different sheet sets in the laundry. He had already made an emergency appointment for Tali with the pediatrician and the other two would be worked in, but Tony was not as worried for them. He just wanted Tali checked given how serious stomach flu could be for a baby. The pediatrician had advised him to take her to the ER if she showed signs of dehydration but so far she was keeping her pedialyte down and her color was as good as to be expected. Poor Jack seemed to be the worst off of any of the kids and Tony would give him the appointment slot ahead of Marley. The kids were not that bad to deal with. Tony had handled sick kids before. Even though until now it was only Jack and one time Victoria Palmer. Gibbs on the other hand was a nightmare. Tony would take thirty sick toddlers and a sick dog during a tornado. Before he would deal with a sick Gibbs.

"I don't need this! I will be fine in no time!" Gibbs cried throwing the bucket at Tony.

"I have put two different sheet sets of yours in the wash already! You are keeping the bucket!" Tony snapped.

"I am feeling better already." Gibbs insisted, before getting sick all over his third sheet set.

"You were saying?" Tony questioned.

"Just not the paisley sheet set. I hate that but Shannon insisted." Gibbs replied.

"You are getting what I find!" Tony snapped.

"Fine Jack!" Gibbs snapped.

"Thank you for the compliment." Tony replied, with a genuine smile.

* * *

Tony called Ducky to look after Gibbs while he took the kids to the doctor. He figured between Ducky being a doctor and having put up with Jethro for nearly three decades, he was without a doubt the best bet. Tony had to carry Jack and Tali to the car but Annalyse managed to make the walk. He tossed two buckets to the back and instructed Annalyse on what to do if Tali aspirated. Apparently the bug was going around. Because the waiting room was filled with children hunched over buckets, frazzled staff racing back to retrieve trashcans, mop buckets, and anything else that would contain vomit to a finite space. Parents were shoving at the information desk to get the next free slot. Poor Jack barely made it through the door. Before firing from both ends, blowing out of the pull-up Tony had put on the boy on the way out. Annalyse followed suit and Tali was third in line.

"All three at the same time? You poor thing. The good news is it's just a twenty-four hour bug." A mom informed Tony.

"First time deal with sick kids totally on my own and my dad is sick too. He is the worst." Tony sighed.

"Oh does your dad have health problems?" The mom asked.

"Worse he's a retired Marine who hasn't been sick in seventeen years and does not handle sick well. My grandfather had nightmares about his battle with chicken pox, right up until the day he died." Tony explained.

"You're in my prayers." The mom laughed.

* * *

Mercifully Dr. Clarke managed to see all three DiNozzo children. He sent Tony home with a shopping list. Thankfully Ducky was willing to mind the children and Jethro. While Tony did his grocery shopping. Tony never thought that grocery shopping would be relaxing. Until he was away from the stomach flu for a few minutes. At least he thought he was away from the flu. His stomach started aching as he walked through the store and by the time he was at checkout, there was no denying it. All he could do was close his eyes, breathe, and pray. By some miracle he made it out to the parking lot before his stomach emptied itself. He pushed the cart ahead of himself and hurled into the storm drain.

"Of course you throw up by the handicapped spot." A familiar voice groaned,

"Sorry" Tony apologized.

"Don't worry about it. Tim told me about the flu, we had it last week. Come on I will give you a ride home." Delilah assured.

* * *

Delilah drove Tony home and then went with Tim to pick up Tony's car. Jimmy ended up coming over to play caretaker to the DiNozzo's. Breena had taken Tori to visit her aunt down in Florida. With no risk of passing on germs and nothing to do. Jimmy was more than willing to step up. It was a long miserable night but some how they got through. Annalyse and Gibbs bounced back almost exactly at the twenty-four hour mark. The still nauseous Tony could not bear the smell of the macaroni they had heated up at five in the morning. Somehow he powered through and made it through the illness. Both him and Tali were feeling far better by evening and both managed to keep there dinners down. Jack on the other hand remained miserable throughout the second night. Eventually Tony gave up and just put a blanket and pillow on the bathroom floor. At least then he only had to clean the tiles. At four in the morning he was awoken by a blood curdling scream. Assuming Annalyse had just seen one of Jack's plastic creepy crawlers. He smirked and rolled over in bed. When he heard Gibbs scream. He knew that something was very, very wrong. He jumped out of bed and raced to the bathroom. Jack was lying unconscious on the floor, in a puddle of blood. A small trickle of blood was dried to the boy's mouth and he soon began to gag and wheeze. Tony raced over and fell to his knees beside his son. Jack's eyes rolled back as he vomited a puddle of pure blood. By now Gibbs was on the phone with 911.

"Yes my grandson, is vomiting blood."

"Three"

"No he hasn't eaten anything unusal. He did have the stomach flu."

"Well they gave him some medicine but his sister's are fine."

"As far as I know he doesn't have any allergies."

"325 Laurel Street"

"Fifteen to twenty minutes? We should be able to wait but if not I can drive them."

"Yes in that case I would let you know."

"Put something bright on the mailbox or send somebody out?"

"Great, bye"

* * *

"Annalyse, I need you to go wait for the ambulance. Can you do that?" Gibbs asked.

"Yes, Grandpa Gibbs." Annalyse replied.

* * *

 **A/N: What's going on with Jack? Poor Tony it's always something. New chapter will be up soon. Please review and thanks for reading.**


	26. Agonizing Wait

The ride to the hospital was a complete blur. Tony did not let go of his son's hand until he was forced to at the hospital. All the horrible memories of the accident came roaring back. He wondered how he would carry on if he lost his boy too. He knew that the girls needed him but if Jack died. Who's to say the girls would not be next? A few moments later Gibbs fell into the chair beside him, saying something about the kids being with McGee. The minutes ticked by and Tony swore that an entire lifetime had passed. At long last the door opened and a doctor stepped into the waiting area. There weren't many others in the room and Tony prayed that the doctor was coming for him and that the news would be good.

"Family of Jackson DiNozzo" The doctor called.

"That is us." Tony replied.

"I am Dr. Monroe, I am the on call attending physician." Dr. Monroe

"How is my boy?" Tony demanded.

"We ran a cat-scan and discovered the reason for Jackson vomiting blood. He has a small mass at the base of his stomach." Dr. Monroe explained.

"A tumor?! My five year old has a tumor!" Tony cried.

"That is what it looks like but we will not know anything until we preform surgery. We will preform a biopsy tomorrow at two. I know it's a long wait but that is our next surgical slot. If all goes well we will be able to remove to tumor that same day. If not we will proceed with radiation and possibly chemotherapy." Dr. Monroe explained.

"OK" Tony choked out.

* * *

The coming hours and day were beyond miserable. It killed Tony to see Jack drugged and weak. He hated the wait but was terrified of the surgery. His greatest fear was that the tumor would be cancerous and Jack would not be strong enough to survive. He wished that Ziva were here. She was the brave one, the one who could handle things. His heart was breaking in two and he just wanted somebody to be by his side. He had Gibbs but he wanted Ziva. Ziva gave a certain warmth that Gibbs just could not give. Tony was lost in thought when the surgeon came into the room, to take Jack away.

"Mr. DiNozzo, it is time to take Jack for pre-op." Dr. Harris announced.

"OK" Tony replied.

* * *

Dr. Harris gave Tony a few extra moments between pre-op and the actually procedure. Tony sat on the bed and wondered if this would be the last time he had ever spent with his son. Annalyse had been by early that morning. She had cried when she was forced to leave. Tony knew that he was sharing her fears. Jack was only half-awake on the bed. He was drugged out of his mind to prepare his little body for the operation. Tony ran his hand through Jack's hair and kissed his forehead. He studied every one of his son's features. Making sure to memorize every inch of the boy. This may be the last time he saw the boy alive. He shed a single tear and hastily wiped it away. He felt like such a coward but he had never been so scared in his life. Not even when he knew that he was going to lose Ziva and in the days afterwords.

"I love you so much Jackson, you are going to do great." Tony said, before giving his son one last kiss.

* * *

The entire team had come to wait with Tony. They gathered around the waiting room. Tony was so riddled with fears. That he was practically sitting on Gibbs' lap. They had said that the operation could take up to four hours and by the end of hour one. Tony was going stir-crazy. He jumped out of the chair and raced out of the hospital room. He ran like he had never run before, until he came to the bus-stop just outside of the the hospital's parking lot. He heard a driver shout "Are you getting on?!" Before he could answer Gibbs answered for him. With a harsh no. The driver scoffed and yanked the door shut. Tony turned and faced his boss. Before collapsing into his arms, shaking with fear.

"I am so scared!" Tony cried.

"Jack is a strong kid. He will do great." Gibbs assured.

"What if he comes through the surgery OK but it is cancer and he dies?" Tony asked.

"It will be benign and Jack will be fine in now time." Gibbs assured.

"I just lost Ziva and dealt with that trial. I can't take anything else!" Tony cried.

"Do you want to go to the chapel?" Gibbs asked.

"It couldn't hurt." Tony replied, even though his faith was greatly shaken.

* * *

Tony spent half an hour in the chapel, praying to God that his son would survive. He begged, cried, and bargained. He vowed to give twenty years off his own life. If he could get just one more with his beloved Jackson. He returned to the waiting room and Gibbs told him the surgeon had just said that it would be another hour. The last hour drug by longer than the past thirty-six had. Tony's body shook as he released even more tears.

"Tony?" Dr. Harris called entering the waiting room.

"How is he?!" Tony demanded.

"Jack did great. We were able to remove the entire tumor. We will have to wait on the pathology report but it appears to be benign." Dr. Harris explained.

"When will we know?" Tony asked.

"Three to seven days" Dr. Harris replied.

"And if it is cancer?" Tony questioned.

"We will follow up with a round of preventive chemotherapy." Dr. Harris explained.

"What are his chances if it is cancer?" Tony asked.

"I would say about ninety-five percent. His only risks now are infection and if is cancer he would have the risk of complications associated with chemo." Dr. Harris explained.

"Thank you" Tony breathed.

"Is there anything else we need to know?" Tony asked.

"He will be on a temporary feeding tube for the next six weeks. Longer if he has cancer. From there he will be introduced to a liquid diet and slowly be reintroduced to solid foods. I would say it will be a three to six month process." Dr. Harris explained.

"Thank you, Dr. Harris. May I see my boy?" Tony asked.

"He will be in recovery in recovery another twenty to thirty minutes. You can see him as soon as he is in a regular room." Dr. Harris explained.

* * *

 **A/N: Jack is on the road to recovery but how will Tony handle a long term sick kid? New chapter will be up soon. Please review and thanks for reading.**


	27. Recovery Mode

Tony waited until after seeing Jack, to make any calls. He was so frazzled by everything making calls completely slipped his mind. Until the doctor he spoke with asked about visitors. The good news was that this meant Tony could provided the latest information. Jack was still doing well but would be out the rest of the night, and that it was best that visitors wait until morning. Everybody Tony called said the thing. They were hoping that the tumor was not cancer but glad everything had been removed if it were. The last call Tony made was to Jack's very worried older sister. Who was staying at her friend Britney's house for the next few nights.

"Hey Annalyse"

"Hi daddy! How's Jack?!"

"He is doing great. They got all of the tumor and he is going to be just fine."

"Is it cancer?"

"They won't know for a few days but the doctor's said that they didn't think it is. If it is cancer he just has to do a few weeks of preventative chemotherapy and then he will be good as new."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes they got all of the tumor. It was not as big as they thought and the surgery was very easy."

"That is the best news ever!"

* * *

Jack's room was eerily quiet. The only sound was the soft beep of the heart monitor. Tony knew that Jack would not wake until morning, but still he was expecting some sign of life. Jack was doing great but the fear was still there. Everything could go to hell fast and then what would Tony do? The loneliness was really starting to get to him and he wished that he had not sent Gibbs away. All too soon Tony's watch beeped and then all too soon it was time to end the visit. For the night visits with Jack were limited to only ten minute increments. This would be the rule until Jack was in a regular room, rather than just in the open floor in the Pediatric Intensive Care Unit.

"I will be back soon, Jack. I promise." Tony whispered.

* * *

The time between visits with Jack was agonizing. It was close to dinner, so Tony headed down to the cafeteria for his dinner. He bought a cheeseburger and a side of fries. He managed to eat half of both, before his stomach allowed no more. He discreetly tossed the remaining food in the trashcan and headed out of the cafeteria. He checked his watch. Still another half hour to go. He returned to the waiting room and watched a rerun of the Waltons. With an elderly couple whose grandson had been hit by a car.

"It's weird the dad on that reminds me of my son's namesake." Tony commented.

"Oh yeah?" Ed asked.

"Well he's really like my adoptive grandfather. His son was my boss but now. Now he's the closest thing I have to a father." Tony explained.

"Is that so?" Vera asked.

"Yeah that's why my wife and I chose the name Jack. He was so great to both of us, sadly he died when our boy was still small. They were only able to meet twice but big Jack sure did love his namesake and vice-versa." Tony explained.

"You know that big Jack was watching over his namesake." Vera commented.

"He is one hell of a guardian angel. The accident that killed my wife. She was pregnant with our youngest daughter at the time. The car was destroyed. Crushed like a soda can really but both Jack and Tali were fine. Tali was born premature but she is doing great. Jack had very minor injuries. He's one tough kid. I am eternally grateful." Tony explained.

"That is amazing." Ed gasped.

"It really is. A true and real life miracle." Vera added.

"Lets just hope that Jack doesn't run out of miracles too quickly." Tony whispered to himself.

* * *

Tony had time for one more visit before visiting hours came to an end. Tony stepped into his son's hospital room and returned to his post. He swore that he heard Jack stir but even if that were the case. Even if Jack had begun to wake. The drugs were powerful and he would not be fully conscious for a number of hours. The doctors were predicting that Jack would be out of it for the next couple of days. After that he would be in a great deal of pain. Tony wasn't sure what he hated more. Seeing his son so drugged he could not wake or seeing him in so much pain he cried out.

"Mr. DiNozzo, visiting hours are over." Dr. Ferris announced.

"What if he wakes up and is afraid?" Tony asked.

"Well are you staying in the waiting room?" Dr. Ferris asked.

"Of course" Tony replied.

"Alright well then I we will call you if he needs you." Dr. Ferris replied.

"I will be on that first couch." Tony replied.

"Alright" Dr. Ferris replied.

* * *

Tony didn't get much sleep that night but it was still more than he had gotten in days. Between the stomach virus, Jack suddenly becoming sick, the news about the tumor, and the wait. Sleep just would not come to him for days. On this day he managed to get a full four hours of sleep. When he woke he was actually somewhat out of it. He stumbled to the cafeteria and grabbed a bowl of cereal for breakfast. It was some store brand cereal and it tasted like wood, but it was only a dollar. He managed to eat two thirds of the bowl. He tossed the remainder of the bowl into the trashcan and then headed upstairs for his morning visit with Jack. To his delight, Jack was actually awake this time. He took a seat beside his son and picked up his son's hand.

"Daddy?" Jack asked.

"Good morning son, I love you." Tony whispered.

* * *

 **A/N: Test results arrive in the next chapter. New chapter will be up soon. Please review and thanks for reading.**


	28. The News

The next week was the longest week of Tony's life. It was pure hell waiting to find out if his son had cancer or not. The disease was gone but it would have still been there. The tumor could grow back just as easy as the cancer but he had heard horror stories. Just a simple mass but it came back and it went haywire. Then it was too late and horrible decisions were made. He hoped and prayed that the tumor was benign and that it would stay gone forever. Jack deserved to be healthy and grow up to be a strong member of society.

"It's been seven days. I should know something by now." Tony commented.

"Didn't they say seven to ten days?" Gibbs asked.

"Three to seven" Tony replied.

"It's still early." Gibbs reminded.

"How can you be so calm?" Tony questioned.

"Because you are freaking out." Gibbs replied.

* * *

Tony was in his son's room as soon as visiting hours began. Jack was still in the hospital but was at least out of the ICU. He was officially on the NG tube but was still throwing up multiple times a day. It was worrisome to Tony but the doctor's assured him it was natural. Everything was worrisome. Jack had already had a tumor and now every sneeze was the end of the world. Something simple had turned to a near tragedy once. Who's to say it wouldn't happen again.

"I'm hungry." Jack whimpered.

"They just gave a feed. I wish it could be more but your stomach is still weak." Tony reminded.

"No I want a cheeseburger." Jack replied.

"As soon as you are healed and can handle solid food, I will give you the biggest cheeseburger you have ever seen." Tony explained.

"Promise?" Jack asked.

"I promise." Tony vowed.

* * *

Tony felt incredibly guilty when he entered the cafeteria and saw cheeseburgers offered. As delicious as the burgers looked, he could not even consider eating one. He ended up choosing the side salad and a cup of two day old vegetable soup. He took a seat with a couple other hospital parents. They were cancer parents. Talking about a boy they knew who had just relapsed for the fifth time in his thirteen years of life.

"It's been five times. He barely had a month of being cancer free this time." One mother said.

"Still not even exploring treatment options? Isn't that a little cold?" A father asked.

"There isn't much they can do. He's too sick for any trials and traditional chemo didn't even touch his cancer." Another mother replied.

"He's had dozen's of surgeries." The first mother added.

"Sad thing is when he first got sick they thought they were over it." A second father commented.

"What did he have ALL?" Tony asked.

"No it was a tumor on his stomach when he three. It grew back a year later and it's been a never ending battle since." The first mother explained.

* * *

It took all Tony had not to vomit his soup and salad all over the table. This child had the same tumor as Jack. He had been fine and now he was dying. Could that be the fate that Jack suffered. He excused himself and found himself pacing around in the parking lot. He felt sick but there wasn't enough in his stomach to throw-up. He paced, shook, and cried. He knew that he was being irrational but so much could go wrong, and he had already lost so much. He collapsed onto the rail and gasped for breath until he relaxed.

* * *

Exactly one hour after his freak out, Tony was called back to Dr. Harris's office. This was it. He was finally going to get the news he had been waiting so long for. This was the news that would make or break the next few weeks for him. It would be a short course of chemo but it would be chemo none the less, and that meant more suffering for poor Jack.

"I am sure you are extremely anxious to hear the results." Dr. Harris said as Tony took his seat.

"More than you know." Tony laughed.

"I have excellent news for you." Dr. Harris replied.

"Go ahead." Tony replied.

"The tumor is benign and the type of tumor has a less than thirty percent chance of recurring." Dr. Harris explained.

* * *

Tony felt as if he was walking on air. The tumor was benign and it would more than likely never return. Jack would heal and the nightmare would finally be over. He wanted to dance down the hospital halls but knew that was wrong. For one thing it violated all kinds of codes and regulations and for another thing it was unfair to the parents who had not gotten good news. Instead he quietly walked down the hallway and found the two people who were just as anxious as he was.

"How did it go?" Gibbs asked.

"Is Jackie, OK?" Annalyse questioned.

"Jack is cancer free and tumor will more than likely never grow back." Tony explained.

"What did I tell you?! See?! That's the best news!" Gibbs cried.

"Best news ever! Jackie doesn't have cancer!" Annalyse exclaimed.

* * *

Jack was cancer free and it killed Tony they couldn't have a big celebration. At least not right away. Once Jack was well enough to eat. They would have a huge party as soon as Jack was well. There would be cheeseburgers, chocolate cake, and every one of Jack's favorite foods. It would be a huge deal. Because Jack would be cleared from the horrible illness that could have taken his life. Yes there would be a huge celebration when Jack was well, but for now they just took solace in knowing that Jack was recovering. He stood in the waiting room holding his dad and oldest daughter in his arms. Jack was too young to understand anything but this was a pivotal moment for Jethro, Tony, and sweet little Annalyse. The family would not be broken any further.

* * *

 **A/N: Jack is cancer free! New chapter will be up soon. Please review and thanks for reading.**


	29. Jethro and Jack

It took ten days but Jack was finally released from the hospital. Tony was relieved but terrified at the same time. He was relieved to finally have his boy home, but Jack was still sick and that was terrifying to him. At least he was still living with Gibbs and that meant back up. Annalyse had volunteered to help too but Tony was not expecting much out of a seven year old. Jack was still on the feeding tube but they were hoping to introduce a liquid diet after another week or so. The process was going to be long and tedious but he didn't mind. It certianly beat the alternative. The alternative being Jack being dead or still too sick to come home. The main challenge besides feeding was keeping the active toddler quiet and calm. He was feeling much better now and just wanted to play with his sister and his friends.

"Are you comfortable?" Tony asked.

"Yeah" Jack sighed.

"What's wrong?" Tony asked.

"Wanna play!" Jack cried.

"I know Jack but you have to take it easy until your tummy is better." Tony explained.

"Thought it was better." Jack sighed.

"It is a little better. A lot better actually but your stomach is still sore and the doctors just want you to take it easy a little longer." Tony explained.

"Wanna play!" Jack cried, shoving past Tony.

* * *

Jack made it all of two steps before doubling over in pain. Tony picked the child up and carried him over to his bed. He covered Jack with the Spiderman blanket and kissed him gently on the forehead. It was a school day. So Annalyse was gone for the day and Jethro was minding Tali. Tony thought that he was in for some down time. There is no such thing for a single parent. There is barely down time for two parents. Tony was just putting his feet up on the couch. When his phone rang. It was the kid's pediatrician. Tony was expecting the doctor to be checking in on Jack or asking a question about Annalyse being added to the insurance plan. Something Tony could handle easily and maybe not even have to get off the couch. No such luck.

"Hello?"

"Yes you are speaking to Tony DiNozzo."

"No Jack is feeling much better. I brought him home today actually."

"It is?"

"Is it possible to reschedule?"

"Twice already? Right."

"Wait Tali was in for the stomach flu a few days ago."

"Right the vaccinations."

"She was premature though."

"No her height and weight aren't that far off of a child born on time."

"She's the healthiest kid I've seen."

"Today at two o'clock?"

"Yeah I'll be there."

* * *

Tony made his way down to the basement. Jethro was standing over the work bench sanding away at a shelf he was building for Analyse. When he saw Tony he set down the sander and removed his protective equipment. He approached the stairs and stopped a few feet away from Tony's face.

"Need something?" Jethro asked.

"Can you watch Jack for a couple hours this afternoon?"

"What time and why?" Jethro asked.

"I have to take Tali to the doctor at two." Tony replied.

"She alright?" Jethro asked.

"She has her two month check-up. I tried to reschedule but I did that twice with the trial and then when Jack was still in the hospital. Tali got looked over pretty good when she had the flu but she needs her two month vaccinations." Tony explained.

"Shots?" Jethro asked.

"Yep" Tony confirmed.

"Your in for a fun night." Jethro laughed.

"Don't remind me." Tony sighed.

"Well of course I will watch Jack. Do I need to watch Annalyse too?" Jethro asked.

"She has girl scouts after school and Rhonda is going to drive her home." Tony explained.

"Does Rhonda have my number?" Jethro asked.

"She will after I text it to her." Tony replied.

"She's not a text only person, right? I hate texters." Jethro commented.

"She will call you." Tony assured.

"See that she does. Good luck at the doctors." Jethro replied.

Jethro saw Tony and Tali out the door. Before heading into Jack's room. He found the toddler lying on his bed. A bored expression etched onto his face. It killed Jethro to see the child so sick. Jack was just like his parents. He always had to be doing something or he became purely miserable. Jethro thought back to when Tony was recovering from the plague. In those first days when he couldn't really get out of bed yet, but was wanting entrainment. Jethro would tell him stories and Tony always loved that. Maybe it would work with Jack as well.

"Hey Jack" Jethro called.

"Grandpa!" Jack cried.

"Feeling better?" Jethro asked.

"Kinda" Jack replied.

"Do you want me to tell you a story?" Jethro asked.

"Sure" Jack replied.

"Excellent. Since you know about when Tali and Analyse were born. What if I tell you the story of the day you were born." Jethro suggested.

"OK" Jack replied.

"It was a surprisingly cool day in August. Not cold but cooler than usual and it was always a hard day for me. Until that afternoon..." Jethro started.

* * *

 _ **Flashback**_

* * *

 _Jethro stood alone in the dark basement. He had called out of work and nobody even had to ask why. Today was one of those days that never got any easier. It should have been Kelly's birthday. Her thirtieth to be exact. He should talking her through that crisis everybody went through at their thirtieth birthday. Instead he was alone with no family. With a broken heart he walked over to the shelf and scooped up a bottle of bourbon. He had just opened the bottle, when he heard footsteps rushing down the steps. He groaned and wondered who had the nerve to come down here and see him today? It was Tony and a heavily pregnant Ziva._

" _What do you want?!" Jethro demanded._

" _We know that today is hard for you and we normally wouldn't come by but this is kind of an emergency." Tony explained._

" _What kind of emergency?" Jethro demanded._

" _Ziva and I were picking up a few things for the baby from an online sale. We were just driving down your street when our car broke down. My phone is on the fritz and Ziva left hers on the counter." Tony explained._

" _Can't you walk to the gas station? It's only a few more blocks away. Shannon made that walk pregnant all the time." Jethro explained._

" _We could but then another complication arose." Tony replied._

" _What now?" Jethro asked._

" _It's time." Ziva gasped._

" _How close are you?" Jethro asked instantly calming._

" _Ziva's water broke in your living room." Tony admitted._

 _The next few minutes were a blur. Jethro remembered calling for an ambulance and watching Tony climb in the back behind Ziva. He had vague memories of driving to the hospital but nothing clear until the door to Ziva's room opened and Tony stepped out. He walked with Tony into the room and saw a perfect bundle in Ziva's arms._

" _It's a boy." Ziva announced._

* * *

 _ **End Flashback**_

* * *

"And your parents named you Jackson Jethro DiNozzo. While I still mourn for Kelly on that day. I could not pick a better person to share her birthday." Jethro explained.

* * *

 **A/N: Sorry if I got it wrong about Tali's vaccinations. New chapter will be up soon. Please review and thanks for reading.**


	30. Long Day

For the longest time Tony just stood in the doorway of Jack's bedroom. He was amazed and moved by the sight. Jack had not been this calm since he started to come around after the surgery and Jethro had never slept that well. At least not as long as Tony had known him. Now they were both peacefully asleep. Jack was resting safely in Jethro's arms. It was getting late and Tony knew that Jack would not sleep, he napped much longer but he could not make them wake. He just wanted this precious moment to last forever. Finally Tali stirred in his arms and let out a violent cry. In an instant the peace was gone. Jethro frantically checked his watch and ran over to Tony's side. While Jack weakly opened his eyes and looked over at his father and grandfather.

"How long have you been home? I am so sorry. I just fell asleep." Jethro apologized.

"I got home about twenty minutes ago." Tony replied.

"I am so sorry." Jethro apologized again.

"Don't worry about it. Jack hasn't slept this well in days." Tony replied.

"I know but Annalyse is probably wondering about us." Jethro countered.

"She got home not long before I did. She had a snack at scouts and is doing her homework downstairs." Tony explained.

"Did it look bad that she was alone?" Jethro asked.

"They know about Jack, so they weren't too worried. They were just glad Annalyse knew that was your car in the drive." Tony explained.

"Was she worried?" Jethro asked.

"She came up and checked on you." Tony replied.

"I told Jack about the day he was born and then he just went out in my arms." Jethro explained.

"He was so beautiful and I will never forget you holding him that first night." Tony recalled.

"He's the grandson I always wanted." Jethro admitted.

"I couldn't have picked a better grandfather for my children." Tony replied.

* * *

Jethro was not kidding when he said Tony was in for a rough night. It was four in the morning and Tali had been screaming her head off for hours. She was running a slight fever but nothing serious enough to raise alarm. Tony was trying to hold off on using any medication to ease Tali's pain. Jack had, had a few strange reactions and Tony reacted strangely to any pain medication. Even if he gave her the medicine. There was no guarantee that it would do anything. Besides being sick. Tali was tired and she was pissed. Tony couldn't say he didn't blame her. he had always hated shots. It took all he had not to break down crying when they stuck her with the needle but knew better than to react. The last thing he needed was to pass his fear onto his children. Tali had done surprisingly well through the shot but must have figured out in the car. Because she had been screaming ever since. Tali continued to scream and Tony checked her temperature for the fifth time that night. Her fever had gone down but Tali was still furious.

"Come on, Tali. I know you aren't feeling good but please just go to sleep already." Tony begged.

* * *

It was well after sunrise before Tali finally fell asleep. Her fever had broken around five in the morning but Tali did not relax for hours after that. Tony had wanted to ask Jethro for help but the older man had already done so much. Once Tali finally calmed down. Tony collapsed onto the couch. Holding her half empty bottle in his arms. He remained in that position until he was gently shaken awake by Jethro.

"Tony" Jethro whispered.

"What?" Tony yawned.

"I am taking the Annalyse for lunch. Do you wany anything?" Jethro asked.

"Don't worry about me." Tony replied.

"I will bring you a little something. Now you just get some sleep." Jethro insisted.

"Deal" Tony yawned.

* * *

Ducky had come over to help out with Jack. While Tony rested and Jethro treated Annalyse to lunch. The old doctor had administered feeds and took note of Jack's condition. The child was doing tremendously well considering all he had been through. His wound was already nearly healed and his coloring was great. Ducky knew that Anthony's love was the reason Jack was recovering so well. It had been touch and go at the start but now it was as if the tumor had never been there. Ducky had done research and spoken with several different doctors. Ranging from oncologists to radiologists. They all confirmed the initial diagnosis. It was a benign tumor and more than likely. It would never grow back. Ducky watched Jack sleep and noticed just how much he looked like Anthony. He had a lot of Anthony in him. He was strong and always fought his way back from the abyss.

"How is he?" Jethro asked.

"He is doing wonderful. You and Anthony are doing everything right. I will be back tomorrow afternoon but I am not worried." Ducky explained.

"Thanks again." Jethro replied.

"It's no problem." Ducky assured.

"I will give Tony your report." Jethro replied.

"How is Anthony? He was out cold the entire time." Ducky commented.

"He is doing alright. Tali had her shots yesterday and she kept him up all night." Jethro explained.

"Well that explains it and again. I will check Jackson again in the morning." Ducky replied.

* * *

Tony woke up just in time for dinner. He didn't remember being this exhausted after Jack had his shots. Then it hit him. Ziva was still alive when Jack was this age and they had divided up the night. Last night he was totally on his own and he was totally lost as well.

"Glad you are awake. I thought you were going to sleep through the day." Jethro commented.

"I almost did." Tony yawned.

"Ducky minded Jack while we were out. He said that everything looks great and he should make a complete recovery." Jethro explained.

* * *

 **A/N: Things are finally turning around. New chapter will be up soon. Please review and thanks for reading.**


	31. Normalcy

A couple days later Tali was feeling better and Annalyse had a "donuts with dad" day at school. Tony and Jethro saw Jack off to school (he was not ready to return but the doctor had cleared him for a short visit during the quiet morning time.) and the drove to Annalyse's school. Jethro came to be a stand in dad for a child who did not have a father or whose father could not get off of work for the morning. Tony loved how much his former boss loved and respected children. Not just his own grandchildren but all children. Big Jack had said that Jethro had always had a soft spot for children. It killed Tony that he had lost his own child. It was never the same but Tony was glad that Jethro could call Jack his grandson, and Annalyse and Tali his granddaughters.

"I want chocolate!" Annalyse cried at the doughnut line.

"Alright, just be patient." Tony replied.

* * *

The DiNozzo's and Gibbs walked over to the closest available cafeteria table. Gibbs had been paired up with a boy named Charlie whose father had walked out the year before. He was in the same class as Annalyse but a year and a half older than most of his classmates. He had a learning disability between that and his dad leaving. They had opted to hold them back. Charlie was a sweet and gentle child. Who reminded Jethro of himself at that age.

"Charlie, Annalyse plays soccer and basketball. Do you play any sports?" Jethro asked.

"I used to play little league but mom says we can't afford it. She let Randy keep playing though and Ashley still gets to do a million activities." Charlie explained.

"Are Randy and Ashley your siblings?" Jethro asked.

"Yes Randy is ten and Ashley is sixteen." Charlie replied.

"What are they like?" Jethro asked.

"Ashley is gifted. Randy isn't as smart but he isn't retarded like me." Charlie explained.

"Who said you were retarded?" Jethro questioned.

"Nobody I just heard it on TV." Charlie lied.

* * *

Jack did really well at his trial at school. He was exhausted by the end and ended up falling asleep in the van on the way home, but he had made it. Tony was looking forward to the day Jack was well enough to return to school. He loved having his son around all day and being able to baby him but he needed Jack well. Tony spent most of the rest of the morning sitting by Jack's bed waiting for him to wake-up. He finally woke just after two in the afternoon.

"We home?" Jack asked.

"Yes you fell asleep in the car." Tony explained.

"Go back, school?" Jack asked.

"Not today, school is already over." Tony explained.

"When?" Jack asked.

"I don't know but we are seeing the doctor again next week and maybe he can tell us exactly when you will be ready." Tony explained.

"Miss school" Jack sighed.

"I know you do but you are doing better every day." Tony replied.

* * *

After his conversation with Jack, Tony went to the nursery to wake Tali from her nap. He changed his baby girl first and then offered her a bottle. She greedily gulped down the formula and immediately needed to be burped. Just Tony's luck, he had forgotten the rag. Tali burped and promptly got sick all over Tony's back. He placed his daughter back in her crib and then returned to his room. He changed into a fresh shirt and then picked Tali back up. Tali was already screaming and reaching for her bottle which sat on the shelf beside her.

"Tali girl, you have to slow down." Tony laughed.

"Nahh" Tali replied.

"You are exactly your mother." Tony replied, wiping away a tear.

* * *

Once both kids were awake. Tony loaded them into the double stroller and opted to walk them to the library for afternoon story time. This would be the first time attending since Ziva's death. It was one of those things that was too hard for Tony to handle. He didn't know why it was so hard on him. It was just one of those things that hit him a little harder than others. He dropped Jack off at the story area and carried Tali to the bathroom to be changed.

"I was so sorry to hear about your wife." The librarian informed Tony as he passed the desk.

"It's been rough." Tony admitted.

"I am glad this little lady made it out OK." The librarian replied.

"Me too and her brother was in the car as well." Tony replied.

"Is that why he is so pale and weak? Was he injured?" The librarian questioned.

"No he just had surgery two weeks ago. Today is our first time really going out." Tony explained.

"Oh well I wish him well." The librarian replied.

* * *

Tony was gone with Jack and Tali, when Jethro got the call. Annalyse had missed her bus. Not wanting to ruin Tony's time. He opted to head to the school to pick the girl up. School had been out for half an hour by the time he finally arrived. There were two other kids waiting when Jethro entered the office. One he recognized as the daughter of one of the teachers and the other was Charlie. He looked upset but not overly disappointed. When he saw that it was not his own mother arriving.

"Where's your mom?" Jethro asked, Charlie.

"She's not coming." Charlie replied.

"What do you mean?" Jethro asked.

"I got bad grades. So I have to wait while she takes Ashley and Randy for ice-cream. They got good grades." Charlie explained.

"Why didn't she just leave you with a sitter?" Jethro asked.

"She says I am not worth it." Charlie sighed.

"Grandpa Gibbs! I wanna go!" Annalyse cried.

"Just a second, Annalyse." Jethro replied.

"Charles Alexander Hill! What on Earth are you doing?! I said sit here and wait God Dammit!" A heavy set blonde woman spat.

"I was just talking." Charlie replied.

"You are wasting that poor man's time! I hope you are happy! Because of your bad behavior! We were late and Randy missed the gluten free ice-cream! He is crying! You should be crying!" The woman spat.

"I am sorry" Charlie sniffed.

"You better be!" The woman hissed.

"How about you lay off of him. He's just a kid." Jethro suggested.

"He's nothing but a disappointment. Only reason he's hear is because the damn condom broke. didn't believe in abortion until I met him. Now I wish I could just abort him right here." Charlie's mom explained.

"Excuse me?" Jethro asked.

"I said I wanted to abort him!" Charlie's mom snapped.

!"Fucking bitch!" Jethro spat, punching her hard in the face.

* * *

 **A/N: What will happen with Jethro and Charlie now? New chapter will be up soon. Please review and thanks for reading.**


	32. A Bumpy Road

The police were called and Jethro was taken to a local holding cell. Charlie's mom was also brought to the station for questioning, and Charlie and his siblings were seized by Child Protective Services. Charlie was the only one who Stephanie abused but she would be losing all three. Tony had sent Carla to the prison to represent Jethro and warned him not to speak until she arrived. Stephanie was wanting to press charges but she likely wouldn't get her way.

* * *

The holding cell was a small dank room. Benches lined the three walls of the cell and Jethro sat on the bench against the back wall. A drunk college kid was passed out on the bench kitty corner to Jethro's and a gruff looking man sat on the other. Jethro felt extremely out of place and was furious he was even in prison. He appreciated a woman's right to choose but to say you would abort your child. Because he was not the child you wanted. That was purely sick.

"Jethro come on" The warden called.

"My bail been posted?" Jethro asked.

"Yes it has. You are to appear in court tomorrow morning at nine." The warden announced.

"OK" Jethro replied.

* * *

The trial went surprisingly well. Though Jethro would have consequences for his actions. He had gotten off easily. He had ninety hours of community service and could not go within fifty feet of school grounds until the service had been completed. Jethro had gotten extremely lucky over all but was still pissed he was facing consequences for his actions. He had done nothing wrong. He was merely defending an abused child. Now that his trial was over. He only had the children on his mind. He called his friends at CPS in hopes of getting an update on the children. It took four days but Jethro returned from Community Service to his long awaited update.

" _Jethro it's Dan from CPS. Look if anyone asks NCIS is a part of this investigation and that's why I can leak this. Anyway I have an update on the children you called about. All three children were from different fathers. The daughter is in care of an Aunt down in Birmingham and the older son is living with is father in Detroit and Charlie is currently in foster care. The older two children showed no signs of abuse but Charlie is a definite victim. He says he has never been physically abused but teachers reported several mysterious bruises. Stephanie is diagnosed as bipolar and has submitted to counseling. If she complies she may be able to regain custody of the older two children but she has terminated her parental rights to Charlie. He has no family to speak of and has already been placed with two different foster families."_

* * *

Dan's voicemail left Jethro heartbroken. He was glad Stephanie had agreed to counseling but hurt knowing she had given up on Charlie. He hurt even more knowing that the child had already been removed from two foster homes. Charlie was such a sweet and funny child. He deserved to have a family. In that moment Jethro knew exactly what he had to do. He had managed to get away with only misdemeanor charges and that meant that once his probation was up. He apply to be a foster parent. He could, he would save Charlie. He knew this incident may screw him over when it came to fostering but he wanted only to help the little boy. All children deserved a chance at happiness and he would not mind being a father again. If this worked out, how he was hoping. Charlie and Jethro could save each other. He would make the call the day this ordeal was over.

* * *

Jethro wrapped his community service in two weeks and shortly there after he was cleared from his probation. He got in contact with Child Protective Services and learned that Charlie was presently residing in group home in Baltimore. Jethro applied to be a foster parent and with the help of the FBI, NCIS, and his buddies at CPS. He was soon approved in spite of his recent misdemeanor charge. He applied to foster Charlie and again strings were pulled. The child was due to arrive at O' Nine hundred the following morning and Jethro could not be happier.

* * *

Jethro hated to give the DiNozzo's the boot but he had to make room for Charlie in his home. Tony had managed to find a small rental property until he could figure something else out. Meanwhile Jethro had converted Kelly's room into a boy room for Charlie. He had painted the Barbie pink walls a gentle blue. He replaced the dolls with trucks and balls. Though he did purchase a baby doll in case Charlie was a boy who liked to play with dolls. If he didn't want it. Jethro could always give it to Annalyse. He had selected blue and white chevron sheets and curtains with the same pattern. He had bought varying clothes in Charlie's size and then for the next two sizes. Everything from t-shirts to button downs, from jeans to nice slacks. He bought three pairs of shoes one for playing, one for school, and one for nice occasions. Charlie's room was approved by Tony his eternal child. Before he knew it the social worker had called and Charlie was due to arrive at any moment. Jethro was so excited he stood out on the front porch and waited. Soon a blue car turned into the drive. A tall woman exited the car and walked around to the other side. She opened the rear passenger door and Charlie slowly stepped out. The boy had aged at least one year in the three weeks since Jethro had last seen him. Charlie retrieved a small duffle bag from the back seat and headed towards the porch.

"Hello Charlie and welcome to the family." Jethro greeted.

"I won't last here." Charlie whispered.

"Yes you will. I am in this for the long haul." Jethro vowed.

"You say that now." Charlie scoffed.

* * *

 **A/N: Tony and the kids return in the next chapter but I wanted to focus on Jethro this time. New chapter will be up soon. Please review and thanks for reading.**


	33. Starting To Live Again

Tony was a little put off by how quickly he had to get out of Gibbs' house. He knew that he had to move out eventually and that Gibbs need to make room for Charlie. Still moving on was hard for him. At least in the emotional sense. He had found a two bedroom rental property, pretty quickly. He was sleeping on the couch, Jack and Tali shared the big bedroom, and Annalyse had the small bedroom. He was looking at a few long term houses. He wanted to buy but his finances had taken a serious hit between Ziva's final expenses, the hospital bills for Tali and Jack, and the fact he had not been able to work for three months. Gibbs had offered to help Tony out since he had given him the boot so rapidly. Tony knew he would make money off of the old house but he just could not part with it. He could not even step foot inside but he could not get rid of it either. It was like a trap, wrapped up in a curse. Today Tony would be taking a tour of what would be his ideal home. It was within budget, close to the kid's schools, and would hold all three children comfortably. The house was split level and had two bedrooms on the bottom half and two on the top. Tony and Tali would have the bottom floor and Annalyse and Jack would share the second level. Unfortunately for Tony it just seemed to good to be true. Lately for him that was a death sentence. One time literally. He was sure the house would have a higher bidder or that the family would just be moved in when a rare mold was discovered. He was on the verge of calling and canceling. They could make do with the apartment for a few more years. At least that's what he kept telling himself.

* * *

Tony ended up going to the open house. Largely because Gibbs had made him go. The older man had even sent Jimmy to make sure Tony went. He had briefly toyed with the idea of telling Jimmy he got sick but knew that Jimmy would just worry. Eventually Breena was minding Jack and waiting for Annalyse, and Jimmy, Tali, and Tony were all on the way to the open house. Tali was in a moody stage and it was just easier for Tony to keep her with him. Soon enough Tony and Jimmy pulled into the driveway of the house. It was even more lovely than Tony could have ever imagined. The yard was huge and already had a play structure in the backyard. The house was not too good to be true. That meant that Tony was bound to get screwed on bidding.

"Hello! You must be Tony, I am Karen." Karen introduced.

"I am Tony, this is my friend Jimmy, and this is my daughter Tali." Tony replied.

"Are you still interested in touring the property?" Karen asked.

"Is their a higher bidder?" Tony asked.

"No a man called and offered to double the bid you put in." Karen explained.

"So I lost the house?" Tony asked, dejectedly.

"No the man is helping you. He has made a generous down payment and cut your mortgage nearly in half." Karen explained.

"So I own this?" Tony gasped.

"Congratulations" Karen replied.

* * *

Tony was in shock. He knew that Gibbs had offered to help him out but he never imagined anything like this. This was just too generous. Especially since Gibbs was already caring for Charlie and had helped Tony out so much. He wondered where Jethro had gotten all this money from. Filled with curiosity Tony drove over to the home of his boss.

"Do you like it?" Gibbs asked.

"I love it but you didn't have to..." Tony started.

"I have to." Gibbs insisted.

"But where did you get the money?" Tony asked.

"Ziver" Gibbs replied.

"What do you mean?" Tony questioned.

"Ziver's family was pretty wealthy and along with the funds for the children. She left money to take care of you should something happen to her. Now this just about cleared her out. So you are going to have to start living again." Gibbs explained.

"I can't. I will cancel the house. I can't live again." Tony replied.

"You can live again. You know why?" Gibbs asked.

"Why?" Tony questioned.

"Because it's what Ziva would have wanted. She would want you to live. You have to start living. It will not be easy but nothing worth doing is." Gibbs explained.

"How the hell do I live?" Tony asked.

"Same as before. Do what makes you happy but know that you have a family to care for. Be a good person and know you are never alone." Gibbs explained.

"I can't return to NCIS." Tony admitted.

"A buddy of mine from the Marine's owns a grocery store. They are hiring for an assistant manager. I know you worked as a cashier in college. It won't be easy or glamorous but it will keep you afloat until you figure things out." Gibbs explained.

"What store? I will get an application on the way home." Tony asked.

"Don't need that. Buddy owes me a favor. You have an interview at three tomorrow afternoon. Be on time and be your best." Gibbs explained.

* * *

Just like that Tony was starting to live again. He was a home owner, he had a job, and he felt alive. He had gone through the past few months feeling like a zombie. He was bound to collapse again soon and that scared him more than anything. Gibbs had told Tony's new boss about the circumstances and he was understanding. Still Tony was worrying. He worried that this collapse would ruin everything he had built and he would be back at square one. Except this time he would cost three children their home and their childhood. For the sake of the children he put on a brave face and talked about how great the new home would be.

"Can I really paint my room any color?" Annalyse asked.

"Nothing too outrageous but pretty much." Tony replied.

"Is it true a tiger lives out back?" Jack asked.

"It's a bench painted like a tiger." Tony laughed.

"Or it's a real tiger who's just really good at sleeping." Jack insisted.

"Or a real tiger who is good at sleeping." Tony laughed.

* * *

 **A/N: Tony is finally living again. New chapter will be up soon. Please review and thanks for reading.**


	34. Moving On

So far Tony was doing pretty well in his new life. He was doing well at his new job though in his opinion it was pretty under stimulating. He really did miss the action of NCIS but he just couldn't take that chance. Instead he stuck with his cashiering job and thought about what he wanted. He did still have his teaching certificate and he kept it up to date. Taking night courses when he could and eventually online. Along with his day job he was taking a night course on coaching children with special needs. He knew several of the students at Annalyse's school had special needs. Half of those children were main-streamed and attended all classes with their peers. The other half were in the two special education classes and only attended certain classes with their peers. Annalyse had a boy in her gym class with down syndrome and a girl in her music class with Spina Bifida. To Tony the class was informative and even if he did not have any special needs students. He still wanted to go above and beyond for any and all students. He had just completed the course. It was crash course, every other week night for three weeks. Even without the certificate of completion, Tony already had several interviews lined up. One at Annalyse's school. He loved the idea of teaching at his daughter's school. Especially since Jack would be there in two years and Tali would be there in five. Though he would have to take his planning period during the hours his children had gym class.

"Mr. Davis?" Tony called knocking on the office door.

"Tony you are forty-five years old. You can call me Patrick." Patrick replied."Right, anyway I have a follow up interview with my daughter's school. It is tomorrow at three. I know I am scheduled to work one to close but I really need to do this. I only just got the call or I would have said something sooner." Tony explained.

"If you can come in at eight I can switch you with Brenda." Patrick replied.

"What time am I off?" Tony asked.

"Well as long as Alan gets his ass in here on time and doesn't have another parking lot fight with his girlfriend over Deadpool. I can send you home at two." Patrick explained.

"Sounds good" Tony replied.

"I will miss having you on my team but I am glad you are starting to move on. Jethro told me about Ziva. I am sorry." Patrick apologized.

"Thank you" Tony replied.

"So when will you be leaving. Assuming you get the job?" Patrick asked.

"September" Tony replied.

* * *

Tony got through the morning OK. He even kept his cool, when a woman came through his line wearing the perfume that Ziva always wore. He clocked out just after two fifteen, rushed home to change into a suit and then rushed to the school. He arrived at three o'five and was sure that he had blown it. Until the principal rushed in a three thirty.

"I am sorry for the mix-up. I was sure I told my secretary to tell you three thirty but the note I wrote said three thirty. I was going to meet you at three but I had to deal with an issue. Anyway tell me about yourself and not the adjectives crap. Why would you be a good gym coach? Will you be able to handle five classes of thirty children?" Principal Peters' asked.

"The truth is my mom died when I was eight and my father never cared. I wasn't exactly the smartest kid you met but I was athletic. So much so that my coaches all saw potential in me. They were always nice to me and major inspirations. For that reason my major was physical education. I kept that major. Even after I was involved in a fire and realized I wanted to be a police officer. I did coach a few classes when I was looking for work." Tony explained.

"OK but what made you want to be a coach now?" Peters asked.

"I loved my career as a cop, eventually being promoted to detective, and then accepting a position as a federal agent. I still love that job but my wife died a few months back. I am now a single father to three children. All under ten. I cannot put my life on the line like that. With my daughter going to school here. I would love to have this job. Though I know that I would not be able to coach Annalyse, Jack, or Tali." Tony explained.

"Could you handle large groups of children?" Peters asked.

"I can handle killers and drug addicts. I think I can handle thirty first graders." Tony laughed.

"You will have to pass a drug test and background check but I like you and Annalyse adores you. It is looking good." Peters replied.

* * *

Three days later, Tony had his drug test and everything came out negative. Soon after he got the results of his background check and everything came out great. He would be starting on the first day of school. Replacing Coach Simon. Who would be retiring after forty years in the field. Simon was pretty well liked and Tony knew he had big shoes to fill. Fear was growing in his body. He worried it would be like when Gibbs retired. He was relieved to not have to start until September. Though maybe that was worse. He wasn't exactly keen on stressing all summer. At least his children would keep him distracted. Annalyse was heading towards seven, Jack was doing great in recovery, and Tali was growing every day. Tony just wished she would slow down a bit. He swore that he had seen her try to pull herself up and she had been trying to talk since the day she was born.

"Are you going to be my coach?" Annalyse asked, as they walked one day.

"I can't coach you but I will work at the school." Tony replied.

"Will Jackie go to my school next year?" Annalyse asked.

"No but he will go the next year." Tony replied.

"I will be in third grade then. We get to play on the big playground and we get to pick up our own lunch. No more cafeteria ladies serving us. Oh and little Tali will be walking by then. She can walk Jackie and me to the bus stop." Annalyse explained.

"Don't go rushing life like that." Tony begged.

"Why not?" Annalyse asked.

"I like now. I don't like that Ziva is gone but I like now. Having you still on the little playground, getting served lunch, Jack being in pre-school, and Tali being a baby. It's going too fast as it is. No need to rush ahead." Tony explained.

* * *

 **A/N: Tony is finally moving on. As hard as it may be. New chapter will be up soon. Please review and thanks for reading.**


	35. Surreal

Tony was looking forward to starting his new career as a psychical education coach. Handing in his final resignation letter to NCIS, was still a surreal feeling. Vance had given a look of concern when Tony told him what it was. Until he read why Tony was leaving. The feeling got more strange when he was escorted out by agents. Holding the last few items in his hands. His desk already occupied by another agent. McGee now occupied Gibbs' desk and the identical cousin of Ned Dornegent sat where McGee had once sat. Ziva's desk was empty the way Kate's was and a bitter looking Asian woman was shoved into the side desk. Tony noticed the way Ted was looking at the woman and it made him sick to his stomach. McGee noticed and quietly ordered his team to the gym.

"You give the letter?" McGee asked.

"Yeah" Tony replied.

"Oh" McGee whispered.

"How you liking being team lead?" Tony asked.

"It is not easy." McGee admitted.

"Tell me about it." Tony laughed.

"So Ted and the Probie." Tony commented.

"Francine, they are like the new you and Ziva." Tony replied.

"Gee thanks Probie" Tony scoffed.

"No Tony I didn't mean..." McGee started.

"They are replacing me and my dead wife." Tony spat, before turning and exiting the office.

* * *

Deep down Tony knew that McGee did not mean any ill intent. Truth be told he was thinking the exact same thing. Those kids were the new Tony and Ziva. They would one day have a family and hopefully have a happier ending than Tony and Ziva had. Still hearing the words aloud had left a definite sting in Tony's heart. It took all he had to make the drive back home. He remembered walking through the door and collapsing hard onto the couch. He sobbed heavily and hard. He had been doing so well but something about knowing there were other Tony's and Ziva's out there. Knowing that they could be replaced. Just as easily as he had gone back to just being a sad man on his own. Sure he had the kids but he wanted Ziva. He cried and cried as he lay alone on the couch. It wasn't the one she had bought. He had hated that one and still it was hard to leave it when he moved. He didn't know why he put it on that sale site and let a stranger haul it away. He didn't know why he bought that greenish colored couch that Ziva had called ugly. He had insisted that it was ideal. Jack was a baby at the time and it was the same color as just about anything that came out of the kid. She had scoffed and picked out the Chardonnay one that reminded Tony of the sitting room couches of his youth. His ass hurt pretty bad recalling the times he snuck into the sitting rooms to play. The friend's mom, or relative of his would beat his ass and then Senior would beat the shit out of him. He tried to explain it to Ziva but she just laughed and assured him she would not spank him. Unless of course he wanted her to. He remembered how red his face had turned, right in the middle of the furniture store. His mind switched to Jack unleashing everything on the new whine colored couch. The stain was the exact color of the couch had tried to buy. Exactly the reason Tony wanted the ugly couch. Now he did not know why he bought that damn thing. He just wanted the days and time with Ziva back.

* * *

The sound of heavy rain pulled Tony from his dream. It was late at night now, well later in the evening. He could hear the children playing in the next room. He heard dinner cooking in the kitchen. He pulled himself up and walked to the next room. Gibbs was standing at the stove cooking dinner, Charlie and Annalyse sat at the table timing each other on math problems.

"What are you doing here?" Tony asked.

"McGee called and said you were having a rough day." Gibbs explained.

"I handed in the letter and then saw the new Ziva and me." Tony explained.

"So I heard but Tony. There is now new you and Ziva. There is only you and Ziva. Maybe this new couple is similar to you guys but they are not you and Ziva." Gibbs explained.

"Then why does it feel that way?" Tony asked.

"I can't answer that." Gibbs replied.

* * *

Gibbs cooked for Tony and helped with Tali but then left him to be back on his own. It hurt but Tony knew why he was treating him this way. The simple fact was that Tony had to get used to functioning in his grief. He had to learn how to care for his kids on his own. Even when everything sucked. Because he was going to be alone from now on. He was a widower and he was going to have to get used to it. He was getting therapy but he was still aching. It wasn't even because McGee had mentioned the new Tony and Ziva. It wasn't because of his new career. He was just missing his family and his old life. He was dozing off again. When he heard a familiar song play. He saw Ziva's old music box sitting on the table. Annalyse danced into the room. She wore a leotard, pink tights, and a purple tutu. Her hair was pulled back into a tight pony tail and her widow's peak was prominent. She looked just like her mother.

"Abba? Are you OK?" Annalyse asked.

"You look just like her." Tony whispered.

"Ima?" Annalyse questioned.

"Yes" Tony replied, wiping away a single tear.

"I wish I could have met her. Really met her. Why did she give me up?" Annalyse asked.

"A bad thing happened to her that summer and she could not give you the love you deserved." Tony explained.

* * *

 **A/N: I know Gibbs seems harsh but he can't always be there. New chapter will be up soon. Please review and thanks for reading.**


	36. Summer

The DiNozzo family enjoyed a very nice summer in spite of the circumstances. Tony was going to therapy three times a week. One group session and two one on one sessions. He was learning to live without Ziva and without Gibbs. Gibbs had not died but he had cut Tony off. It was hard for the Marine but he knew that Tony had to start moving on with his life. The children were doing well and Tony was working hard to focus his attention on them. Soon he would start his new job and that would take a ton of focus away from his grief. While still allowing him plenty of time to focus on his three children.

* * *

June was a delightful month for Tony. Jack graduated from three year old pre-school to four year old pre-school. There was no real ceremony. That would not come until the leap from pre-school to kindergarten. However on the last day the students did dress up and cross the "bridge" go down two steps. To the four year old classroom. Tony wept even though most of the other parents were laughing. At the mass of sheriffs, cowboy's princesses, and one red head with tissues stuffed into his shirt who declared he was his sister Cathy. Tony guessed that boy would have some trouble when he got home. Jack had dressed as an NCIS Agent. Annalyse was only going from first to second grade but she had her own special day. She took home three awards from the school awards day. She won A&B honor roll, sportsmanship award, and the award for best personality. Tali hit six months old on the first and was doing great. She was only a few pounds and inches off from her peers and developmentally she was actually a little ahead. Her pediatrician was thrilled with her. He got a good laugh when she put her hand calmingly on Tony's arm, as she received her shots. Apparently the only thing he feared more than getting shots, was seeing somebody else receive one.

* * *

July was the hardest month for Tony. Seven months had gone by since Ziva had left him and he had to endure a week on his own. Annalyse and Charlie were off to summer camp from the ninth through the fourteenth, and Gibbs had gone to visit some friends down in Mexico. During that same week Jack went off to day camp. Of course he was only gone four hours a day but to the desperately lonely Tony. He may as well be two hours away for a week like his sister. Tali had been home but she was in a growth spurt and spent most of that week sleeping. Tony was glad that his daughter was actually sleeping after weeks of screaming but he hated that it happened on the week he was alone.

* * *

August was a wonderful month for the DiNozzo family. Tony was preparing to start his new job, the older DiNozzo children were ecstatic to return to school, and Tali was officially mobile. She had learned to crawl at exactly eight months old. The DiNozzo household was now baby friendly. There was a baby gate on the staircase, child proof locks on the medicine and chemical cabinets, and covers over every electrical outlet. August brought an even bigger celebration. The thirteenth was a doubly special day for the family. As it turned out Annalyse and Jack shared a birthday. Annalyse was turning seven and Jack was turning four. Tony had arranged a double birthday party at the park but each child had their own decorations and party favors. Tony had made a vanilla cake that was half strawberry and half chocolate frosting. Strawberry for Annalyse and chocolate for Jack. Each child would also get their own special activity with the family and one friend. Annalyse was going bowling with her friend Morgan and Jack was going to the Play-place with his friend Cody. Jack would be having his celebration the following Saturday morning and Annalyse's would be in the afternoon of the same day. Overall twenty children were in attendance. Ten for each child. The great thing about Annalyse being born in the summer. Was not having to invite the entire class to the celebration.

* * *

After the party the DiNozzo's were sitting around their backyard. They sat in a circle on the benches in the backyard. Annalyse cradled her new doll in her arms and Jack held his newest tiger, in his arms. Annalyse's doll had bright red hair and sparkling blue eyes. She donned a gray pantsuit and shiny black flats. Annalyse had given her the name Serenity in honor of her newest vocabulary word. Jack's new tiger had bright blue and black stripes and a red bandanna tied around his neck. The new tiger was named Dr. Pepper after Jack's new favorite drink.

"Did you guys have a good birthday?" Tony asked.

"It was the best!" Jack cried.

"It was super fun." Annalyse declared.

"Are you guys excited for next Saturday?" Tony asked.

"Yeah!" Jack cried.

"I really am." Annalyse replied.

* * *

Tony stood alone in front of Ziva's grave. Gibbs had taken Charlie somewhere and neither child had wanted to go. Tony could not exactly blame him for that one. He did not want to be their either but he wanted to be there for the birthday of their two eldest children. He laid down four roses on Ziva's grave. A pink one for Annalyse, a yellow one for Jack, a white one for sweet little Tali, and a red one for him.

"I start my new job in three weeks. I am nervous as hell but I am scared to death. God I wish you were still here." Tony explained.

* * *

Soon enough September rolled around and Tony was ready to begin his new career. School started in four days and the DiNozzo's were fully prepared. Tony had clothes all ready for his new career. He also had bought several photo frames and a brand new whistle. Annalyse had new clothes just about everything in purple or with smiling food and animals on them. Jack had bought all red and blue, his theme was tigers and trucks. Tali had a new wardrobe as well. Pink, blue, purple, yellow, and green, her favorite things were stars and bears.

* * *

 **A/N: Tony starts his new job in the next chapter. New chapter will be up soon. Please review and thanks for reading.**


	37. First Day

The first day of school arrived and it was a major day for all the DiNozzo's. Annalyse was starting second grade, Jack four year old pre-school, and Tali would be starting at daycare. Tony had technically started his job three days before. When he attended a faculty meeting and set up his first few weeks as coach. This would be his first official day as coach. This would be the day he first met his students and was called coach. He yearned for his new life. Knowing this was just the kick he needed to truly move on.

"You excited for your first day?" Gibbs asked.

"Extremely" Tony confirmed.

"I wish you luck." Gibbs replied.

"You OK with Tali doing daycare? I would ask you but this is the center that Jack attended and they are excellent." Tony explained.

"It is fine it will be nice to have the house to myself for a few hours." Gibbs explained.

"I bet" Tony laughed.

"That being said if the kids are ever sick or if it doesn't work out with daycare. Just let me know and I would be glad to step up." Gibbs explained.

"I thought you were pulling out." Tony commented.

"I am pulling back. I will still gladly be the children's grandpa and your dad. That being said I am not going to raise them, so you can wallow in self pity. It was hard for me to cut you off but Tony you had to start living." Gibbs explained.

"I did that OK?" Tony asked.

"You are doing great." Gibbs assured.

* * *

The elementary school gym was really a multi purpose room. There was orientation the first hour of the day and classes the second hour. After most occasion Tony and the other two coaches would be tasked with breaking down the chairs and moving them to storage. If the assembly had two parts gym would automatically be outside. If weather were bad a video on health or hygiene would be shown. Today however was only the first day and gym class would just be a brief explanation the course. What was expected, proper attire, safety, and rules. Tony only had about half an hour of talk and each class was forty-five minutes. He was planning on letting his students have free play in the final fifteen minutes. That should kill a little of their energy. Tony was lucky to live and teach in a district that had held recess but little kids needed any opportunity to let out energy.

"Daddy!" Annalyse cried.

"Hey baby girl. How you liking your first day so far?" Tony asked.

"It is great! My teacher is awesome and I already made four new friends!" Annalyse cried.

"I am so proud of you Annalyse." Tony replied.

"Thank you Tony! And I am super proud of you!" Annalyse cried.

* * *

Tony greatly enjoyed his first day of work and all the students seemed to like him. Same went for his fellow coaches and the rest of the faculty. Even still he was filled with anxiety when the principal wanted to meet with him at the end of the day. He had only had this job for one day. Surely he had not screwed up that badly already. He could not afford to lose his new career. He knew he could go back to the store but he wanted his career. He wanted his future.

"You wanted to see me Mr. Davis?" Tony asked.

"I did" Mr. Davis replied.

"Did I mess up? Am I fired?" Tony asked.

"Not even close. Tony you are doing amazing. I have heard only good things. I just wanted to hear how you felt your first day went." Mr. Davis explained.

"I think I did pretty good. I mean I just read a few rules and handed out appropriate length shorts. It really wasn't a big deal." Tony explained.

"I understand you let the students have free play? What was that about?" Mr. Davis asked.

"I just thought it was a good idea. Especially for the kindergartners. I won't let it happen again. I am sorry." Tony apologized.

"No. No I am impressed. That was really smart and the teachers all appreciated it." Mr. Davis replied.

"OK. Is there anything else?" Tony asked.

"I understand you are an Ohio State alumni." Mr. Davis commented.

"What does that have to do with anything?" Tony asked.

"Nothing just be warned Mrs. Hill is a devout Michigan alumni. We do allow staff to wear Jersey's on casual Friday but if there is one single fight you have to wear the opposing teams colors and singing the fight song over the loud speaker." Mr. Davis explained.

"Seriously?" Tony laughed.

"Anything to prevent fights." Mr. Davis replied.

* * *

Tony was walking on air. For the first time since Ziva died he had a real career and he was actually doing well. After school let out Annalyse went on and on about her first day. He had never heard another human being talk so much. He was so distracted the drive to Jack's school seemed to last only a matter of seconds.

"It was so great!" Annalyse cried.

"I know you told me and I am glad." Tony replied.

"Oh! How was your day?" Annalyse asked.

"It was the best and I will tell you all about it after we get Jack and meet Gibbs and Charlie." Tony explained.

* * *

Later on the older children were playing in Gibbs' backyard. While Tony sat on the step with baby Tali on his chest. Tony had told the children and Gibbs about his first day. The good parts anyway. Now that he was alone. He was expressing his true feelings.

"It was really good but it was also extremely hard." Tony explained.

"How so?" Gibbs asked.

"It is hard to live again. After everything I have been through. I want to live and I am trying but I miss the old days. I miss NCIS and I miss Ziva. God how I miss Ziva." Tony explained.

"But you did it and that is the best thing I have heard in a long time you are recovering. It is the longest process you can go through but you are working at it. That is all you can do in your situation. I wish I could just make it go away but if I could do that. I would have done it months ago." Gibbs explained.

* * *

 **A/N: I'd say Tony is settling in well. New chapter will be up soon. Please review and thanks for reading.**


	38. Halloween Disaster

So far Tony was adoring his new job. He loved everyone of his students and they all loved him. Both Jack and Annalyse were thriving in school and Tali was happy in her new daycare. Tony had been with his new job for just under two months now and the school was in full swing planning for there Fall Festival. It was really a Halloween party but Fall Festival conjured a friendlier image. Annalyse had decided that she would be going as a Marine and Jethro had been kind enough to lend her a few accessories and helped Tony sew a costume. Jack was going as his two biggest fears a zombie dentist. Apparently his friend Rodney's father was a shrink and had told Jack about immersion theory. Tony had found an old doctor's costume and Abby had provided the make-up. Tali was wearing the Pumpkin Costume Jack had worn his first Halloween. Jack had been quite large for a two month old and Tali was pretty small for nearly eleven months. Tony donned a giant pizza suit. It had started as a joke but when a few fifth graders chipped in and bought him the costume. He had no choice but to oblige.

"No see brains are bad for your teeth so I suck them out with the tube and blend them up." Jack explained.

"That's gross." Annalyse laughed.

"When I was a kid zombies didn't worry about such things. They just ate brains." Tony commented

"Well most do that but this zombie was a dentist before he got the virus." Jack explained.

"Do you think zombies remember from before they got infected?" Annalyse asked.

"Probably not but that is very creative Jack." Tony replied.

"Agghhhhhh!" Tali screamed waking from her slumber. She was not as fond of Jack's costume as her dad and sister.

"No Tali it's OK Jackie just has a silly costume." Annalyse assured.

"Agghhhh!" Tali screamed still scared.

"*cough* Here's Bunny *cough*" Tony said stifling a cough as he handed Tali her toy.

"Are you OK?" Annalyse asked.

"Fine" Tony replied.

"You have been coughing for weeks. shouldn't you be better. All of us are better." Annalyse observed.

"It just takes grown ups a little longer to get better." Tony explained.

* * *

The truth was that Tony was not OK. All three kids and him had gotten sick three weeks ago. Jack and Annalyse were better after a week and Tali took a week and a half to bounce back. Tony on the other hand just couldn't seem to shake the bug. He had managed to keep up with work but was calling Gibbs most nights to help with the children. Upon arriving at the school Annalyse and Jack hoped out of their booster seats and soon spotted Jethro who was dressed as a farmer and Charlie who wore a pirate costume. Tony had just unbuckled Tali from her seat when a massive coughing fit overtook his body. Farmer Jethro rushed over and scooped Tali out of his arms. Tony leaned hard against the car and struggled to maintain. He ended up sliding down the door of the van and sitting on the cool concrete.

"Abba!" Jack screamed.

"Tony? Can you hear me?! TONY!" Jethro cried.

"Fine just fine." Tony lied finally regaining composure.

"You are burning up. I am going to take you home." Jethro replied.

"What about the kids?" Tony asked.

"The Palmer's are in there. They can keep an eye on Jack and Annalyse." Jethro explained.

* * *

Tony had no memory of the drive home. The next thing he knew he was sitting up in his bed the house was pitch black. He discovered a hand drawn get well card sitting on his bedside and a half drunk glass of water. He sat up and greedily gulped down the water. Midway through he started to cough again and most of the water sputtered out of his mouth and all over his bed. The rest went down his throat and into his already irritated lungs.

"Help!" Tony managed to choke out.

* * *

Annalyse was the only DiNozzo child home and she had a very important task. She was supposed to keep an eye on Tony while Jethro, Jack, and Tali made an emergency diaper run. Jethro had told her to stay upstairs and check on Tony every few minutes. She had just gotten back from throwing away her dinner plate. When she heard another violent coughing fit come from Tony's room. This time it sounded really scary and she swore she heard the word help. She burst through the door and found Tony sprawled out on the floor, his face was blue and he was hot to the touch. She remembered the talk about health at summer camp. She remembered that she was supposed to make sure the sick or injured person was breathing and then call 911. Tony was breathing but he was really hot and that was one of the things that was a real emergency. She found Tony's cellphone on the table and grabbed it. She dialed 911 and waited.

"911, what's your emergency?"

"My dad is really hot and not breathing right. He's been coughing a lot too."

"Does your daddy have any problems with his lungs?"

"Asthma"

"What does he look like?"

"Blue and pale"

"Are you alone with daddy?"

"Yes grandpa Gibbs is out buying diapers for my sister."

"Where's your mommy?"

"She died"

"I am sorry to hear that."

"What am I supposed to do?"

"What is your address? 1398 Davis Drive."

"An ambulance is on the way. All you have to do is stay with your daddy and make sure that he keeps breathing. Do you know how to do CPR?"

"You push the chest and breathe into the mouth."

"That is very good. Where did you learn CPR?"

"I saw it on TV."

"You sound very smart. How old are you?"

"I just turned seven."

"Well you are very brave and the ambulance is coming but I can stay on the phone if you need a friend to talk to."

"I am OK and I can call back if I need help."

* * *

The gut feeling hit Jethro hard when the ambulance sped past him. He prayed that it was not what he thought but the feeling grew as the ambulance headed towards Tony's house. The lights were flashing and Jethro prayed it was a coincidence or kids playing a game. Except he knew it wasn't and sure enough the ambulance was parked outside of Tony's house. He pulled up on the sidewalk, and rushed toward Tony's lawn.

"What happened?" Jethro cried.

"Mr. DiNozzo is in serious respiratory distress. Thank God his daughter was smart enough to call for 911." The medic explained.'

"We just went for diapers. I thought it would be OK. We were only gone a few minutes." Jethro gasped.

* * *

 **A/N: Will Tony be OK? New chapter will be up soon. Please review and thanks for reading.**


	39. Worry

Jethro sent the DiNozzo children to the home of Tony's across the street neighbor. She had a five children and the youngest three were exactly the ages of Annalyse, Jack, and Tali. She said that she would be praying for Tony and Jethro greatly accepted it. The DiNozzo children were squared away and Charlie was spending the night with a friend. Jethro jumped into the back of the ambulance with Tony, just as the doors were slammed shut. The ambulance drove at break neck speeds to the hospital. Where Tony was immediately rushed back for tests. Jethro paced around the floor of the waiting room filled with dread over Tony's recent condition. He was wracked with guilt for the time he had left Tony. It was nothing short of a miracle that Annalyse had so easily agreed to stay back with him and had known to check when she did. That she had known what to do was purely amazing. The paramedics declared that Annalyse had likely saved her father's life. Jethro wanted to reward her somehow but was hoping Tony could be involved. He prayed that his son would survive this and come back as strong as ever. Those children needed their father alive and just as much they needed him to be able to chase them around and cheer them on at recitals and games. Lucky for them Tony was strong and one hell of a fighter.

* * *

Holly Vasquez laid awake with worry. She worried for her neighbor. Tony and her were not exactly best friends but they were close. Their children were close in age and they were both single parents. Tony had lost his wife to a car accident nearly one year ago. While Holly lost her husband almost exactly two years ago to a cocktail "waitress" by the name of Cinnamon Swirl. She knew that her loss was in no way the same to Tony's but Lester may as well be dead. He never rarely saw his children anymore and had actually begged to lose custody. That left Holly with the same fears that Tony faced. What would happen if something happened with her. She had faced that fear when she narrowly avoided death or great harm in a horrific car crash just after her baby was born. A kid speeding the wrong way down the road and into a ditch. She had a nasty case of whiplash but nothing life threatening. A fact she took great relief in, when she was lying in her hospital bed and saw that the exact car had gravely injured another young mother. Holly's heart broke knowing Tony would be facing the same fears. She prayed that he would have the same luck she did and that he would come back just as strong as ever.

* * *

Tony had been placed in a room in the Intensive Care Unit. The preliminary diagnosis was bilateral pneumonia but Dr. Pitt was still en route to give Tony a look over himself. Funny thing was Tony was supposed to see the doctor first thing in the morning. Jethro had called Brad after Tony's coughing episode but because he regained himself and his fever was still in the low grade range. Jethro was kicking himself for not taking the illness more seriously. He knew how quickly Tony tended to go down hill. He should have agreed to meet with Brad that night. It wouldn't have taken much. The doctor was very protective of Tony. It was really Jethro who had insisted that things could wait. Now his son was fighting for his life and he could not shake the feeling it was his fault.

"It's not your fault. Tony's x-rays show pneumonia and he told both of us he had this cough for quite some time. We all know how his lungs are and how quickly things can turn. You should have agreed to meet with me, and Tony certainly should have come to me sooner. It is all of our faults but the blame game will do no good. Right now Tony needs to fight and we need to fight for Tony. I have my best men on this case but you need to give your support. He needs you as much as he does me." Dr. Pitt explained.

"He was along with Annalyse. What if she had come in too late and found him dead?" Jethro asked

"She didn't and right now she needs you to stop worrying and fight for her father." Dr. Pitt insisted.

"That bad huh?" Jethro asked.

"The on call pulmonologist did not seem very optimistic but she does not know Tony." Dr. Pitt explained.

"What are the odds?" Jethro asked.

"Fifty-Fifty" Dr. Pitt replied.

* * *

Fifty-Fifty was not enough for Jethro. He would only accept a one hundred percent chance that Tony would survive. He refused to accept even a chance that his son would die. Too many lives would shatter if Tony left now. His was one but that was also the least important. The most important were the lives of Tony's beloved children. Sweet Annalyse who had only just joined the family after being bounced around and rejected too many times for a small child. Gentle Jack who adored his Abba and would be forever lost without his hero. Innocent Tali who was not even a year old and needed to not only remember but also know her Abba. These children needed their father far more than Jethro needed his son, and right now Jethro desperately needed his son.

"I am sorry Jethro but visiting hours are just about over. Wrap it up, you can be back with your boy tomorrow." Dr. Pitt called.

"Well Tony that is my cue to go. I am so sorry about today. I will see you tomorrow. As for tonight I need you to fight. You have to fight. I need you and more importantly your babies need you." Jethro explained kissing Tony on the cheek and offering him a gentle hug.

"He will fight for all of you. He loves all of us and he never just gives up." Dr. Pitt assured.

"You will not die. Got that you? You will not die." Jethro insisted.

* * *

 **A/N: Will Tony follow Jethro's orders? New chapter will be up soon. Please review and thanks for reading.**


	40. The Brink

The next couple days were long, disappointing, and disheartening. Tony's condition remained the same and Dr. Pitt seemed to have less answers by the minute. By day three all he could say was they were doing what they could, but it was up to Tony. They had tried twice to drain the fluid from his lungs but each time they had little success. Tony was completely dependent on the ventilator and his brain function was not where it should be. Jethro spent every possible moment with his boy. Leaving only for quick meals and to allow others to offer visits. He gave daily updates to the Palmer's who had taken in the DiNozzo children when it was clear Tony would be in the hospital for a while. The McGee's had offered to take them in but their apartment was too small to accommodate three children. They had however been able to keep Charlie for Jethro. Marley wanted to see her dad but children under sixteen were not permitted into the ICU and Jethro would really rather her not to see Tony in his condition. Mercifully Jack and Tali were too young to understand just how sick Tony really was. One frightened child was bad enough.

* * *

Jethro was barely able to finish his lunch. The only reason he completed the meal was because he had not eaten anything since Tony was admitted. He had always hated seeing his son sick but this time was ten times worse. This time was even worse than when Tony had the plague and faced a grim future. Because this time Tony had children waiting for him. Children who would be orphaned if Tony were to succumb to his illness. Jethro knew the children would be well cared for should anything happen to Tony. The McGee's, Palmer's, and himself had separately agreed to raise the three DiNozzo's should anything happen to Tony. That would provide shelter and love but nothing would repair the grief of being orphaned so young. In the same way that raising Charlie and maybe Tony's children would provide a distraction and reason to carry on, but would not heal the pain of losing another child. Still feeling sick from his forced meal, Jethro returned to Tony's bedside. Where he was greeted by Tony's team of doctors completing their afternoon evaluation.

"How is he?" Jethro asked.

"Still waiting on the results of the latest X-Ray but so far his condition is deteriorating rapidly. If he does not improve within the next twenty-four hours we will not be able to help him." Dr. Pitt explained grimly.

* * *

The results of Tony's X-Rays were not good at all. The size of the pneumonia had doubled in size since the previous X-Rays and both lungs were swelling with fluid. They had chosen to dry and drain the fluid again but warned of the great risk. Jethro had agreed wanting to do anything possible to save the life of his son.

"We were able to drain most of the fluid but as we were withdrawing the needle. Tony's heart stopped. We revived him quickly but we have placed a crash cart in his room just in case." Dr. Pitt explained.

"Why is he getting worse? shouldn't he be getting better?" Jethro asked.

"He should be but he isn't. I don't know why he isn't getting better. He got treatment right away and we have done everything right. Sometimes medicine just fails." Dr. Pitt explained.

"Isn't there anything else you can do? Isn't there some miracle treatment?" Jethro asked.

"I am reaching out to doctors around the world but so far I have come up short. I am not the most religious person on the planet, never have been but if you are a praying man." Dr. Pitt explained.

"I've been praying for two days and nothing has worked. If there is a God he does not care about me, Tony, or his children." Jethro explained.

* * *

The discussion about prayer led Jethro to the hospital chapel. Where he stood shooting angry glares at the cross. It infuriated him that the so called God had failed him so many times in his life. The first being when he was a small boy praying for his mother to get better. Then again years later when LJ Moore left. He had begged God to bring his namesake back into his life. He had years later but it was still years too late. He had fervently prayed that Shannon and Kelly would be safe and he had prayed to save each failed marriage. He had prayed for Ziva to survive her injuries. God had failed him more times than he had helped him. He had always doubted but standing in that chapel with a possibly dying son and the image of three children facing being left orphans. Well now he was on the brink of giving up and becoming an atheist.

"What did I do?! What made you hate me so much?! Why do you never answer my prayers! Why do you let children get sick and die?! Why do you take young mothers?! Why do you take a mother and then allow the father to become gravely ill?! Aren't you supposed to care?! I get hating me! I killed dozens and I know at least some were innocent! I am sorry! But why do you hurt Tony's children?! They are good kids! They do not deserve to be orphaned! Well you don't hear me or if you do you do not care! Well screw you!" Jethro snapped.

* * *

Dr. Brad Pitt was on the verge of giving up. He had exhausted every option and Tony continued to deteriorate through the afternoon. They had told Jethro that if a miracle did not happen Tony would be gone by the next morning. At Jethro's request he had begun the process of transferring Tony to end of life care. That's when the email came in, it was from a former classmate of his from medical school. The friend was chief pulmonologist at UCLA Hospital.

" _Brad,_

 _I apologize for the late_ _reply but I have not had a free moment._ _In regards to the patient of yours suffering from pneumonia and severely scared lungs. My team is currently working on a clinical trial to treat scarred lungs._ _Mr. DiNozzo would be a perfect candidate. Contact me when he stabilizes enough to transfer and I will send a helicopter to bring him to my facility."_

 _Dr. James P. Garner."_

" _James,_

 _Believe me I understand. Honestly the delay is the best thing that could have happened. You see I was just about to inform you that Tony remained critical and was to be removed from life support tomorrow afternoon. Well just as I was typing my nurse Emma burst into my office with the most wonderful update. Tony has stabilized. He remains too critical for travel but if he continues on this trend. He could be en-route by tomorrow evening._

 _Thanks again, Dr. Bradly K. Pitt._

* * *

 **A/N: As always Tony goes to the brink before finally bouncing back. New chapter will be ups soon. Thanks for reading and please review.**


	41. Hope

Two other adults were allowed to escort Tony to the trial in California. Naturally it was Jethro and Jimmy. Jethro would be staying with Tony and offering moral support. While Jimmy would stay at a nearby hotel and translate the medical jargon for Jethro. Jethro would be riding in the helicopter with Tony and Jimmy would be flying out. The hospital was comping Jimmy's basic bills just a simple hotel room and a coach flight but it was still a major load off of the young doctors mind. If all went according to plan it would be a two week long cycle. Then Tony would return to his normal life and document his health. Another two weeks and he would return to California for a week. If all went well in just over a month. Tony's lungs would be healed or at the very least improved. A years long struggle would at last be over. If Tony's body would just respond properly.

* * *

Tony had been placed in a drug induced coma and would not wake up until the second week of the trial. He had already vastly improved but the scaring was worse. This trial could not have come around at a better time. Without the trial Tony would be facing an uncertain future. Hope for total freedom was bleak. With the trial there was a seventy percent chance that he would live a normal life or at the very least maintain his present quality of life.

"Helio just touched down." Jimmy announced.

"I guess we are going soon. When you flying out?" Jethro replied.

"Tomorrow morning. Earliest I could get." Jimmy replied.

"Tony's just going to get settled in tonight. So don't feel too bad about it." Jethro explained.

"Give me a report when you land and then tonight." Jimmy instructed.

"Of course" Jethro promised.

* * *

The flight to California was a surreal experience for Jethro. Seeing his son strapped to a gurney in the center of a helicopter. The blades whirred above and the sky was far too beautiful for Jethro's mood. Tony's prognosis was mixed. If this trial worked than it would be great, but if it failed. If it failed there was no real hope. Jethro had been positive in the hospital and in Jimmy's presence. Now that he was on the helicopter. and it was real. Well now Jethro could not be as positive as he would like. His mind just kept going to what it would be like if the trial failed. If Tony's lungs did not recover and his quality of life did not improve.

"Just let this damned trial work. Just let my boy make a full recovery. For me and his babies. I apologize for all I said. Smite me if you must but do not punish Tony." Jethro pleaded.

* * *

Deep down Jimmy was actually relieved for the delayed flight. He was grateful for one last night with his family. Sure he would be back in two weeks but life was fragile. His work showed him that and the last few months had really driven it home. First losing Ziva, then Jack DiNozzo getting so sick, and now Tony's illness. He prayed that the trial would work and that the DiNozzo's could finally return to normalcy. They had been right on the cusp when Tony got sick. If the trial did not work they would never had normal again. Three children would be orphaned and many would be devastated.

"Did Tony and Jethro arrive OK?" Breena asked.

"The flight went great and Tony is situated in a room. He is breathing on his own more than yesterday and that's with all the stress." Jimmy explained.

"Wonderful" Breena replied.

"It is a major relief." Jimmy agreed.

"When are you flying out?" Breena asked.

"Six-thirty" Jimmy replied.

"And the Vance's don't mind taking on the kids? I feel bad but I just can't handle four on my own and I hate to separate them." Breena explained.

"Leon is thrilled to have little ones around again and the kids are so busy now. They can't really complain." Jimmy explained.

"We should turn in early tonight. If you are flying out at six thirty. You'll have to be up by four-thirty to make it." Breena explained.

"Good point" Jimmy replied.

"You packed?" Breena asked.

"For days" Jimmy replied nervously.

"Everything will go fine. You will have a safe flight and Tony will do excellent in the trial." Breena assured.

"God I hope so" Jimmy replied.

* * *

Leaving Tony was hard for Jethro. There was housing for family members of long term patients and because Tony was a part of the trial. Jethro would be allowed to stay in housing. It was a small one room apartment. It was nice and if your loved one were fighting for their life. It would be a luxury apartment. Jethro just wished there was a wood-working area. He wished that he could tend to his hobby. It was only two weeks and he had gone longer than that when he lacked inspiration and one time when the basement stairs had to be replaced. He just wanted to do it now because it was his distraction and the coming days would be chalk full of stress. He just wanted something he could control. He grabbed a beer from the fridge and fell onto the Murphy bed. He wished to God for a distraction. No woodworking and Charlie could not miss that much school. He was staying with the McGee's.

* * *

Annalyse bounded down the hall of her temporary home. She could not wait until Tony got back and she got to return to her old house. She could not wait until he was well. When she could sleep in he purple room, Jack could sleep in his blue room, and Tali in her little green nursery. Jack and Tali were too little to understand what was happening. Jack had an idea but Annalyse was not allowed to discuss Tony's condition around him. Tali was still so tiny she did not have much if any understanding of the situation. In a way Annalyse was jealous of them. She had over heard Vance talking and knew just how sick Tony was and how crucial this trial was. That's what scared her most. If Tony did not get in trouble what would happen to her? What would happen to Jack and Tali? Most importantly would they be able to stay together?

* * *

 **A/N: Will Tony respond to the trial? New chapter will be up soon. Please review and thanks for reading.**


	42. A Long Wqy

Jethro and Tony had been in California for five days now, and Jimmy had been there for four. Tony was doing great. He was slowly be brought out of the drug induced coma. He had even woken up for a short time the previous afternoon. He was pretty out of it and kept mumbling about ice-cream bars, but he had been awake. Today he was not as responsive and spiked low grade fevers off and on. The doctors assured him that everything was going well. It was all a part of the recovery and Tony's lungs were still cleared of fluids.

"How is he?" Jimmy asked returning to Tony's room.

"No fevers in over an hour." Jethro replied.

"All the tests still good?" Jimmy asked.

"Everything looks great" Jethro replied.

"He come around any?" Jimmy asked.

"Not yet but the doctors said it could be a few days." Jethro replied.

* * *

School was weird for Annalyse. Everybody kept asking her how her dad was and it was not easy to answer. For one thing she did not know how much they knew. Most people had merely been told that Tony was having a procedure done in California. Annalyse did not know much more than that. Just that it was a clinical trial. She would hear Mr. Vance talking on the phone with Mr. Gibbs. She knew they were trying to fix his lungs and that was it. She mainly said that "He was doing better." Which he was. Annalyse was glad. She wanted to have her family back and the assurance that they would never be separated.

"Hey Annie Lee. How's your dad?" Mr. Cooper the ancient janitor asked, awkwardly adjusting his "It's My Sixty First!" button.

"He's doing better. Mr. Vance said he woke up for a while yesterday." Annalyse replied.

"That's wonderful!" Mr. Cooper cried.

"Well I gotta go or I will miss my bus." Annalyse replied.

"Go on girlie but I am always here if you need to talk." Mr. Cooper reminded.

* * *

By that evening Tony was once again on the upswing. He was even able to have a late treatment. The majority of Tony's treatment was lasers zapping the scars. The scaring had reduced but not significantly. The doctors assured that was normal and not to fret too much. Tony still had another week and a half of treatments to go and they could do additional treatments when he returned. Tony was breathing more on his own and Jethro saw that as a major plus. He had been removed from the ventilator and was on a regular oxygen tank.

* * *

Tony was doing well and Jimmy had taken a shift. So Jethro was enjoying some time to himself, in a the hospital's courtyard. He feasted on the cheeseburger, fries, and side salad, he had purchased for dinner. He kept his eye on the door. Not wanting to be locked out as he had been the night before. The humidity matted his hair to his forehead. Normally he got it trimmed on a weekly basis but he had not gotten the trim since Tony was admitted. The USMC shirt he wore was two sizes too big for him and still reeked of Axe body spray. He was wearing shorts for the first time since he was a teenager. He was out of place and he just wanted a touch of normalcy. His phone buzzed and he found a text from McGee.

" _Jimmy's update said Tony had a fever. Any updates?"_

" _He ran five fevers in a twenty-four hour period. They lasted between twenty minutes to three hours. They never got above a hundred. The hundred degree temperature was the shortest. He is doing great tonight and responsive. Fingers crossed for a wake up but nervous to explain the circumstances to him."_

" _Circumstances?"_

" _The fact that I approved the trial. It was hard because I don't know if Tony would do it. However Tony was incapacitated at the time and I had no real choice. Without the trial Tony would die."_

" _I think he would understand."_

" _God, I hope so."_

" _Don't stress too much and if you need anything call me. My phone is being weird but you can always call Delilah._

* * *

Tony felt as if he were floating. He had been floating for the entire two weeks had been in the hospital. Of course he had lost all sense of time when he got sick. Sometimes he would think he heard Gibbs or Jimmy but other than that it was silence. He could see Ziva when he ran to her she ordered him to go back. He did not know what that meant. He did not know how sick he was or that he was in the middle of a clinical trial that was the last ditch effort to save his life. He did not know that Gibbs had cried over his hospital bed for days. That Jethro and Jimmy had left their families behind to be by his side. He did not know that his own children were in the care of director Vance and Charlie was in the care of McGee. He did not know that Annalyse was fearing the family being split up. During the night the floating sensation turned to a rapid movement and he felt burning all over his body. Ziva was getting closer and she was begging him to stay away. He could hear screams on the other side. An angry screaming match between Gibbs and the doctor. There was an ear piercing scream but it was not a human scream. Then came the most horrible sound he had ever heard in his entire life. The sound of Leroy Jethro Gibbs crying. Ziva was there now. She had him by his wrists and she had a forceful look on her face. A look Tony had not seen since that nurse offered an epidural one too many times during Jack's birth.

"It's not your time Tony. You have to go back." Ziva insisted.

"But I miss you." Tony replied.

"Tony our children need you. Gibbs needs you. A lot of people need you." Ziva insisted.

"I love you." Tony replied as Ziva faded from his sight.

* * *

Tears stung from Gibbs' eyes and he frantically choked out sobs. Tony had been doing so well and then another fever came on. This one worse than any of the others. He spiked to one hundred and four point seven. He suffered from tremors and the doctors had summoned Gibbs from his apartment. He arrived to Tony in a critical state. He arrived to the doctors yelling and he was ordered to leave. Then the monitor flat lined and that's when the tears began. Paddles were slammed into Tony's chest and a tube shoved into his throat. Apparently he had crashed before and the doctors had just got him back when Jethro arrived. The coming moment was pure terror but then a miracle. The monitor became rhythmic again. Tony stirred, opened his eyes, and tried to remove his tube. The doctors pulled the tube out and Tony sat up.

"Where am I?" Tony asked weakly, before collapsing back onto to the bed. Awake but too weak to sit up for very long.

* * *

 **A/N: How will Tony take the news? New chapter will be up soon. Please review and thanks for reading.**


	43. Awake

This was the moment Jethro simultaneously longed for and dreaded. He was desperate for his son to wake up but he feared Tony's reaction. He wanted his son back but he did not want to answer for himself. Even though he was thinking of the children. He had selfish intentions when he agreed to the trial. He wanted to save his son's life. Now Tony was awake and of course wanting for answers. Now it was Jethro's time to face the music.

"Where am I?" Tony asked again a little more forcibly this time.

"You are at the UCLA Medical Center in Los Angeles California." Jethro replied.

"Los Angeles? How the hell did I get here? We working with Callen and them again? I don't feel like I was shot. Poisoned?" Tony asked.

"Tony it's been three weeks. You had severe pneumonia and it did a great deal of damage to your already scarred lungs. You were dying and we had all but given up hope. Then Dr. Pitt found this clinical trial. They are erasing the scars with lasers." Jethro explained.

"Did I approve this?" Tony asked.

"No, Tony I approved it." Jethro replied.

"Why the hell were you making medical decisions for me?" Tony demanded.

"Because you were dying and this was the only way to save your life." Jethro explained.

"Who said I wanted my life saved?!" Tony demanded.

"Tony you have three children." Jethro reminded.

"Three children who have a line of people willing to step up and raise them. You ever think that maybe I wanted to join Ziva?" Tony demanded.

"I know you want to join Ziva but it's not time yet." Jethro replied.

"So now I am not even competent enough to decide when I die?" Tony demanded.

"Tony I..." Gibbs started.

"No. I… No… I… I… no… I…" Tony coughed.

"Will you just listen to me?!" Jethro demanded.

"Screw you. Hate you." Tony wheezed before falling into a violent fit of coughs.

"TONY!" Jethro snapped.

"Sir you are going to have to leave! NOW!" A tall dark haired nurse demanded.

* * *

After the coughing subsided Tony slammed his head back into the pillow. He could not remember the last time he was so furious. He could not believe that Gibbs had just approved a trial. Did his opinion not matter anymore? Sure he was incapacitated but he also had a living will. A living will that very clearly stated what he wanted, and what he wanted as not some bullshit clinical trial. He did not want his life to be saved. He wanted to die and be with Ziva. He knew that his children would be in good hands. Better hands than he could ever provide. He was an OK father but the children deserved better than what he could provide.

"He really was acting in your best interest." Jimmy declared as he entered Tony's room.

"Et tu Palmer?" Tony questioned.

"Tony he just wanted your children to have their father." Jimmy insisted.

"Couldn't you raise them? Vance? McGee? Anyone?" Tony questioned.

"I could. Any of us could but they need you Tony." Jimmy replied.

"I miss her." Tony admitted.

"I know but Tony it's not your time and this is not what Ziva would want." Jimmy explained.

"How do you know?" Tony asked.

"Because I knew Ziva. We talked a lot actually. Especially when she was pregnant and couldn't go in the field as much. She said that if anything ever happened to her. Well then you needed to fight twice as hard to stay with the children." Jimmy explained.

"Is that really what she wanted?" Tony questioned.

"It was one of the last conversations we ever had." Jimmy confirmed.

* * *

Jethro was hurt to say the least. He had only wanted to save his son. He knew that Tony would be pissed but he never imagined that Tony would actually say "I hate you." He never dreamed that Tony would hate him. He had really pissed Tony off before but never to the point of hate. He hated himself for betraying Tony, but what choice did he have? If Tony died. Well that was it and three children were left fatherless. He was left without his son but three children would lose their last parent. He had made the right decision and he knew it. He just wished that Tony would see it that way.

* * *

Annalyse was up past her bed time. Unfortunately for the seven year old it was not fun nor was it youthful rebellion. She had skipped dinner to lie down and woke up with a nasty stomachache. At first Mr. Vance had thought that it was because she had missed dinner. He let her eat even though it was well past dinner hour. The contents of her plate were soon spread over the Vance's new living room rug. Vance calmly cleaned up the mess and got Annalyse tucked into her warm bed. He brought ginger-ale for her to sip on and crackers for her to chew on. He placed a bucket by her bed and the house phone by her bed. So she could call if she needed anything. She could not sleep and resorted to watching reruns of Hannah Montana on her tablet. She hated being sick and she hated even more now that her dad was so far away. She wanted her family reunited again. There was a knock on her door and Annalyse's stomach lurched. Not from illness but from worry.

"Annalyse?" Vance called softly.

"What?" Annalyse asked weakly.

"I know that you are not feeling well but I have some news for you." Vance replied.

"Good or bad?" Annalyse asked.

"Very good" Vance replied.

"What is it?" Annalyse asked.

"I just got a call from Mr. Palmer. Your dad woke up about an hour ago. He gave quite a scare before coming to but he is doing great now." Vance explained.

"When is he coming home?" Annalyse asked.

"Nine days" Vance replied.

"I can't wait." Annalyse yawned before finally falling asleep.

* * *

 **A/N: Tony and Gibbs talk in the next chapter. New chapter will be up soon. Please review and thanks for reading.**


	44. Road to Recovery

Purely and utterly defeated was the way that Gibbs had been feeling. Ever since Tony woke up and pretty much said that he hated him. He knew that children got mad at parents but Tony had never been than angry at anyone. Anyone who wasn't a criminal anyway. Part of him regretted making the choice but he still knew that he had made the right call. He had to save his son's life. Either Tony would see that and come around or he would never hear from him again. As hard as that would be. It would be easier for him to know that Tony hated him. Than it would be to live with the fact that he had just let him die.

"I was an ass." Tony announced his voice was raspier than Gibbs remembered and he was winded by the four word sentence but he could speak.

"Are you supposed to be out here?" Jethro asked.

"I did well in therapy. They gave me a pass. I just have to wear an alarm and keep oxygen handy. Though I've been breathing on my own for hours." Tony explained.

"Alright" Jethro replied.

"Again I was an ass." Tony replied.

"I went behind your back and your living will but I couldn't just give up." Jethro admitted.

"I know you did what was best but it's hard knowing I have to wait longer to see her." Tony explained.

"It's hard I know but when people need you to stick around. You have to stick around. That's why I fought back after the explosion. Second one anyway. First time I convinced myself it was all a nightmare." Jethro explained.

"Who were you sticking around for?" Tony asked.

"You, Abby, McGee, Jenny, Ducky, Ziver, even Palmer. Nothing against the kid but I didn't know him that well. You weren't my blood family but you were always there for me." Gibbs explained.

"Sometimes I think the kids would be better without me. That I am too broken to be a father." Tony explained.

"Tony you are one of the best father's I have ever seen." Gibbs replied.

"Did you really do it for the kids?" Tony asked.

"I did it mostly for them but I am not going to lie. I had selfish intentions. I couldn't bear the thought of losing another child. I pray you never know that pain. It was horrific the first time. I cannot go through it again." Gibbs explained.

"OK" Tony replied turning his wheelchair and rolling back towards his room.

* * *

Tony remembered how terrifying it was to agree to a major medical intervention for his child. He remembered the terror and doubt he felt when he agreed to treat Jack's tumor. He had agreed to allow doctors to cut his son open and remove a mass. Knowing that his son's life may never be the same. Saying that he would allow his son to endure chemotherapy and radiation if the tumor had been cancerous. He knew that Gibbs had the same feelings when he agreed to put Tony through the trial. He wanted to stay and talk a little more but two things were keeping him from staying. One he had only been allotted fifteen minutes out of the room and two nature was calling and from here on out. He was on his own in that department. He rolled to his room and called for a nurse. Who helped adjust the alarm and stood outside while he did his business. Once he was done he breathed a sigh of relief that the nurse did not have to help him go.

"You do alright?" Nurse Kim asked as she helped Tony to his bed.

"I've been peeing in the potty since I was two." Tony replied.

"Just making sure you didn't have any dizziness or issues adjusting with the gown." Nurse Kim replied.

"I'm good" Tony replied.

"Did you work things out with Gibbs?" Kim asked.

"We talked it out. Until my pass was up and nature started calling." Tony explained.

"We have to keep you in here for the rest of the day but Mr. Gibbs can come talk to you as soon as you eat lunch and get a little rest." Kim explained.

"Sounds good" Tony yawned.

* * *

Back in DC things were not so ideal. At least not for McGee and Abby. McGee had been sent down to Abby's lab to deliver some samples. He ended up on the wrong end of one of her rants. Of course she was going after Tony again. McGee wished that she would just accept Tony's choice. Letting Ziva die was the hardest decision Tony ever made. He still ached over it. Something Abby would know if she weren't so stubborn.

"Now you won't believe this. I ran into Breena last night. She told me that Jimmy's vacation. He's in California with Tony and Gibbs. They put Tony in some trial to fix his lungs. Can you believe that? He kills Ziva and then he gets his lungs fixed? Probably some kid he booted to make his life easier." Abby ranted.

"Abby the pneumonia ravaged his already scarred lungs. This trial was the only way to save his life. He was the perfect candidate." McGee explained.

"Surely there was a trial that could save Ziva. I am sure you know about spinal chord injury trials and they are making all kinds of progress with Traumatic Brain Injuries." Abby argued.

"That is true they are doing some amazing things in both fields but you have to be stabilized to get into the trials. None were offered at Ziva's hospital. Walter Reed had a few but it would be a process and Ziva was too weak to transfer. She was too weak recover enough to get into the trials." McGee explained.

"Tony was deathly ill too but he was stable enough." Abby spat.

"It was nothing short of a miracle that he recovered enough to fly across country. That is all I am going to say." McGee retorted.

* * *

Tony dreamed about her that afternoon. He saw her as she was the last time he saw her. He saw her holding Tali and pulling Jack into a tight hug. He saw her take Annalyse's hand and comment on her report card. Then the children were gone and it was just the two of them. She held him close and kissed his forehead.

"I love you Tony. I will see you soon but not until they are grown. I am glad you forgave Gibbs. Go enjoy our family. I so wish that I could have stayed." Ziva spoke.

"Goodbye Ziva. I will never forget you." Tony replied.

* * *

 **A/N: Tony is on the road to recovery in more ways than one. New chapter will be up soon. Please review and thanks for reading.**


	45. Thankful

Tony was still in good health when the trial ended. Two weeks later he returned for his follow up visit. His lungs had not improved as much as the doctors had hoped, but the scaring was still significantly reduced. Tony's quality of life had been improved and he was in good spirits. He returned home at the end of the followup and prepared to spend Thanksgiving with his children. It would be strange the first holiday without Ziva. She had died before Christmas and Hanukkah the year before but the kids did not notice. It was easy for Tony to gloss over and pretend the days never happened. It was not so easy now that he had Annalyse around and now that Jack was older. The four year old was learning about Thanksgiving in school and ecstatic to celebrate.

"I'm an Indian!" Jack cried running into the living room in nothing but his Superman underwear and the feather headband he had made in school.

"That's great Jack but remember that hat has to last until after the play." Tony explained.

"Oh yeah" Jack replied removing the band.

"Tell me your line." Gibbs instructed.

"My people welcome you on this first Thanksgiving." Jack recited.

"That is very good." Gibbs replied.

"You are amazing son." Tony added.

* * *

Back at school Annalyse was eagerly composing her "Thankful List". Each student was to make a list of everything they were thankful for. Annalyse had many things to be thankful for. Especially this year. She had a new family with a dad and two younger siblings. Her dad and Jack had both survived being really sick. Baby Tali had been born premature the year before but survived as if nothing had ever happened. Annalyse studied the bright orange paper. She took her brown marker out of the box and began to write.

" _My Thankful List, by Annalyse J. DiNozzo,_

 _Mrs. Gaines, Grade 2, Room 11, November, 16th 2017_

 _This year I have many things to be Thankful for._

 _1\. Getting to meet my new family._

 _2\. My baby sister being born healthy last December and my little brother not being hurt._

 _3\. Even though my mom died. I am always hearing stories._

 _4\. My dad surviving being really sick, they said he would not get better._

 _5\. Jack having his tumor removed and being perfectly healthy_

 _6\. The puppy I am getting for Christmas._

 _7\. My Grandpa Gibbs and all my other family._

 _8\. Getting to to school every day._

 _9\. Having a great teacher._

 _10\. The Vance family for taking such good care of me when my dad was sick._

 _11\. A secret I know but cannot say."_

* * *

Annalyse was an innocent child and had no idea that number eleven on her list would raise eyebrows. The dismissal bell rang and she happily placed her list on the teachers desk. Before scampering out the door and towards the bus. Mrs. Gaines read through the lists and found most pretty mandarin. She was not a cold woman but it was a second grade class and the lists were all about the same family, pets, toys, video games. She figured the most exciting entry would Spencer Dawson declaring his thankfulness that his parents did not find out he was the one who broke the window last spring. She came to Annalyse's list. It was at the bottom of the pile and it was highly advanced. Annalyse was brilliant for her age and before Tony got sick. There was talk of promoting her to third grade. Now the year was near half over and Annalyse still had a lot on her mind. Mrs. Gaines beamed with pride as she read all the things Annalyse was thankful for. Until she came to number eleven. That was when her face fell. She had been a teacher long enough to know that when a child had a secret they could not tell. It was not always good news. She knew that Annalyse was bright and may just know something that could not general knowledge just yet but still something could be going on. Immediately she picked up her phone and called Mr. DiNozzo,

"Hello?"

"Mr. DiNozzo? It's Mrs. Gaines."

"Mrs. Gaines? Is Annalyse alright."

"I am not assuming anything about you but Annalyse said something about a secret on her thankful list. Can you think of anything. I won't share but I don't want to raise any eyebrows at the program tomorrow."

"I do not know of anything but I will talk to her."

* * *

Tony made his way down the hall to Annalyse' bedroom. He figured that the secret was just that she knew about Gibbs' new lady friend or Charlie using his allowance to make sure an underprivileged classmate could eat. Still he made a mental note to kill Vance if he had done anything to her. The director did not seem like the type but Tony was still a protective father.

"Annalyse? Can I come in?" Tony asked.

"Of course!" Annalyse called back.

"I got a call from Mrs. Gaines today." Tony started as he stepped into the room and sat on the bed.

"Did I win the contest?!" Annalyse cried.

"What contest?" Tony asked.

"Best thankful list from each grade gets to read their list in front of everybody. The other lists are just posted on the wall." Annalyse explained.

"I don't know about that but it is about your thankful list. Mrs. Gaines said that you had a secret you could not share and she was a little worried." Tony explained.

"I thought secrets weren't bad." Annalyse commented.

"Unfortunately some of them are. So now I have to ask you this. Is anybody hurting you?" Tony asked.

"What do you mean?" Annalyse asked.

"Did anybody touch you in a bad way?" Tony asked.

"Spencer pulled my hair at recess." Annalyse replied.

"No I mean. Well remember the video you watched last spring?" Tony asked.

"Oh bad touch! No I have never been bad touched. I know that's a bad secret and I would not be happy about it." Annalyse explained.

"OK well can you tell me your secret. I will only tell Mrs. Gaines because she is a little worried." Tony explained.

"I can't tell you." Annalyse insisted.

"Why not?" Tony prodded.

"Because I am not supposed to know and I don't want to get in trouble." Annalyse explained.

"If it is not a bad secret why would you get in trouble?" Tony asked.

"Because the mean lady knows and she will be mad at you." Annalyse explained.

"What mean lady?" Tony asked.

"The vampire lady who says you killed mom." Annalyse explained.

"Oh Abby. What does Abby not want me to know?" Tony asked.

"I found a letter that Ziva wrote to her. The letter says that I am your real daughter." Annalyse explained.

* * *

 **A/N: Is Annalyse's claim true? New chapter will be up soon. Please review and thanks for reading.**


	46. Ready or Not

It did not take long for Tony to find the letter. It was hidden under a book in Annalyse's room. It was definitely Ziva's handwriting. He carefully opened the flap and withdrew the letter it was written on the Star of David stationary, Ducky had given Ziva years ago. The letter was stained by tears that had to belong to both Ziva and Annalyse. The letter started out describing Ziva's pregnancy everything she had craved and how she would get sick at mid day. Annalyse was not that far off from her sister and brother. Half way down the paper were the words Tony was looking for.

" _Abby, It is a girl. Her name was Annalyse Jennifer. She was perfect but I said she had died shortly after birth. I left her on a doorstep, somewhere, I do not know where. It was dark and I had to rush back to the boat. I wanted so badly to run with her but I feared they would take her if they found me. I just pray that she is safe. I am not going to make it out of this alive. If by some miracle you get the note. Please tell Tony what you know. He can find her if he must. Ziva"_

* * *

Tony was hurt that Abby never told him about Annalyse. It took a very short conversation with Ducky to be reminded of Ziva's mental state after returning from the Damocles. She was struggling with PTSD and given that she did not have to ensure Annalyse was safe. She likely had fear that Annalyse was dead. If she were alive she would have been placed for adoption, she would have probably had a loving family. Abby on the other hand could have told Tony and helped to find Annalyse. Maybe at first she had the same fears but now. Now she was just being a bitch. She knew Ziva's wishes and she did not follow through.

"Did you find the letter?" Annalyse asked.

"Yes and I am going to order a DNA test." Tony replied.

"How do you do that?" Annalyse asked.

"Well I will take some of your hair and some of mine and send them to a lab. Then in a few weeks we will get the results in the mail." Tony explained.

"Do I have to cut my hair?" Annalyse asked.

"No I am going to take some out of your hair brush." Tony assured.

"Good I don't want to cut my hair." Annalyse replied.

* * *

Tony took the hair from Annalyse's brush and a little from his own. He sent the results off to the lab and waited for the results. Whatever the tests showed. It would not change anything about his relationship with Annalyse. Even before she was his daughter. She was just as much his daughter as Tali. It took six weeks but Tony finally had the result he yearned for.

"You ready?" Tony asked, as he closed the door to Annalyse's bedroom.

"Yes" Annalyse replied.

"Do you want to open it or should I?" Tony asked.

"You can do it." Annalyse replied.

"OK" Tony replied.

"What does it say?" Annalyse asked.

"Annalyse, I am your father." Tony replied, starting out as Darth Vader but ending with his voice cracking and tears falling down his cheeks.

* * *

Finding out that Annalyse was his biological daughter was the best news Tony had received in a long time. In February of that year Tony had his follow up with Dr. Garner and was cleared. He would still have his twice a year visits to Dr. Pitt but no more trips out to California. At least not until the end of June. When Tony would be heading out to LA for a vacation with his children. His babies were growing more and more every day. Annalyse was four feet five inches tall and already starting to look like a young woman. Tony dreaded the teenage years. Jack came to Tony's hip and was reading and writing at a first grade level. Tali came to Tony's knees and was running around on her own now. Tony cried every day. They were not the grief tears he had once cried. He cried tears of joy and sometimes just because his children had grown so much. He mourned for Ziva but was finally living again.

"We have time to make one more stop on the way home. Where does everybody want to go?" Tony asked as he drove the children home from dinner out.

"Book store!" Annalyse cried.

"Books!" Jack squealed.

"Toys!" Tali screamed, toys had been her favorite word lately.

"Alright that's two votes for the bookstore and one for toys. Let's go to Grandma's Book Nook. They have both." Tony replied.

* * *

Mother's Day was a strange day for the DiNozzo children. Annalyse had never had a real mom and Jack had a mother for his first three but was too young to be aware. Tali was mildly aware but not enough to make a big deal. That was a blessing to Tony. His older two children were really hurting that May. Especially the Friday before.

"I don't want to go to school." Annalyse groaned.

"Why not?" Tony asked.

"I don't want to have to not make a Mother's Day card." Annalyse sniffed.

"Same here" Jack agreed.

"Well when are you making the cards?" Tony asked.

"This afternoon at the end of the day." Annalyse replied.

"Same" Jack added.

"Maybe I will check you out." Tony offered.

* * *

Summer came and went in a blur. Unlike the last summer it was not a blur of grief and mixed emotions. It was a blur of chasing three children around. They celebrated Jack and Annalyse's birthdays in August and had a party for Tali's half birthday in June. Tony was still recovering in December and did not have the strength for a party. In June they also went to Disneyland and a few other places in California. In July the children went to camp and August was a family month home. September Jack started kindergarten and Annalyse begun the third grade. This would Tali's first year in daycare. The next year they would be looking at school's for her.

* * *

The school year brought a new challenge for Tony. That was the third grade teacher, Mrs. Frank. The old teacher had broken her hip over the summer and ended up deciding to retire a year early. Lana Frank was young and full of energy. She had spent her first ten years teaching fifth grade and Washington Elementary. Tony had liked her from the start but there were issues. Mainly not thinking eh could date a co-worker. The principal assured him that it was fine. As long as they signed an agreement and kept it professional during work hours. Then came the real challenge. Was he ready?

"How's he doing?" Jethro asked.

"Lana asked me out today." Tony replied.

"What did you say?" Jethro asked cocking his eyebrow.

"I told her that I was not sure." Tony replied.

"Why not?" Jethro asked.

"I don't know. I mean I am ready and Ziva gave her blessing. It's just a big leap." Tony explained.

"Take the leap. Don't dive into a marriage to heal your heart like I did but take the leap. If you are ready than take the leap." Jethro explained.

* * *

 **A/N: Well that's it. I have a sequel planned and that will be up in a few days. Thanks to all who read, followed, favorited, and reviewed. Please leave one final review.**


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